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What kinda of advice would you give a person(like me)in a situation like this?

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 
So heres the thing...My husband and I are going to begin trying for another baby. I already have a son (he is a year and a half). My son IS circumsized and so IS my husband. All my life I was taught that when you have a baby...and that baby happens to be a boy...you get him circ. Well, since being on this forum and reading things elsewhere on how circumcision is really basically unessesarry...I feel like if we have another baby and it happens to be a boy I dont really think I want him circumsized. Well when I told my husband he was totally against that idea. He said that "well, if you talk to other guys that are not circumsized they will say they wish they were". and "Its harder to clean...therefore it will always smell bad down there" and stuff like that. The thing is I myself am not as well informed as I would like to be on the subject so I feel like I cant make a solid statement against what he is saying. I feel like he's winning!! I dont want to throw it in his face or anything...I just want us to be eye to eye on this and I want us to both learn more about it. I just feel right now with what I know about it... its pretty much unnecessary. *(Also... lets say we have another baby and its a boy and we decide NOT to circumsize him...I'm worried that it will make him feel weird seeing his daddy and brother who look different from him "down there"-- what do you all think?) ::
post #2 of 31
MYTH 1: Circumcision protects boys from developing harmful medical problems.
TRUTH: NO medical society in the entire world, including the USA, recommends routine infant circumcision. Circumcision does NOT:
-prevent infections
-prevent or reduce the occurrence of urinary tract infections
-prevent penile cancer
-prevent transmission of the AIDs virus
-prevent the transmission of STDs
There are absolutely no medical reasons to circumcise infant boys. EVERY medical association in the entire world, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and American Medical Association (AMA), has made statements that routine infant circumcision provides no medical benefits and is a non-therapeutic operation. Infant circumcision is purely cosmetic and has been falsely justified as having “medical benefits” thanks to a history of flawed studies performed by doctors who have tried to justify the tradition for over a century. In fact, circumcision has been fabled to protect against more illnesses than any other single surgical procedure. View the last link, a video about the “medicalization” of circumcision, for more information about this. More recent studies have now proven that foreskin actually protects against UTI and other infections.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp
http://www.cirp.org/library/statements/
http://www.nocirc.org/statements/breastfeeding.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4unKTMpBGA

MYTH 2: Having an intact boy means more work and extra cleaning to prevent infection.
TRUTH: It is actually easier to care for an intact boy. Only clean the exterior of an intact boy, a swish in the bath is sufficient. People are severely misinformed about the anatomy of foreskin. During the infant/childhood years the foreskin is fused to the head of the penis (glans) and the opening is only wide enough to allow for urine to pass through. This protects the developing penis from urine, feces, and other harmful pathogens. An intact boy should NEVER be retracted for cleaning or for any other reason. Premature retraction causes tearing, pain, and can result in many complications, including infection. The proper care for the intact penis is to LEAVE IT ALONE, only the exterior gets cleaned. Should poop get on the penis, all you do is wipe it like a finger. Throughout childhood the skin will slowly separate from the glans and the foreskin opening will widen. Self-cleaning excretions prevent the need for cleaning during that time. Through self-discovery a boy will learn to retract his own foreskin. After retraction is possible a boy can easily clean himself with a quick rinse in the same way that girl cleans her privates. It is a good rule of thumb to never let anyone touch your intact son’s penis. Many people, including care providers, will ignorantly try to retract the foreskin. Fact is, the US medical profession cut off so many foreskins in the past that the doctors rarely if ever saw an intact boy and have lost the base of knowledge of diagnosis and treatment. Now, they are operating in a vacuum of information or even worse, in an environment of false information. The only tool you need to care for an intact boy is a ruler to smack the hands of those curious people who attempt to retract his foreskin. Retraction happens at a different times for each boy. Some boys do not retract until puberty, this is perfectly normal.
http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet4.html
http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet6.html
http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/
http://www.cirp.org/pages/parents/peron1/

