To baptize or not to baptize - the 'eternal' question:

[dislocator3972]

It's a bad pun, but it's my thread and I think I'm hilarious!

I'm a little nervous to even bring this up, because I really, REALLY do not want a discussion on the merits of organized religion, Christianity, or any of the beliefs I'm about to describe. I just need advice for communicating our position to my ILs.

Background: My generally wonderful ILs are LCMS Lutheran, they come from a long line of LCMS Lutheran pastors, and even had a family member present at the founding of the LCMS Lutheran church. My husband's older brother married an (*gasp!*) ELCA Lutheran, and everyone is still very 'aware' of this even years after the fact. My husband is the only child so far to attend a (*gasp!*) secular school and then he (*gasp!*) married me (very much not any kind of Lutheran) and they still don't know what to do with me. My faith is the most important part of my life, my husband and I spend time every day reading God's word and really trying to honestly apply it to our lives. We have a great church, an amazing relationship with God, and are more blessed than either of us had ever imagined possible.

But we won't be baptizing our children, and I know my ILs believe that unbaptized babies go to hell. I believe my FIL once stated that abortion was thought up by the devil to get more souls - and he didn't mean the mothers or doctors.

These are good people. Wonderful, well-meaning people. Just coming from a completely different point of view that I find complicated and frustrating because I cannot seem to understand them. I'm trying, I'm failing.

We are not baptizing our baby due in August. We will likely be moving to Fairbanks in May and they live in Colorado, so my first reaction is that if they don't ask, we don't have to tell, and since they won't be near enough to attend a service, they won't miss anything.

DH feels that this is somehow less than honest, and he's probably right. Letting them believe that our child is following a certain path that he or she is not following is not really ok. (stupid integrity!)

But how do we tell them?

We don't feel that infant baptism is the way to go because we can't find any evidence for it in the Bible. We've looked. For years. We've bought books, consulted with pastors (even LCMS Lutheran ones!), and even had a sit down with one of my ILs to try and hash the issue all the way through. It's not for us, it's not for this child. We don't believe our child is in any sort of danger, because we don't see any scripture that suggests that baptism is what keeps you out of hell.

But how do we tell them?

[CrunchyChristianMama]

My ILs are LCMS Lutheran as well, and my husband and I both grew up in the LCMS Lutheran church. We are both no longer Lutheran, so I understand where you're coming from! Our DD has not been baptized, and we have no intention of doing so. If/when she wants to be baptized, we will be thrilled, but it will only been done on her time.

I would basically tell them that you understand that they feel baptism is very important for babies, but that you have a different understanding of what the Bible teaches about baptism. And, because you are you LO's parent, and God has entrusted your LO to you and not them, you are going to do what you think is best. Let them know that you are more than happy to explain your reasons for why you prefer believer baptism over infant baptism, but that you have no desire to argue or have this be a divisive issue.

It's so hard when you know they believe that you are putting your child's eternity in danger though, so I understand that it's much easier said than done!

[eclipse]

Well, I'm not any kind of Christian, so I wouldn't (and didn't) have my kids baptized. I don't think it would be at all dishonest to have a don't ask don't tell policy, though. If they choose to believe something that isn't true without any evidence (meaning, you haven't lied to them about it), it's not really your responsibility. They might also already suspect that since you're such a "weirdo" ( - not Lutheran), that you might not baptize your kids - but choose not to bring it up. If you bring it up, they migth feel liek they have some sort of spiritual duty to try to change your mind.

On the other side of the coin - I know you don't believe infant baptism is necessary, but do you believe it's spirtually harmful in any way? If not, it might be gracious to do it for them as long as you don't have to agree to anything that you don't believe it. Also, does the church you belong to have any sort of welcoming/naming ceremony for babies? That's another way you might compromise on the issue.

[Callimom]

What about having a blessing or welcoming ceremony instead?

Karen

[KristyDi]

We don't believe in infant baptisim either.

My church does child dedication. There is scriptural precedent for dedicating children to God.

It's basically a public declaration that you intend to raise the child in faith, not intended to save the child. The parents promise to teach the child and be Godly examples. The grandparents/extended family promise to support the parents and be Godly examples. The pastor asks if you will do these things, you answer, "We will." kind of like a wedding ceremony.

If your church dosen't do anything like that maybe you could arrange a private thing and invite the baby's grandparents. Maybe your pastor would be willing to help you create a little ceremony and preside over it.

[DashsMama]

I'm not a Christian, but wanted to chime in and expound upon something eclipse said. I understand that you do not believe that infant baptism is Biblical or necessary for your child. Do you believe that it is in any way harmful spiritually?

If you do not see it as spiritually harmful, and if you will not be required to vow to raise your child as a LCMS Lutheren, (which you're clearly not going to do), and if the ceremony does not contain any other pledges or vows that you would break, then could you think of infant babtism as a way to maintain family harmony and follow the very biblical commandment of honoring your mother and father (your ILs in this case)? Could you think about it as more of a welcoming ceremony for your baby, even though your in-laws would consider it religiously significant? You will still be raising your child in your home, with your traditions, and would still let your child be baptised again when she is older.

I really don't know of any way you can communicate your beliefs to your in-laws that will not be taken as offensive to them. So, if possible, I vote for finding a middle ground.