Christian Mamas, help me find my way back.

[kellykins]

Feeling lost lately. Feeling faithless. This post may grow long. sorry.

I consider myself a Christian, and like the idea of church, and have even been to one I like alot- but I feel like I'm quesitoning it all. I used to be a very faithful churchgoer, went to Youth Group and all of my best friends came from that group, believed that things happened because God wants them to, read the Bible, had been moved to tears by stories of faith, etc... but have not been to church regularly in 10 years... DH was also highly involved in church/youth, etc. We, in fact, met "for the first time" in elementary school level Sunday School. (we barely remember each other, haha but were def in the same class.)

I guess in those 10 years, I have tried a few times to find a church that was like the one we had been going to- always met with a "meh" sort of attitude from DH. Only recently have we discussed this, and he I guess feels like he believes in God and in Jesus...and that most of the stories in the Bible are just that--stories... most of all, his point that hit me the hardest, was that they are stories that have been re-translated so many times over the years, are we still getting what was originally meant AT ALL? And how much of it is "real" and how much of it was stories made up to illustrate some point that after translation we are missing? etc???

I feel like Fox Mulder saying this (yep, nerd alert!). I want to believe. I do! I'm just having a hard time of it, and I am having a hard time.. with that... (does that make sense??)

I also feel like my political views and parenting views are opposed by the Christian "set". (Feel like in order to be Christian you must be a Conservative, whereas I am kinda in the middle- with my weight more to the liberal side... Feel like the Christian community seems to in general steer away from the AP mindset... this is limited knowledge at best, but really only what I "feel like"...)

Help. help me fnd my way, help me understand faith, help me understand that God *is* there.....
please?

[charleysmama23]

I really appreciate you honesty. One of the Christian church's biggest problems today is rampant hypocrisy. I love that you are willing to say "I want to believe, I just don't know how...".
For the issues your dh brings up, like "translated so many times" consider reading The Case for Faith and The Case for Christ, both written by Lee Strobel, an atheist who came to faith in Christ through his efforts to actually discredit Christianity. They are a simple and interesting read, a good place to start.
I would also find a friend or woman you trust who is a believer to sit down with and just open up the Bible. Start looking at the Jesus who is there, who was He and what did He say? Who did He say He was? If you have someone to ask questions with it is so helpful.
Lastly, you aren't the only Christian mama to feel like your parenting choices don't vibe with the larger community. I love our church, but the way we are raising our children doesn't always line up with what the women in our church are doing. I find comrades other places, however, like here and at the mothering by grace forums. Being AP and being a Christian actually go quite nicely together (The Bible actually describes God's love and concern for us to that of a nursing mother not being able to forget her child)
Most importantly, keeping looking and keep asking questions.

[hotmamacita]

[NicaG]

Re: stories in the Bible are only stories....try checking out some of Marcus Borg's books, particularly The God We Never Knew or Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time. I think he does a good job of articulating a vision of faith that is meaningful and real, but not based on literal interpretation of the Bible. Even if you don't agree with everything he writes, he challenges readers to consider new ways to think about faith.

Have you tried visiting any mainline (non-Evangelical) Protestant churches? It's always my impression that denominations like United Church of Christ, the Episcopal Church, Methodists and Presbyterians (among others) are quite welcoming to people with liberal beliefs, whether in politics or parenting. Hope you can find a church that works for you and your family!

[Bluegoat]

There are lots of Christians out there who would not identify as Conservative, and that have a huger variety of parenting styles. I think a lot of Christians have trouble finding a political party that really covers the things they believe in, especially in the US where there are really only two parties. Many Christians would support parts of socialism, like public health care, for example. But if you are finding that you are not finding people with similar values, you might try going to a different kind of church. If you have been evangelical, try something like the RC, Orthodox, or Episcopalian churches.

Also, remember that a worship service is meant to be about God, more that the congregation. Sometimes it does not speak to us immediately, it takes time to really begin to respond to it's meaning.

As for books, you might try Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis. It''s a bit older, but it is very clearly written.

[EnviroBecca]

most of the stories in the Bible are just that--stories... most of all, his point that hit me the hardest, was that they are stories that have been re-translated so many times over the years, are we still getting what was originally meant AT ALL? And how much of it is "real" and how much of it was stories made up to illustrate some point that after translation we are missing?

