April Dating thread - Page 8

[JohnnysGirl]

How was the backpacking trip? : He sounds great.

[Seie]

Butterflymom: Congrats on the job

Clementine: Bachelor sounds very interesting! Nothing like a man who can make you laugh - I also think it sounds promising that he doesnt need to be acknowledged for his skills all the time. Counts as a green flag in my book Keep us updated!

My guy is abroad this week - 10 days away from me - poor me.. No daily phonecalls as its way too expensive. He did write me a for him unusually long e-mail the other night though He really should write more - I so enjoy his clever little writings
He will come back home next week - cant wait to see him again..

[crazyeight]

Wow...you ladies blow me away! I don't know if I really belong here. I kinda have this odd thing going on. Married, getting divorced when dh gets back (sept), dating my BF (ugh that is not the word to describe him) whom I would follow like a puppy of which me and him are polyamorous (and he's married) of which HIS wife is having a hard time and I really have large doubts that I will ever get a commitment from him that would satisfy my feelings.

Add into all that the very scary fact that I really haven't dated outside of high school and I'm a ball of nerves and tears and anger and loneliness and I think I'd just about give anyone a good reason to run the other way.

Either way I have firmly (on my good days ) planted myself in the mindframe that I'm rebuilding my life and I can do it any darn way I want.

Where in the world do you ladies go to even meet those lovely intoxicating masculine men?! Truly I go to the commissary and then kids activities (zoo, parks, and other places mostly moms go).

Loved reading all your updates...I've never had the opportunity to see that there IS hope after divorce and that there ARE lots of good guys out there (my dh is a good guy but my mom divorced and never found another so I'm really depressed about the real prospect of being 'alone' for the rest of my life).

[Seie]

Danielle: I honestly believe most divorced single mamas are single by choice. I seem to read about it here all the time - once you have kids you get picky and many moms seem to keep waiting for the right time to start dating - or are scared off from men entirely - or dont have the time or ... fill in for yourself.
I personally think that being single is in the long term a choice. Sure there are horrible men outthere, sure it is hard and draining to date and get dumbed etc. Sure its sometimes easier to just stop dating completely to protect ones heart from injury and to not have to invest all that energy into something so insecure, when that energy could be invested in your children. But when it comes down to the buttom line IMO its a choice. You can choose to have the goal to find a new man in your life or you can choose not to have that goal. If you want a man and you put your energy into finding him eventually I believe you will. But obviously how successful you have have a lot to do with your own selfesteem, the men you choose to date and especially who you choose NOT to date.
I believe I have learned the hard way who NOT to date.
But ok - honestly I probably shouldnt even be talking about these things as I consider myself extremely lucky these days. It seems a good man just came raining from the sky right in my lap. I have no idea what I did to be so lucky, but after all - I am 31 one so it was about bloody time too that I found love..
Good luck

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by dhinderliter

... dating my BF (ugh that is not the word to describe him) whom I would follow like a puppy of which me and him are polyamorous (and he's married) of which HIS wife is having a hard time and I really have large doubts that I will ever get a commitment from him that would satisfy my feelings.

Well..... ahem..... if you have (large!) doubts that you'll ever get any commitment from him that would satisfy you, and you are in such a tenuous place right now emotionally, in a not-quite-done marriage, and you are unhappy and predicting more pain.... why not jump off this train, let that BF you are crazy about know that when he's ready for what you're ready for, you'll be there, and take a few breaths on your own. And decide if you really ARE poly. I mean, you haven't been out there dating since high school so perhaps you really don't know exactly what types of romantic relationships you are best designed for...? I think of polyamory as being kind of a varsity level relationships-management/human-relationships-juggling activity. Sure, people can live that way and be happy, but it seems fraught with landmines and best navigated by those who are dead certain about it, preferrably dead certain and established with a primary partner, and ready to calmly handle each sticky situation and complication one at a time (with that primary, sturdy partner I just mentioned, preferrably).... No offense, and I don't know you, but the way you describe where your head is at nowadays, it doesn't sound like you are feeling very settled and clear about ....romance in general, and what kind of relationship you want and with whom. Maybe just start with Junior Varsity dating activities (two single people getting to know each other) and move up to Varsity when you are feeling confident and ready to explore that side of yourself, with someone whom you feel is really on board/on the same page with you about it.

I don't really know what I'm talking about so take what I say with a grain of salt. BUT, you have admitted you are hurt, nervous, scared, angry, and lonely and perhaps you are right--you won't attract the right kind of guy this very minute in that mindset. Try to get to a calmer, happier place within yourself and then think about what you really want and whether current BF can give that to you at all. Good luck! Keep us posted!

[mmace]

I lurk and check in on you all regularly, but don't feel like I have much to add! My sweetheart and I will be celebrating the second anniversary of our first date in a few weeks, and he's been the only one in my heart ever since. So even though we are dating, I'm also not really *dating*, KWIM?

[Seie]

Marissa. Great to hear you are happy and dating your love How about talks of marriage? Did you ever resolve your "issues?". Feel free to ignore if I am stepping too close ..

[mmace]

Talks of marriage have stalled. Our kids (my fifteen year old daughter and his seventeen year old son) decided a few months ago that they "have feelings for each other". Sigh...

Marriage is coming, just not real sure how soon - we kind of need to ride this out before combining out families.

But things between us are wonderful - I love him more every single day!

[~Clementine~]

No backpacking.. the weather was yucky... Updates are fun fun fun accidental bike ride, with me on the back of his bike, in a dress transporting bottle of wine.... Hit my head on the bike rack on top of his car... that was great.
His roomates gf text messages him all the time.. hmmm? Went to a show, danced. Stayed in made dinner.. Had fabulous sex. Once last night and twice this morning. He's still funny and so intelligent and polite. I love his personality. He honestly likes me and he's responsible!

But... He doesn't give me compliments?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm