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April Dating thread - Page 2

post #21 of 149
I've been separated for about 7 months, and have no interest at all in dating. There are too many major life transitions right now for that to be on my radar. Guys have hit on me a few times, which felt...odd. But it's nice to know that I still have it, even if I'm not currently interested.

Once the dust settles, I'll be up for making friends first like someone said earlier in this thread. Dating? We'll see...

post #22 of 149
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post

Can we separate these threads? Those ready to date and/or in a relationship and those not ready?
Good point, up to now we have been putting all of the dating topics in one thread. I am not sure if I can unmerge, but will try.
post #23 of 149
I just wanted to also vote for unmerging the thread.
And I wish it could be re-stickied, like rubelin said...

I'm trying to back off from posting so much, because I think I was worrying some poor mamas on here who thought perhaps I've lost my mind and that's why I'm spending time dating multiple men....

But I'm still dating. For those who were following my silliness, Smoothie is still kinda in the picture, although I'm getting tired of his nonchalance and seeming snail's pace to ever ask me out on a proper date because of his schedule (just preferring to squeeze in time with me at random points where they work into his schedule without him having to move anything--the man never has a day free or an entire evening, seemingly ). I'm talking to a few online guys I haven't met yet.... : Let's see if any of them turn into real-life potentials. :
post #24 of 149
Butterfly- believe me, many of us missed you here

after some thrilling attention from men in February, i've been laying low mostly... i've actually started talking to several guy friends regularly on e-mail ... nothing romantic but it's nice to be in contact with males without it being negative or overly sexual. i think it's a good way to rebuild my trust for the whole male species in general.

i have realized that i am TERRIFIED of being in a relationship... absolutely terrified of it. my 'lil guy is my whole world... so i think making friendships is the way to go right now!
post #25 of 149
Butterflymom: Great to have you back I say ditch smooth and busy - or at least make sure you are not exclusive with him Sounds like he is too "busy" to be worth your time.

Been thinking about you

News here - BF quit his job!! I was slightly shocked when he told me - but am really happy for him. He seems very relieved to have done it, and is now working on what to do next. He is very resourceful so I am certain he will manage somehow. Still crazy about him - more and more so in fact - if that is even possible.. I am meeting some of his family on friday for the first time - am very excited about that. He will be meeting my parents on sunday - he did already briefly - but it was right after my grandmothers funeral so my parents were - a bit distant. Am looking forward to them meeting him for real. When they get to know him I am sure they will understand why this is special and why i have been talking and talking about him for the past 4 months. He was here yesterday - the kids love him already - and he seems to genuinely enjoy their company too so all is as it should be
post #26 of 149
i'm so sad this thread fell off the first page I love reading about everyone's dating life I don't have one so it's nice to read about someones
Butterflymom~i miss all your posts!
post #27 of 149
Where do you momma's meet guys? I met DD's father on a dating website..after that experience rather leary of doing it again.

At this point haven't really thought of dating again. Sadly there isn't a whole lot I miss about men. I am sure that will change at some point.
post #28 of 149
Originally Posted by jt'smum View Post
Where do you momma's meet guys? I met DD's father on a dating website..after that experience rather leary of doing it again.

At this point haven't really thought of dating again. Sadly there isn't a whole lot I miss about men. I am sure that will change at some point.
im glad you brought that up. i just joined match.com for the helluvit. Ive never done the internet thing and thought it couldnt hurt. I met my stbx in church so.... heck, if you cant meet a decent guy in church Im losing hope for finding one at all anyway, stbx left me aug 2007 while I was pg with DS. I feel like I am ready but not ready to date. I need a someone right now to spend time with and have fuzzy feelings but I am also ttc with a donor. I want another child first before I want a serious relationship. I guess Im looking for someone to have fun with for right now... does that make sense?? oy!
post #29 of 149
Hi everyone. I met my boyfriend on okcupid.

So.. haven't updated in a while. I guess I'm not technically dating anymore, either, but.. oh well. Boy and I have been together 3 months now, and we've been through hell and back.. my gosh! Issues with exes, issues with all sorts of things. I wasn't sure we'd get through it, and we actually DID break up briefly, but then I just couldn't find any justification for us not being together (I got it in my head I have SO much to do to get my life back on track) and why we can't do it together. So long story short, we're still together, going strong, love him more every day.. very happy!!

Seie-- does that mean your guy has more time for a while?