MYTH 3: If I don’t circumcise my son he will be ridiculed in the locker room.
FACT: 85% of the world is intact. In the US the circumcision rate is 56% and falling, so almost half his peers will have foreskin. In general boys make it a point to not look at other boys’ penises. They are not interested in whether someone is intact or not and it is safe to say that most people will never even see your son’s penis. When intact boys learn that some baby boys have their foreskins cut from them at birth and that you protected them from being circumcised, they are thankful and find it shocking that anyone would do that to a baby. Their reaction is one of pity for circumcised boys. A friend’s intact son learned about circumcision when he was about 5 years old. His response was, “OUCH, why would anyone want to do that?!?” Lastly, children will always find something to poke fun at. With positive reinforcement from his parents that his body is normal, whole, and healthy, an intact boy will be able to keep a healthy perspective should he ever encounter a problem with his peers.

MYTH 4: If a father is circumcised then he must circumcise his son to “match”.
FACT: If this were the case then all amputees would have the limbs of their children removed at birth. Children are not carbon copies of their parents. A father should teach his son to appreciate and feel good about his own body. If a boy questions his father as to why his penis looks different, parents can respond with a simple, truthful, and age-appropriate explanation. Here is a good example for a young child:
“Long ago people used to think it was good for babies to cut part off. When I was a baby Grandma had it done to me because she did not know any better. Now we know it hurts babies a whole lot, so Mommy and I decided not to ever let anyone do that to you”.
After explaining to you protected him from being cut down there, he will be thankful! Truthfully, a little boy is much more likely to question why Daddy has hair down there, it is a much more obvious difference. Besides, you already have to explain why Mommy is different, don’t you?
http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/Like-Son.htm
http://www.circumstitions.com/Father.html*

MYTH 5: The foreskin has virtually no functions so it doesn’t matter if it is cut off or not.
FACT: The foreskin is extremely functional. The skin that becomes the foreskin on men is the same skin that becomes the clitoral hood and the inner labia on women. and shares many of the same functions. Like female circumcision, male circumcision impairs the sexual function of its victims by removing erogenous tissue that is designed to enhance sexual pleasure. The foreskin includes the frenulum, the ridged band of nerves, and thousands of specialized nerve receptors that are an essential part of male genital anatomy. The foreskin itself is composed of completely different tissue than any other portion of the penis. The cells in tissue has been proven to provide both sensory an protective function. The male foreskin is designed to protect the glans of the penis throughout a man’s life, ensuring that the internal mucosal tissue remains moist and sensitive (much the same way that a woman’s clitoral hood protects the clitoris). In addition, the foreskin acts as a natural gliding mechanism to reduce chafing and dryness during intercourse. During an erection, the shaft of the penis becomes fifty percent (50%) longer. Where does the skin come from to cover that longer shaft? From the foreskin of course. And there is still some left to move loosely over the body of the penis, reducing friction during sexual intercourse, as nature intended. The total amount of tissue removed is the equivalent of 15 square inches on an adult male and contains over 20,000 nerve endings.
http://www.cirp.org/pages/parents/lostlist/
http://www.circumstitions.com/Functions.html*
http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...o/prepuce.html (video)

