annoyed with sister....venting

[amydiane]

So I needed to vent and I don't really have anyone IRL except DH to vent to, and he's working....

My sister just sent me an article....she didn't say anything else, just sent the link. The article is dated today, though I feel like I've read it before, as some of the stories and quotes were very familiar.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29777922/

Anyway, it basically says that circ is great, it prevents disease, anesthesia is always used, the foreskin is useless, and all these folks on the internet who are opposed are pretty much crazy conspiracy theorists.

Now, I know that she is obviously not anti-circ, since both her boys are cut, but I thought she was more of the opinion that it's up to the parents and either way is fine. The 2 main reasons she told me for why she and her husband decided to circ were because he has a relative who kept getting some kind of infection (I don't know the details) and had to be circed when he was old enough to remember (4ish?), and so that the boys would look like Daddy (a doctor told them that it would be very traumatic for the kids if they looked different). Anyway, when they had their boys, I didn't really know much about it one way or the other and didn't think too much about it. Since then, I have become anti-circ, but I haven't talked about it to her because I don't want to get into a fight about it and I'm not going to change her mind anyway. She knows of course that my DS is intact, but I think she thinks that's more okay for us since DH is too. So I'm annoyed that she sent this, since I've never sent her anything on all the reasons why it shouldn't be done. And really, does she think I'm going to run out and get DS circed now?

I'm also annoyed with the article in general since it's so blatantly pro-circ. :

[hippiemommaof4]

Honestly I think her reasons are excuses so she feels better about it to be honest, and I have two boys who are circ'd my last boy isn't. I think its really snarky to just send a link like that too and obviously she knows that .

[perspective]

Originally Posted by amydiane

So I needed to vent and I don't really have anyone IRL except DH to vent to, and he's working....

My sister just sent me an article....she didn't say anything else, just sent the link. The article is dated today, though I feel like I've read it before, as some of the stories and quotes were very familiar.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29777922/

Anyway, it basically says that circ is great, it prevents disease, anesthesia is always used, the foreskin is useless, and all these folks on the internet who are opposed are pretty much crazy conspiracy theorists.

Now, I know that she is obviously not anti-circ, since both her boys are cut, but I thought she was more of the opinion that it's up to the parents and either way is fine. The 2 main reasons she told me for why she and her husband decided to circ were because he has a relative who kept getting some kind of infection (I don't know the details) and had to be circed when he was old enough to remember (4ish?), and so that the boys would look like Daddy (a doctor told them that it would be very traumatic for the kids if they looked different). Anyway, when they had their boys, I didn't really know much about it one way or the other and didn't think too much about it. Since then, I have become anti-circ, but I haven't talked about it to her because I don't want to get into a fight about it and I'm not going to change her mind anyway. She knows of course that my DS is intact, but I think she thinks that's more okay for us since DH is too. So I'm annoyed that she sent this, since I've never sent her anything on all the reasons why it shouldn't be done. And really, does she think I'm going to run out and get DS circed now?

I'm also annoyed with the article in general since it's so blatantly pro-circ. :

There are three sides to this. The anti-circs, the pro-circs and those in the middle, mostly unaware about the two sides.

Pro-circ's fund "research" and when they finally get something that favors their opinion they make a big deal about it. Right now a new study has come out by these people, and they are pushing out the message "look intact is dirty, get your kid cut!" This message is being presented as urgent.

Your sister seems to be one of those people in the middle, she is not strong opinioned either way, but the message machine of pro-circers is so effective its gets all the way to people like her, and she sends it to you.

What you should do is very nicely, respond back to her. I bet by the end of the day you can get many studies, and articles that would be great counter points to the email your sister sent. I suggest sending the best one back to her, and say "well I heard of that study, but its actually not very accurate, let me show you (study here)"

[Cheshire]

Maybe send her a note back and just ask her "I'm confused about the article. May I ask why you sent it?"

