I don’t know what do about this, I have made a #*@!!! mess of this
I really hope this is a support thread because I really need support. I am really starting to lose myself. There must be some kind of medical term for it like there is with postpartum depression, something like extreme toddler mommy burnout syndrome. I can’t keep control of my emotions anymore and have these raging crying fits. When I say I feel like I am going crazy I want it understood that I mean that in a way that if there isn’t some kind of change things are going to get very ugly.
Here is the root of the problem. I got some very bad parenting advice when I was pregnant with my twins. “You have to get them on a schedule. Let them CIO. Blah blah.” I’m sure you have all heard it, but it doesn’t work for all babies or all families. I bought the recommended book, Babywise, and read it before my twins were born. Well my son had different plans. He was a very high needs baby (with bad colic) from day one, and would only sleep on top of me. I also moved my daughter into our bed because it didn’t feel right to have her sleeping on her own. I really can’t believe parents can actually leave their babies to CIO after having my own children.
I was completely uninformed on attachment parenting at that time, but was just trying to do what felt natural to me. Neither did I have time to research parenting; it was all about just getting through the day. I was just winging it, still armed with the information that I had to get them on a schedule. But they had different sleep needs, so I started this really high maintenance nap routine to keep them both on the same schedule.
Now they are 18 months old, they still don’t have the same sleep needs, but I feel stuck with this routine that I absolutely RESENT. It involves keeping them awake until one of them is grouchy then boob them to sleep. Most days it goes fine, but sometimes I misinterpret their grouchiness and try to put them down for a nap too early. The result, maybe one gets to sleep but the other will wake the sleeping twin. This will keep going back and forth for hours, one waking the other, and I will have sore nipples letting them nurse for hours. I get seriously crazy when this happens because I have invested so much effort trying to get them to sleep. I know it isn’t their fault, but I can’t help it.
I don’t know if it is too late to do something different about their nap time, but I am open to any suggestions. I also know that I need to let go of my emotional attachment to this schedule thing that I have invested so much of myself into. Maybe I need counseling, if I had the time, but I really feel like I just need more help, and maybe lower expectations for myself. Thanks for reading if you got this far.
Thanks so much for all your support, it helps me not feel so alone. I like the idea of one on one time with them, but I don’t have the space to nap them separately without some major childproofing overhauls which I just don’t have time for now. I have been in the habit of nursing one of them every half hour in the mornings so I can sleep in. I’m thinking if I get up earlier with my girl and try to let my boy sleep in a little extra nap time might go more smoothly. I looked up the Elizabeth Pantley book http://www.pregnancy.org/article/whe...d-pantley-pull
and got some good ideas. The twins already fall asleep without nursing at bedtime, they will also stop nursing when I say all done at any time of day other than nap time (unless they really need the extra comforting.) I had to do this because they were really over-nursing me to fall asleep at night, but nap time has been the real challenge. I’m going to try getting their room darker and moving their bedtime earlier to try to make naps easier. I’m also going to stop the marathon nap nursing, if they don’t look drowsy after 10 min then “all done” and we will try again in an hour. I actually did this last part today, I curled up on the bed waiting for the next round and my son joined me. He actually fell asleep. My daughter didn’t nap, but she slept in this morning, 12.5 hours last night. Maybe she is just ready to drop the nap on some days.