MYTH 6: Circumcision is a quick and relatively painless procedure with little to no risk.
FACT: Circumcision is a surgery that involves strapping a baby to a table straight limbed (this in itself is very traumatic), jamming a probe under the foreskin to tear it from the glans (remember it is fused during childhood), making a dorsal crush, cutting a slit down the foreskin, then slicing it away from the entire head of the penis, and then trimming the uneven surfaces. Male circumcision is actually longer and more involved than most forms of female circumcision. The entire head of the penis is left bloody and raw. There is a 20%-30% complication rate ranging from mild to severe. Complications of circumcision include: infection, excessive bleeding, removal of too much skin, need for corrective surgery, buried penis, adhesions, skin bridges, meatal stenosis (narrowing of urinary opening), meatal scarring or ulceration, damage or loss of other areas of penis, and even death. However, the risks of this surgery should not be confused with the guaranteed consequences. EVERY circumcision results in the loss of a healthy and functioning foreskin, causing detrimental changes to sexual function and reduced sexual sensations.
There IS pain even if the infant receives anesthetic, although, anesthetic is used LESS than 20% of the time in the US. Most infants only receive a sugary pacifier! During circumcision, an infant will experience such incredible pain that he will scream, become stiff and rigid, and then eventually go into neuro-genic shock causing him to pass into what appears as a deep sleep. This is the body’s coping mechanism to handle the intense pain he is experiencing. It is said that due to the immature nerve receptors that the pain an infant feels is actually more intense than what an adult would feel. If you have ever spoken to a victim of female circumcision they will tell you that the pain is indescribable. Nurses that work in the nursery are told to tell parents that the baby either didn’t fuss much or that the baby slept through the procedure. Nurses are not allowed to return an infant to his parents until he has calmed if he did not pass into sleep due to the shock during the procedure. After awaking the infant will experience throbbing pain for weeks following the operation and sharp stinging pains during urination. New studies are now reporting that circumcision also interferes with breast feeding due to the trauma and even prevents some babies from ever establishing a breast feeding relationship.
http://www.cirp.org/library/procedure/plastibell/
http://www.circumcision.org/response.htm
http://www.cirp.org/library/pain/
http://www.circumstitions.com/Complic.html*
http://www.circumstitions.com/Docs/nursing.pdf*

MYTH 7: If I don’t circumcise my son, it may need to be done later in life. I’ve heard of some 5-10 year old boys having to be circumcised.
FACT: The only reasons to amputate the foreskin, or any other body part for that matter, would be in the case of frostbite, gangrene, malignancy, or serious trauma. This misconception is another that stems from an epidemic of US doctors that are not educated about the normal development of the intact penis. Doctors that do not know about the anatomy and development of the foreskin often prescribe circumcision for a multitude of incorrect “reasons”. For example if a 10 year old boy is not retractable a doctor might tell a parent that he needs to be circumcised. This is not true. In fact, only 50% of boys are retractable by age 10. Many boys do not become retractable until puberty. This is normal. In the rare event that a man is not retractable by adulthood, there is steroidal cream that can be applied which will allow the skin to stretch. Amputation is not necessary for this rare condition. Infection is another “reason” that doctors ignorantly prescribe circumcision. The foreskin is NO more likely to become infected than any other part of the body. In the rare chance that there is an infection, antibiotic ointments are sufficient. Parents that complain of repeated infection are almost always parents that are trying to retract their child’s foreskin for “cleaning”. As stated before, there is not reason to try to clean under a boy’s foreskin. Trying to “clean” under the foreskin is the equivalent to trying to wash out a girls vagina. It will ultimately cause a flora imbalance and result in infection. Only warm water should be used around a child’s genitalia; soaps and bubble baths can cause irritations. Also, doctors must do a culture by swabbing the exterior, if infection is suspected to determine whether it is yeast or bacterial. If you use an antibiotic ointment on a yeast infection you will undoubtedly make the yeast infection worse. During the diaper-wearing years or after a round of oral antibiotics yeast infections can occur in both boys and girls. Yeast infection has nothing to do with the foreskin itself and is easily treated with an OTC monistate cream.
http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet7.html
http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...uncircson.html
http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...kinleaflet.pdf
http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/

MYTH 8: The medical industry has no interest in continuing circumcision.
FACT: Circumcision is a 400 billion dollar (per-year) business. Not only do hospitals and doctors profit from the 3,000 circumcisions that are performed each day, but that precious, nerve-rich foreskin actually being sold for use in skin grafts, medical testing and cosmetics. Talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul! In light of the fact that circumcision is classified as an unnecessary (non-therapeutic) surgery, insurance companies and medicaid in some states are now refusing to pay for it. Finally, a step in the right direction!
MYTH 9: Omitted, pm me for this

MYTH 10: Omitted, pm me for this.