Butterflymom-- I loved reading about your dating adventures!

post #30 of 149
I met bf on Match.com also.

I met my previous bf via eHarmony.

I have had only positive experiences with meeting men online, although I can imagine how you could also have negative experiences too.

Granted, you can have positive and negative experiences with men anywhere you meet them... online, in the grocery store, at the bookstore, church, in a bar, etc.
post #31 of 149
Tripleaces: Pls do tell about all you have been through with BF if you feel like it

Yes BF has more time now - but I think he will start up his own business - he's done that once before - ran his own company for 5 years and did really well - till he left his wife and at the same time lost some big customers so he had to leave the country to find work here (his home country - he lived abroad for most of his adult life) Anyway he knows that it will be a lot of hard work - while studying too. So for the time being he has a bit more time to see me. It also helps that he has met the kids so he sometimes comes by on sundays too and during the week

I bought a car today!! A citroen berlingo - a beautiful green one. Took me a long time to find the right one, but finally found it. Will be picking it up in a couple of weeks time. And met BFs parents briefly today for coffee. They were really sweet and I see where BF got his inner harmony from. Both his parents seem like very pleasent, intelligent and warm people - met his almost adult niece too - so I guess we are getting pretty official :
He mentioned working abroad for shorter assignments - one of his friends had mentioned that he could move abroad but he said he wont, since his girlfriend is here Anyway he asked me if I would think it OK if he for instance went to work abroad for a month or two at a time - I said its no big problem - you wont get rid of me that easy. He answered that he doesnt ever want to get rid of me I still can hardly believe that i had to turn 31 to meet the One guy! Im in loooove
post #32 of 149
Seie, things sound so great! :

Tripleaces, you and your guy sound so in love and great! :

Smooth & Witty has been calling/texting a lot since I last posted.... and when he called last night I was like, "look, it would be nice to plan a date aheade of time instead of just these little impromptu things" and he took the hint right quick and said, "How about Saturday night, are you free? I'm free the whole evening, I'll be all yours" and we arranged a proper date night. Finally. He was already laying in bed when he called and he said he really wished I would be there to sleep next to him already that minute, .........so I said if he asked real nice I would run over and bring my pajamas and toothbrush & sleep next to him and he got so excited and asked me sweetly and I just threw my shoes and coat on and went over (he lives 5 minutes walk away, just around the block). I threw on my pajamas and slid into bed next to him in under ten minutes from his request, and we just gently kissed and snuggled and had all kinds of pillow talk (minus all the normal teasing/joking around which is always great fun but leaves me feeling a gulf between us in terms of getting more emotionally connected) for a couple of hours and then drifted into sleep and hung on to each other in various spooning-directions all the night long. He woke up so glad to see me there next to him and gushing about how nice it was that I came over last minute last night to sleep with him, and he slept so well with me, and wishing we could stay cuddled up all morning if he didn't have to go to work. I kissed him goodbye and said I'd see him saturday. I left feeling like I liked him even more. again. Every time I see him I like him more, and this morning I have had that butterflies feeling while thinking about him, like this has been yet again revived from near-dissipation. Revived quite strongly. But it's the sort of thing where neither one of us is obsessive about the other when we are in the spaces in between meeting....I forget about him if I haven't heard from him in a day or two (or longer) and he seems to not be obsessing over me on his end (if his lack of communication during days-in-a-row and lack of wanting to plan things on his calendar that involves me is any indication), but perhaps that's just us taking things slowly and maturely and it will eventually develop into more and more..... but in a non-co-dependent/needy sort of way, which would be great. I find him more attractive that he has a full and great life and doesn't NEED a woman (me), and I want to approach a romantic relationship from the same point of wanting to find a man that I WANT to be with, but do not NEED. Hopefully I'll start to get the feeling that he WANTS me in his life awfully badly, despite his healthy un-neediness, and hopefully I'll feel the same way.