Here's how I deal with that: I read it and see what I get from it. Sometimes it's a total bust--for example, the other night I tried to read the book of Jeremiah, and all I got from it was, "Jeremiah thought God was really mad at a whole bunch of people, and whether it was really God speaking to him or just his imagination, man, he would NOT shut up!" But usually it's at least interesting; it's a window into another time, yet many of the issues people encounter in Bible stories are timeless. Sometimes, in the middle of a story or exhortation that makes little impression on me, I'll find one sentence that really speaks to me. And sometimes, the whole story is just what I needed, like my experience with the book of Jonah. It doesn't matter if it's "just" a story and didn't really happen exactly the way it's told, if it speaks to me and helps me grow closer to God and be a better person.

You certainly don't have to be conservative to be Christian! It may seem that way in your area, but I bet there's at least one church that's more liberal or at least open-minded.

Pray something like, "God, if you are real, help me to feel your presence and know what is true." Just quickly focus on that thought several times a day.

Recommended reading:
The Gospel of Mark. This is the least embellished, earliest written of the available stories of Jesus. When I first read it from beginning to end, I was amazed and thrilled by some of the things Jesus taught that I'd never heard quoted.
The God We Never Knew by Marcus Borg
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
Finding God in 5 Steps

[kellykins]

Thank you all for taking the time to give me some direction(s). I really really appreciate it.

My library carries alot of Christian materials, so I will check to see about some of these books. I also have (and have had, actually) the Holy Bible iPhone app which has many many many translations of the Bible on it, including what I found to be really readable- but probably the most watered down? The Message... I started reading the book of Mark at lunchtime today. (for anyone else reading along... the iPhone app is great because when you click on a verse, you can also read other people's commentary on that section... Very interesting. )

I also found in the podcast archives of the church I had gone to once and liked (at east the initial impression) http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/M...7&id=281777112
(not sure how that will work, never pasted a URL before?!)
Which I have yet to listen to in full....

I have prayed God show me why this is foolish to doubt. Show me you are there.

Im trying.

As far as type of church- the church I went to 10+ yrs ago was a "Community Church" but was a member of the Southern Baptist Convention. The church I tried out here in Indy calls itself a Christian Life church. "We are a nondenominational church that simply teaches the Bible and its truths, in a style you can easily apply to life. "

I checked out Lee Strobels website, watched a video.. his tone kinda made me feel like an idiot for doubting my faith- but I think I will read his book(s)? to see what he has to say a bit further.

This is more rambly than my first post! bah. Sorry!!


You know? This all started the other night, this thinking about all of this faith etc.. when i was video chatting with my parents and my dd was singing them songs and they wanted to hear her sing Jesus Loves Me. She didnt know it. I felt this sting like- wow, thats.. not good is it? So I taught that to her, because that is what she wanted to sing that night for a bedtime song, and then, has wanted that every night since.. and asked for more songs about Jesus... So I taught her Jesus Loves the Little Children... and I couldnt think of any more when she asked for more...
Now that I am typing this out... I feel like.... why is she asking for these songs? Why would she ask for more? Is this Him tying to tell me something, then????

[Krisis]

I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I know how it feels too, to want to believe.

[sarlusan]

I just want to recommend N.T. Wright's books. Especially "Simply Christian: Why Christianity Makes Sense."

[Whistler]

Christian Mama here and (((HUG))). I think we have all gone through times like this when we have wondered why we bother and felt like the Christian church was a bunch of hooey. I know I have.

The thing that helps me is remembering that our religion is about a Person, not about an institution. We follow Jesus because we believe in and love Him, not because we identify politically with a group of people. We're not defined by the Southern Baptist Convention, not if we don't want to.

The Church, worldwide, is made up of people who follow Jesus and His teachings in the Bible, not people who vote conservative or watch God TV. It helps me to keep all that in perspective.

It sounds to me like you need to find your own faith. Not your church's faith, not your parents' faith, not the people on the internet's faith. Faith is between YOU and GOD. Once you settle that, alone on your knees in your closet, then you can talk to DH and also go out and find a group of like-minded people with which to fellowship. That's my $0.02.

(((Hugs again))) May you be blessed tonight.

[homewithtwinsmama]

[QUOT
Now that I am typing this out... I feel like.... why is she asking for these songs? Why would she ask for more? Is this Him tying to tell me something, then????[/QUOTE]

Many many people are led to or back to Christ by their children. I know the birth of mine deepened my faith and the loss of my fifth baby made me put myself completely in his hands. I pray you will feel God reaching for you.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama

Many many people are led to or back to Christ by their children. I know the birth of mine deepened my faith and the loss of my fifth baby made me put myself completely in his hands. I pray you will feel God reaching for you.