MYTH 11: If I unknowingly circumcised my son so I must support circumcision.
FACT: It is never too late to save babies. When people know better, they do better. Parents who learn the truth about circumcision after already having circumcised their children can still educate their own children and others as to the harms of circumcision. As parents, we do the best we can with the knowledge we have. Sadly, many of our care providers have failed to provide us with the information necessary to make informed decisions with regards to circumcision. It is important to remember that admitting to having made a mistake does not make anyone a bad parent. Saving other babies from harm can be a source of healing for parents in this situation. In fact, these Intactivist can provide powerful testimony to expecting parents and they and are vital to the fight for genital integrity for both men and women in our country. There are also support groups to help parents who regret circumcising. It takes a strong and wise person to admit their errors, we need these people in our fight to save babies.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=112410

SUMMARY: Do not circumcise your baby boy. If at the age of 18 he would like to be circumcised, he has that option, but it is HIGHLY unlikely that he would choose circumcision. Less than 1 in 500 intact, adult males choose to lose their precious foreskin because they KNOW what they would be missing. Bottom Line: HIS BODY, HIS CHOICE.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
Circumcision Decision, a Nationally Televised Public Service Announcement: http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...30319025&hl=en
Circumcision Information and Recourses: www.cirp.org
National Organization for Circumcision Information and Recourses Center (NOCIRC): www.nocirc.org
Doctors Opposing Circumcision (DOC): www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org
National Organization to Halt the Abuse and Routine Mutilation of Males: www.noharm.org
Intact America: www.intactamerica.org
Penn and Teller Video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...91532653693892
Top 12 Reasons to Say “No” to Circumcision: http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5...rcumcision.htm
Circumstitions: www.cirucmstitions.com
Information for Daddy to be (also have him see the Penn and Teller video): http://www.infocirc.org/MensHlth.htm
2008 Male Genital Mutation Bill: http://www.mgmbill.org/
Ask Your Questions Here: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...splay.php?f=44
post #3 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemamaturtle5 View Post
So heres the thing...My husband and I are going to begin trying for another baby. I already have a son (he is a year and a half). My son IS circumsized and so IS my husband. All my life I was taught that when you have a baby...and that baby happens to be a boy...you get him circ. Well, since being on this forum and reading things elsewhere on how circumcision is really basically unessesarry...I feel like if we have another baby and it happens to be a boy I dont really think I want him circumsized. Well when I told my husband he was totally against that idea. He said that "well, if you talk to other guys that are not circumsized they will say they wish they were". and "Its harder to clean...therefore it will always smell bad down there" and stuff like that. The thing is I myself am not as well informed as I would like to be on the subject so I feel like I cant make a solid statement against what he is saying. I feel like he's winning!! I dont want to throw it in his face or anything...I just want us to be eye to eye on this and I want us to both learn more about it. I just feel right now with what I know about it... its pretty much unnecessary. *(Also... lets say we have another baby and its a boy and we decide NOT to circumsize him...I'm worried that it will make him feel weird seeing his daddy and brother who look different from him "down there"-- what do you all think?) ::
Honestly, you have nothing to worry about. I am a young guy, and I am also a twin. Although I am not exactly sure why (but I think it partly relates to the fact that I was in the hospital with health issues for a month, and my brother went home right after), but my parents had me circumcised and not my twin brother. Now we do not look alike, but I say not to worry because it was not a problem in my family. For two brothers sharing a bedroom(and later just a bathroom) we saw each other naked just about as much as you would expect to brother to, fairly often. I did not even realize that he was "intact" until high school. You have to remember kids look at things differently then adults. They do not come into situations with a bunch of cultural assumptions. My brother had brown hair, I had blonde, his eyes were different, so was our noses. Why would I have suddenly been surprised that our penises did not look the same either?

I was circed, my dad was circed, and my brother wasn't. This was never a problem in my family, and from what I have learned from my brother, it was never a problem for him either. It just never came up, its just the penis after all.

No offense to your husband, but often people (men and women) who are not use to intact genitals, make it much more dramatic then it actually is. To the same point, I can say my brother never smelled, and he has never stated any wish to be circumcised. If most intact men wished they had been circumcised, then most men in the world would be circumcised, but instead 80% of the worlds men are intact.