Then, you've put it back on her to give you a real reason why - not just some link to an article where you're left to figure it out on your own.

If she's brave enough to reply back then you can start a dialogue about it or you can just tell her it's none of her business or whatever you feel. But, at least see if you can get a reason from her - if she's going to question your decision at least she can do it point blank.

[perspective]

http://africasciencenews.org/asns/in...=1124&Itemid=2

[Yulia_R]

I would actually consider this as a great opportunity to educate her. Since she probably won't take the time to read any links, I'd call and educate her on:

Functions of foreskin;
Pain and trauma during the surgery (explaining the surgery step by step with every single detail);
The fact that most of the world is intact (and they look at male circ as genital mutilation) and yet, developed intact countries have much lower HIV/STDs rate than cut USA;
How easy intact care is and the issue with doctors retracting (and giving wrong care info which CAUSES problems in some intact boys.

Make the best out of this opportunity. Tell her that you didn't feel like bringing this up since her boys are cut, BUT now, when she mentioned it, you would like to share with her your reasons for being anti-circ.

[BlessedMommy2006]

Oh, that article is just awful! I really shouldn't read stuff like that while I'm only 5 weeks postpartum, it will just make me mad. Just makes me want to run over and hug and kiss my sweet (intact) baby boy!

Really, the main thing the article tried to pull was that circ reduces the spread of HIV. Last time I checked, abstinence reduces the spread of them more effectively. Why should American parents be encouraged to circ their sons to prevent the spread of disease in Africa anyway? Sigh.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by Cheshire

Maybe send her a note back and just ask her "I'm confused about the article. May I ask why you sent it?"

Then, you've put it back on her to give you a real reason why - not just some link to an article where you're left to figure it out on your own.

If she's brave enough to reply back then you can start a dialogue about it or you can just tell her it's none of her business or whatever you feel. But, at least see if you can get a reason from her - if she's going to question your decision at least she can do it point blank.

:

And if you need information let us know. This is a reprint of a disgusting mens health article which was just entirely biased. We've been through this one before so it's up to you how you want to handle it. If it was me I might send a laugh back and say wow, they'll print anything on April Fools, I can't believe you fell for it.

[purplestraws]

I would definitely ask her why she sent it to you. I hate it when people (MIL) send me articles about issues that we disagree on but don't state their motivation. I find it pretty disrespectful. I think that the whole sending articles thing without explaining yourself is incredibly passive-aggressive.

[robertandenith]

Originally Posted by perspective

http://africasciencenews.org/asns/in...=1124&Itemid=2

you can reply with this link only

[RiverSky]

Of course there are doctors who tell patients that it's good to circumcise...they make OODLES of money doing the procedures, referring patients to others who do, and selling those foreskins. Doesn't make it right.

I'd tell her that and I'd include the Africa Science link.

And a link to this video:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...65256830319025

I might end the email with, "If you don't agree, I really don't want to hear about it, because I feel extremely strongly about this issue and would rather not be constantly reminded about your stance."

[LavenderMae]

Originally Posted by perspective

http://africasciencenews.org/asns/in...=1124&Itemid=2

Yes, send her that back. I wouldn't let it go though. I would let her know the other side and where you stand.

[G8P4]

I recently read a blog post from a woman discussing female circumcision. She had had the procedure done and objected to the western view of this being a cruel and horrible practice. She took offense to being labelled as mutilated...as in "Female genital mutilation" and preferred to think of herself as "initiated" into her particular culture. She provided (IMO, selective) evidence to show that this procedure isn't as awful/risky as some think, along the lines of what we hear all the time in the "case for male circumcision", that it was cleaner, didn't affect sex, wasn't painful, prevented disease, etc. For me, even if all of those things were true, which I doubt, preferring to believe that mother nature/ The Creator has Her reasons, and also having read the studies and literature for myself, it is still to me the choice that an adult should make for themselves, and not something a newborn should undergo.