ITA. I was (finally) baptized when pregnant with my second, who ended up being killed. Her death made my relationship with the Lord grow exponentially.

You've gotten some great book recommendations already. I'm still struggling, after living here for a year, to find a church that I can 'connect' with, and listen to podcasts of sermons from my old church, and from one that I stumbled on one day, that's in California, on my ipod.

My kids go to a preschool/parent's day out program at a local Lutheran church, and while I'm not Lutheran by any stretch of the imagination, the church has lots of programs, a mom's Bible study, things like that, that have been open to the public, and even the discipleship director is adamant that you not be "talked into" or "urged" to become a member of the church at any of the events. So I do want to toss the idea out there that you don't necessarily have to be a member of a particular church to be involved with other Christians. I personally prefer a very contemporary worship service, with a contemporary-leaning sermon. And I choose the church whose worship services I will go to based on that. That doesn't necessarily mean that I can't fellowship at other churches. Any church that would choose to exclude a person because of that isn't a church I want to belong to anyway.

Would you feel at all comfortable going to worship without your DH?

And I'm about as liberal as they come, politically, and still consider myself - personally - a relatively conservative Christian. I believe that the Lord gives us free will, and that we don't need the government to tell us what is morally correct. (For the record, I'm a Libertarian, but tend to lean Democrat when I'm voting and there isn't a Libertarian candidate on the ballot.)

I think it's okay to question things. I sometimes am going through the Bible wondering how something happened, why something happened, finding it hard to believe something happened. I'm very much a facts and figures, see it to believe it kind of person, so when I read, for instance, that Jesus walked on water, it's just hard for me to "see" in my head, and accept it as a fact rather than like something in a movie. I don't think that's the point of the story being told in the first place, though.

I've been digging enough that I've recently picked up a few books about the lost books of the Bible, and the more historical aspects of it. It's actually very interesting. The Bible says, seek and you shall find. Sounds like you've got the first step covered.

I agree with a previous poster in that Christianity is more about your relationship with God - your personal relationship - than any church doctrine, anything else anyone else believes. It's about you and God. And that's it.

[EnviroBecca]

i was video chatting with my parents and my dd was singing them songs and they wanted to hear her sing Jesus Loves Me. She didnt know it. I felt this sting like- wow, thats.. not good is it?

I don't think it's so important to know that particular song. It's always bugged me a little bit: "...this I know, for the Bible tells me so..." like that's the only way you know, like you have to be told instead of just knowing and just feeling it, as many children do.

But maybe what was stinging you was the thought that your daughter doesn't know that Jesus loves her or hasn't been (so far) raised with the acknowledgement of his love and our need to love him back. That's something to act on.

I went one year to a Catholic school where we learned lots of Christian songs, which have stuck with me, so I'll throw out some titles/first lines in hopes they help you remember some more songs:
"He's Got the Whole World in His Hands"
"I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart..."
"If I Were an Elephant"
"Let us praise God together on our knees..."
"SMILE! Don't you know God loves you..."
"Everybody Sing and Shout"
"Rise and shine and give God your glory, glory..."
"This Little Light of Mine"
"They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love"
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness..."
"All Things Bright and Beautiful"
(before meals) "God is great, and God is good..."
"Alleluia, alleluia, opening our hearts to Him..."

You might also start doing a bedtime prayer with your daughter. This is the one my 4-year-old likes:
Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
See me safely through the night,
And wake me with the morning light.
Amen.

[kellykins]

Not so much *that* song, ITA but yes, that she hasn't really heard much about Jesus or God or anything- more so than the song particularly.

That was a good list of songs, some I havn't heard of but I imagine I can look them up easy enough. (One of them has a funny memory connected to it- the Rise and Shine..." one- from a Youth summer trip- where our goofball leader and any other morning people haha, would go around singing that as loud as possible to get everyone up in the a.m. - sometimes getting a guitar out to really be super obnoxious about it LOL)

AlwaysByMySide- I would feel a little wierd going without my dh... When I visited this church (that I liked on first impression- v contemporary, fun, relevant etc) he was out of town, so it wasn't SO wierd, but I feel like getting up and going to church in the a.m. without him might be wierd... I dont know why? Maybe because I was taught- and I believe since he went to the same churches- he was taught- that the man should be the spiritual head of the house? Maybe because weekends are our only family time and I'd feel guilty cutting away from that by saying "see ya" and heading to church? Donno.