(If your husband stays stubborn, PM me, I have a few gem sites that I can share, that I don't share generally because the site is meant for teens)
post #4 of 31
Please also you need to know though, that 2 wrong don't make 1 right. Please protect your baby, be the mama bear you need to be to protect your baby boy.

She circumcised her first son...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1bQyu_72hg
post #5 of 31
both of my older sons are circ'd and I hate it but you can read my story and why I did them here on a thread if you wish. I just had my 3rd boy and he is intact. My dh tried to question it and so did everyone almost I said hell no and stuck to it. Noone can make you do it, and if you have to get rude about it then you do it and thats the end of it. :-)
post #6 of 31
If I were you, I would get in his face about this issue. I would tell him "over my dead body"....this is your one chance to make this decision, because once the 4skin is amputated, it's gone forever.

But for the sake of less-militant convincing, it always helps to tell people about some famous intact men:

John Mayer, Joaquin Phoenix, Leonardo diCaprio, Keanu Reeves, Will Smith, Samuel L Jackson, Elvis Presley, Ronald Reagan, John Leguizamo, Dane Cook, Jimmy Hendrix, John Malkovich etc.

Being intact did not seem to hurt their self-esteem, or their chances with the ladies. And why should being whole be a negative anyway?
post #7 of 31
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all of the info everyone!! But I just got into a huge argument with my husband/mother/&sister....UGH!! I cant stand it. They were all ganging up on me. My husband just plain didnt want to listen to me. I mean it is possible that boys/men can have problems with an intact penis right? I am so freakn' frustrated right now. My mom said that my cousin was intact and he developed some kind of problem where the foreskin was actually cutting off circulation to the head of the penis.....?!?!? Keep the information coming people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
post #8 of 31
Thread Starter 
(oh and my husband _out of being angry_ said that he is the father and he will decide if our next son is circ'd or not) Can you believe that crap. I mean I want us to BOTH agree not to have our next kid be intact.)
post #9 of 31
Just breathe! I know this can be frustrating, but you are educating yourself AND others. There are a couple great articles by Dr Fleiss that you could print and give to your dh to read. I would also show him some circ videos - and keep educating yourself. You can do this for your future son.
post #10 of 31
Thread Starter 
Okay (deep breath).....(blowing out).....I'm breathing and I'm going to try to calmly talk to my DH now. Thanks for all the support everyone!!
post #11 of 31
You know, you might want to drop it for a while. Because basically what your dh is feeling, whether he knows it or not, is that being circumcised is not as good as being intact -- a reversal of the message he's probably heard his whole life. And hey, his penis is circumcised, so what does that say about him and his sexual abilities?

A lot of guys just don't want to think about that. So it's easier psychologically to stick their fingers in their ears and go LA LA LA I'm not listening....which is what all the myths are about. They're ways to justify his own status and what he went through as a baby without having to think.....maybe I was strapped down and a good part of my penis was sliced off and there was no good reason at all. In fact now I'm missing something important.

You have plenty of time to convince your dh -- or to go mama bear on him and put your foot down if you have to. But if you come on strong and try to convince him right this very second, he's more likely than not to get defensive. Especially if it's already been an argument and he feels he can't back down so he has to dig his heels in further.

Just give it some time, and think about how best to approach him. You don't have to give in, and you don't have to agree to have your next baby circed, but you can figure out a way to treat your dh with compassion and respect while still being firm that it is your baby's body and therefore your baby's choice.
post #12 of 31
I have one boy and Papa circed and one boy intact. Don't worry at all about their differences "down there". They are each partial to their own bits. Older ds wishes he had the rest of his. Papa is still pro-circ. Doesn't matter. I cannot imagine either of my sons circing their children. I don't know if I could say that, had I caved on the second sons circ.

You can always tell your dh that if your boys don't like their foreskins they can elect to circ it when they are adults, just like they can elect to have any plastic surgery, when they are adults. It's their body, let them choose. (That is the best argument, although there should be no argument and no circing...)

