DP doesn't think I can 'do it'

[SilvanaRose]

I have been talking about my plans for having this baby and the whole mainstream birth subject came up. He doesn't think I can have a birth without an epidural let alone a homebirth. I'm frustrated right now. I have always been into natural living but it seems like a real learning curve for him. He thinks I'm nuts sometimes. It's like I'm not strong enough to do it by myself. "Omg, yeah right you won't need an epidural.....every woman needs one" OH REALLY? I'm so frustrated. Some advice please

[Jane]

Well, homebirth is my passion and my job - in my professional () opinion, you'll do fine. You can always get an epidural if you need one, but you can't plan an epidural hospital birth and then get a homebirth. I believe (and I've got the experience to back it up) that most women can do most labors. Occasionally labors come up that would benefit from an epidural (like you get the flu, then go into labor, and it's a long one). Occasionally, there are women that are just not suited to labor pain (usually due to trauma issues, or they have a heart condition). But the vast majority of women can do the vast majority of labors just fine. Statistics say you'll do it.
Every single woman in your ancestral line had a natural vaginal childbirth, thousands of years worth of them (barring the last 50 years, perhaps). You can do it, too. It's your birthright.

Practically, get him into the consulations with the midwives. Usually, their experience and ability to directly answer his concerns will help tons.

[pjs]

I'm sure once you meet with your midwife, she'll be able to discuss and alleviate his concerns. And I'm sure she'll also inform him of his role as your support person and kindly remind him that such comments are not helpful here on out...

[Brisen]

He may be worried about you as opposed to not believing in you. I know it is hard for dh to see me in pain when he can't do anything about it. Maybe your dp feels like convincing you to get an epidural is something he can do to help you. Can you give him some ideas for things he can do for you during labour (back rub, counterpressure, encouraging words, bringing you stuff to drink, etc.)? The Bradley childbirth book might be a good start, if you haven't read it.

[htcamommy]

Did you point out to him that human existance did not start at the same time as the conception of the epidural? Human existance actually may have began before the idea of a "hospitial" was originated. Arguing the hospital argument can be like beating your head against the wall but the epidural argument is comical. If the baby came to fast and you had it on the side of the road would road side assistance come to give you an epidural? Or would that baby just patiently and quietly wait till you got to the hospital to get your epidural?

[Brisen]

You might try finding some stats on epidural use. Of course, stats can be deceptive depending on the agenda of whoever is publishing them. Maybe if you can contact a few local MW practices and ask what percentage of women with them get an epidural? If you want my stats, I've had 4 full term births, and not needed an epidural for any of them, so you can tell him that it isn't true that "every" woman needs one.

[WaitingForKiddos]

Perhaps showing him the effects of an epi (c-section rates, monitoring, etc) could direct his thinking differently. Maybe it would show him that it's not that you're so sure you 'can do it' without one but rather you don't want the risks associated with them so you're going to pass and give it your all.

[SilvanaRose]

Thank you so much for your replies. I was in a mad rush writing that last night. I actually feel better reading this. I know I can 'do it'. Unfortunately we haven't been together for years for him to understand how I really am alot of the time. We have had a few arguements but we are so good about getting over them and this is just another bump in the road. He works in the medical industry so he 'knows' whats happens for alot of things. Kinda bugs me sometimes. I think because this is our first he needs to see for himself what we are capable of. I like all your ideas for talking to him again.....thank you

[Inspired007]

Not in your ddc (november), but let me tell you that my family gave me this whole spiel when i decided to go au natural with my first. No one seems to get it right off, but you at least see the benefit in it or you wouldn't be here asking questions. It's a tough decision to make, one that goes completely against the normal flow of society, but it's your decision to make. When you finally make up your mind, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re making the wrong decision (whether it’s to birth at a hospital or at a birth center or at home). It’s your body and your birth experience. No one else’s (well, except for that little precious being inside you

I personally wouldn't go any other way, now that I know what I know about the risks associated with hospitals and OB's for low risk pregnant women and the benefits of low intervention labor/birth. Educate your husband. Once he’s informed, if he’s worth his salt in the husband dept he will see your point of view, value your passion for bringing his child into the world under the best possible scenario and exalt you for the strong woman he always knew you were.

[nina_yyc]

Try showing him the movie "The Business of Being Born." My DH is also a fan of Ina May Gaskin, but I don't know if you open an Ina May Gaskin book unless you're almost a believer already.

[kismetbaby]

Originally Posted by nina_yyc

Try showing him the movie "The Business of Being Born." My DH is also a fan of Ina May Gaskin, but I don't know if you open an Ina May Gaskin book unless you're almost a believer already.

Not in your DDC, but I was also going to recommend this movie! Watch it together. . .it may give him a new perspective.

[SilvanaRose]

I told him I was going to let him watch Birth As We Know It lol....I think that is an eye opener too. But I will look into that movie as well. Thank you guys, you are all just too cool.

[klocke]

Let me say as a mom who has had 2 hospital births (both with failed epidural) and a homebirth, homebirthing is the only way I will ever have a baby again. The pain is so much different when you are able to walk around, get into your preferred positions, ect. I caved at the hospital at 4 cm each time because I was not allowed out of that darn bed. It is soo difficult to labor that way. My dh was a little nervous at first when we started talking about homebirth because he had seen me in labor and knew I requested an epidural. But once I got him reading books and seeing statics on how safe it really is he changed his mind and because just as big an advocate as me. Stick by your guns on what you believe. You CAN do it, woman are made to give birth. Believe in yourself!!