Haven't had time to hit the library for books yet- I have company coming this evening and have been prepping for them. :P But, actually sat down and started reading the Bible some more last night- something I had only done in snippets - based on lessons from Youth or a church sermon.

Keep the encouragement comin.
:

[3jays]

I love the conversation going on. The support here is amazing, I am in the opposite situation where I am in the church and wondering about a few things.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Yes, the husband is supposed to be the spiritual head of the household, but maybe if he sees you going out every Sunday to church, that will influence him as well.

My stbx and I went to a fantastic marriage retreat by Family Life, that I would highly recommend to anyone. Stbx never knew that the Bible says he is supposed to be the head of the family until that weekend. As wives, we are supposed to be Godly women, even if our husbands aren't (yet), to be 'an example'. (It is definitely a Bible-based retreat, but definitely not over the top at all.)

An hour or two on Sunday doesn't cut much into "family time", and he may decide after awhile that he wants to go too. If that hour or two brings you closer to God, then I'd say that the cut into family time is very much worth it. Because, in the end, who are you going to put first - your husband, or God? (Not trying to be argumentative, I hope I'm not coming across that way. Just giving you some things to think about. )

It sounds like you're getting excited, and "hungry", and that's a good thing.

[mamabadger]

Instead of reading modern commentaries, I would suggest going back closer to the source, and reading the things written by first and second generation Christians. The writings of C. S. Lewis, mentioned by PPs, are also good, and I think one reason is that Lewis was familiar with early Christian writings and based his work on them.

[kellykins]

Well, On Easter, dd asked me what Easter was all about... The best way I could figure to explain it to her was by reading the stories from her children's story Bible... We haven't ever talked about death or someone dying, so I sort of changed the wording some to suit her barely 3yo level. Without thinking about it, I left her story Bible sitting on her dresser, and since then, she has asked to read random stories, and has looked at it on her own several times. I admit, I have read stuff I hadn't really read before- Old Testament stories that I hadn't seen since I was really little.

This past weekend, I wanted to try and go to church, and get everyone to go. It was a rainy day, and I had had a horrible time with dd the day before, so I needed some positivity... I thought I even had dh on board- but by the time we were ready to get ready to go (lazy slow breakfast etc) I was the only one dressed and ready for my day.... it was 10:15, the last service starts at 10:45 and church is 15 away... plus getting in to children's class... decided to try another time.

I am going to check out one or two of Strobel's books from the library as soon as I am done reading Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth but after praying, and seeing my dd's interest, I'm feeling my faith return. Maybe dh will take an interest and read after I'm through?

I feel like, maybe, why would I be asking these things if I didn't have a little fire burning inside still?

[EnviroBecca]

AlwaysByMySide wrote:

If that hour or two brings you closer to God, then I'd say that the cut into family time is very much worth it. Because, in the end, who are you going to put first - your husband, or God?

ITA! You want your husband to be the spiritual head of the household, but he's not doing much and you feel the Spirit tugging at you; don't ignore that just to wait for your husband to step up. Maybe the Spirit is tugging on you BECAUSE it didn't get anywhere with him!

It sounds like your daughter's questions and interest are guiding you, too, and I think that's great. You can grow together.

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

Originally Posted by kellykins

You know? This all started the other night, this thinking about all of this faith etc.. when i was video chatting with my parents and my dd was singing them songs and they wanted to hear her sing Jesus Loves Me. She didnt know it. I felt this sting like- wow, thats.. not good is it? So I taught that to her, because that is what she wanted to sing that night for a bedtime song, and then, has wanted that every night since.. and asked for more songs about Jesus... So I taught her Jesus Loves the Little Children... and I couldnt think of any more when she asked for more...
Now that I am typing this out... I feel like.... why is she asking for these songs? Why would she ask for more? Is this Him tying to tell me something, then????

Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama

Now that I am typing this out... I feel like.... why is she asking for these songs? Why would she ask for more? Is this Him tying to tell me something, then????

Many many people are led to or back to Christ by their children... I pray you will feel God reaching for you.

<nods>

[QUOTE=kellykins;13622262]
This past weekend, I wanted to try and go to church, and get everyone to go. It was a rainy day, and I had had a horrible time with dd the day before, so I needed some positivity... I thought I even had dh on board- but by the time we were ready to get ready to go (lazy slow breakfast etc) I was the only one dressed and ready for my day.... it was 10:15, the last service starts at 10:45 and church is 15 away... plus getting in to children's class... decided to try another time.
[QUOTE]

please try again soon. being late is acceptable- at least at my church, being late is better than not going. especially w a small child