An intact man is no stinkier or smelly than an intact woman. Can you imagine circing your daughter on an argument like that? Regular baths work on all people. lol

The fact that someday you're going to have teenage sons means you will have stinky boys at some point. (Said in love and humor)
post #13 of 31
Hey, maybe this will help convince him: here is a link to an MD in training, whose first assignment is to circumcise newborns. No experience necessary. Just have him read her cold comments on the screaming and blood...very educational, as are the comments following her blog.

http://mylifeasalush.blogspot.com/20...-columbia.html

Horrible people. Keep them away from you babies.
post #14 of 31
Also bring up Europe. Guys aren't circed there. Do we hear of legions of European men bemoaning their sexual problems and rushing off daily to get cut? No, we do not. We generally hear about hot French guys, hot Italian guys , hot Spanish guys. Etc.
post #15 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quirky View Post
You know, you might want to drop it for a while. Because basically what your dh is feeling, whether he knows it or not, is that being circumcised is not as good as being intact -- a reversal of the message he's probably heard his whole life. And hey, his penis is circumcised, so what does that say about him and his sexual abilities?

A lot of guys just don't want to think about that. So it's easier psychologically to stick their fingers in their ears and go LA LA LA I'm not listening....which is what all the myths are about. They're ways to justify his own status and what he went through as a baby without having to think.....maybe I was strapped down and a good part of my penis was sliced off and there was no good reason at all. In fact now I'm missing something important.

You have plenty of time to convince your dh -- or to go mama bear on him and put your foot down if you have to. But if you come on strong and try to convince him right this very second, he's more likely than not to get defensive. Especially if it's already been an argument and he feels he can't back down so he has to dig his heels in further.

Just give it some time, and think about how best to approach him. You don't have to give in, and you don't have to agree to have your next baby circed, but you can figure out a way to treat your dh with compassion and respect while still being firm that it is your baby's body and therefore your baby's choice.
I disagree. I think your right when you say he is frustrated because he is hearing the opposite of what he has been told his whole life. But disagree that he is angry because he "secretly" believes there is something wrong with his penis and does not want to admit it.

I know we always disagree on this point, but as a cut guy against circ, and from all the convo's I have had with other guys, the explanation that above just does not seem to fit.

He is frustrated because he DOES think circ is the best thing for his son, because its the only opinion he has heard on the subject his whole life, because it was the very first life lesson he ever learned, and has a scar so he will never forget. Because he believes his Mom did what was best for him, and now only wants to do the same for his son.

The only problem with all of this, is infant circumcision is NOT the best thing for his son. Its a tradition supported by myth and often causes more damage then benefit.

Is it true it is possible that boys/men can have problems with an intact penis. But boys and men can have trouble with ANY body part. But statistically guys dont have any bigger problem with their foreskin then they do with their stomach, or fingers, ears, or anything. For all the possible (and unlikely) health issues your son may face with his foreskin there are simple and effective ways of dealing with ALL of them.
post #16 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemamaturtle5 View Post
He said that "well, if you talk to other guys that are not circumsized they will say they wish they were". and
Hello there purplemamaturtle, I'd like to introduce myself, I am an intact guy and your husband is wrong [I don't mean that in an overbearing scolding sense just in relations to some of his assertions]. I've never 'wished' that I was circumcised. That is basically a myth. I suppose there might be a few (particularly in the US) who felt this way but they are just insecure. You have to remember that during the time your husband (and most of us) grew up, there was very little information on this subject and everyone just thought all men were circumcised. We didn't know that hardly anyone else in the world did it and the ones in the US who got away might have felt a bit out of place. That has all changed now. Just look how much information there is and how much the rates in the US has come down. I seriously doubt the issue will occupy your sons mind at all. Even if he's in a part of the US that unfortunately has higher rates of circumcision is still won't matter because the information is out there for him and his friends to see anyway. The days your husband speaks of (if they ever existed) are long gone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemamaturtle5 View Post
"Its harder to clean...therefore it will always smell bad down there" and stuff like that.
Absolutely not true. In infancy it's just 'wipe like a finger'. And when he is old enough to retract his foreskin, usually by puberty, it's just a quick retract, rinse, and replace. I can assure you that I spend much more time and effort washing my hair, brushing my teeth and wiping my a** then I spend on my penis.

Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemamaturtle5 View Post
The thing is I myself am not as well informed as I would like to be on the subject so I feel like I cant make a solid statement against what he is saying. I feel like he's winning!! I dont want to throw it in his face or anything...I just want us to be eye to eye on this and I want us to both learn more about it. I just feel right now with what I know about it... its pretty much unnecessary. *(Also... lets say we have another baby and its a boy and we decide NOT to circumsize him...I'm worried that it will make him feel weird seeing his daddy and brother who look different from him "down there"-- what do you all think?) ::
I, and I suspect most boys, think this >< much about their father's penis. There are many parents here with older boys circumcised, younger ones not but I think they'll also tell you it's not an issue.

Now I am willing to open myself up as a resource for related questions over PM if you wish. The detail I provide will vary on the question but I want to make sure you're comfortable dealing with some of those questions your husband asked.
post #17 of 31
Alright, breath.

Now, here's how I handled talking with my now ds2 daddy. When we first started dating, I let him know in no uncertain terms that his "status" didn't matter to me. I would love him either way. That being said, I would not let anyone hurt my children at all. I explained that the newborn is afforded little if any pain relief. I also told him that my ds1 was not. I said that any children we have that want it done can at age 18, however, if they want it "undone" they really can't. I answered all of his questions. And even now that ds2 is 15mo, he still has questions.

If your husband does have questions and you don't know the answers, ask us. We are very informed about peni. This group is more informed than any pro-circ group will ever be. I do love us. Click the links in my siggy, there's a lot of info there. Visit my myspace (www.myspace.com/lavendershuman), visit my friends. Just research.

About the extended family. I don't have to really deal with this. His mom told him she wishes we had done it. Other than that, no comments have really been made. The ones that have, a little research on their part generally shuts them up. Tell the family in no uncertain terms that YOU are the mama here. They have NO say in this matter. NONE.

I wanted to add that although our current law makers refuse to protect boys, it is ILLEGAL in the US to circ boys due to equal protection laws and the illegality of cutting on girls. Maybe, you don't wanna go there with the family, but with hubby.....
post #18 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by perspective
I disagree. I think your right when you say he is frustrated because he is hearing the opposite of what he has been told his whole life. But disagree that he is angry because he "secretly" believes there is something wrong with his penis and does not want to admit it.
You misunderstand me. He may or may not believe there is something wrong with his penis, but I will bet dollars to doughnuts that hearing his wife say that circumcision is wrong makes him think that SHE thinks there is something wrong with him. Because she is saying that circumcision is harmful, i.e. it harms penises, ergo his penis is harmed. And he doesn't want to think that there is, and will engage in quite a lot of denial, including advocating circ for his sons, so that he doesn't have to think that there is something wrong with his penis.
post #19 of 31
If you would like some resources mailed to you from NOCIRC... feel free to PM me with your address and I will send an envelope with a stack of info...that way you can... share with your husband...
\leave it in the bathroom for him to read at his own discretion, etc...
\good luck with everything!
post #20 of 31
Thread Starter 
Okay so I cooled down a bit and decided to talk to my husband. He himself did some research and decided on his own that he agrees with me on the subject. (I really didnt think it would be that easy by the way he was arguing with me before). I told him that I wasnt trying to start a fight, but I wanted to just inform him and inform myself better for that matter. I really really really appriciate all the advice all of you have given. I am still willing to learn more and will be reading with this group from now on. My mom and sister on the otherhand are still totally against it, but I dont care about what they have to say nearly as much as I care about what my DH has to say. So I'm really glad him and I are on the same page. I feel like I bad-mouthed him a little bit before, but I do love the man. And I guess this is a learning experience for the both of us and I knew we would end up on the same path. (Thanks again to all!!):

Also one more thing....I am catholic and was wondering if there were any catholic mamas/papas that have chosen to keep their boys intact? I would really like to know!! Thanks.
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Mothering › Forums › Health › The Case Against Circumcision › What kinda of advice would you give a person(like me)in a situation like this?