But, I had a lunch date with an older gentleman this afternoon, a first meeting from an online dating site for Finnish people. We had been emailing and phone calling for a couple of weeks (during a very Smoothie-less period of March) and finally met in person. I was dubious about him being young-looking-enough to peak my interest, because he's 18 years older than me. However, he is amazing. Think Robert Redford, but 20 years ago. Thick, thick strawberry blonde hair, 6'4", broad shoulders, athletic/fit, piercing blue eyes, looks about ten years younger than he is (I'd have guessed 35)confident posture/gait, and he was dressed in a fine suit and drove up in a jaguar, and had picked the restaurant, which turned out to be one of the finest places in the city to eat. Oh boy. I showed up in jeans. He didn't warn me that it was gourmet!! I felt horribly intimidated and awkward (and poor!) next to him. How is it that every guy I meet ends up looking down at me from the uppermost socioeconomic echelon, and I feel so ratty in my second hand thrift store clothes, when he just spent last weekend sailing on his yacht.
Well, so far they don't seem to care. So maybe I shouldn't either. It's just weird I keep on accidently on a date with someone who is pretty damned well-off when it's actually pretty uncommon in Finland to be so (there's pretty much one big middle class in Finland and that's about it). What a weird coincidence.

I need a nickname for this grandpa. And I don't wanan call him 'Grandpa', either, because he is so sexy. Um........ let's call him 'the Gentleman.' He really is refined and sophisticated. And I never thought I'd be so attracted to a man 18 years my senior (that's waaaaay more of an age gap than I have any experience with. My ex was 4.5 years older and that was my first age gap of any size at all). But I was definitely attracted. But do any of you have any opinions on this major age difference...? How would it look in ten years, if we ended up together and me and his (currently 18 year old daughter) are maybe pregnant at the same time (I want to have another child at some point in the coming decade)...? Weird, huh?
I plan on playing it by ear and seeing the Gentleman for another elegant lunch. Why not? Well, if things seem like they are turning into a real relationship with Smoothie this weekend, maybe that will be why not. But let's see........

Thanks for making me feel wanted around here, guys!
post #33 of 149

jumping in :)


Hi all.

I've been lurking along on this thread for a loooooong time, and finally got my username changed (PM me if you want to know my old username) so I can post!

I'm not actually dating anyone right now. This fall I had a brief and intense thing with a guy I'll call Complications (I'll be like butterfly mom and give nicknames). We had remained close friends and had a few go rounds with some physical stuff, but it seems that in the last week or so he has stopped communications with me.

I've had a little crush on a neighbor, who I'll call Jester, for a while now. I've also seen his online profile on our small local site, but hadn't done anything about it due to being neighbors (in a small rural community) and a fairly significant age difference (17 years). But he is cute, so last night I asked another neighbor about him a bit, and she said she'd nudge him in my direction.

So we'll see. I've had online ads up on and off, currently off, but I do like to browse. I know I'm likely only looking for something slow and casual, and I have almost no kid free time to date anyway...

Though, I wonder if anyone else can relate to this: I have such an intense amount of feelings for Complications, I would drop everything if he said he was ready to be with me, for real. I have another friend who got divorced recently and feels the same way about the first man she was with after her marriage, an equally brief/intense fling.

I wonder if it is some kind of weird imprinting that happens with the first guy. Anyone else relate?

Anyway, I'm really glad I can jump in here now. I've had such fun following all your stories. Butterfly mom, I love hearing your adventures! Seie and Tripleaces, you guys are giving me hope...

So, we'll see if Jester comes around this week. I'll let you guys know

post #34 of 149

I'm so glad you touched on two hot button topics for me: age diff and first-guy-after-divorce-so-intense.

: Me too! Both issues!

I had to give up the derrogatory nickname for my first intense-n-brief thing after divorce, but I think if I mention my vanishing-act 'Brussels guy' you all know who I've been talkign about since November. I still flippin' think about him every day. : If he showed up on my doorstep and wanted to move in and be with me, I think I'd burst into tears, my heart explode, and I'd throw my arms around him and get tears and snot all over him and happily offer my entire heart and self to him and try to live happily ever after with him. How much do I HATE THAT about my weak, pathetic self that I know I would take him back after he vanished/ditched me after new years. : I wish I had more self respect. But it was so gosh darned intense, that a piece of me is scared to death I'll never feel that way about anyone again (it was a ten year period since I had felt that way about anyone before that, and only once before, ever).

And a 17 year age difference is just about the situation I'm dealing with! 29 and 47, what do you all think?? My mom is 15 years younger than her husband and it's absolutely fine. Right now I'm just thinking that if he looks that yummy and fit and virile at 47, he'll probably look good (just more and more, um, distinguished ) for a couple more decades and it's all good! Another part of me thinks, "In, say, 6 years I'll be 35 and still maybe thinking babies and he'll be 53 and his two daughters will have finally grown up (17 and 24 by then) and what's the chances he'll wanna start all over again???"

Any thoughts from the rest of ya'll? :

sugarmoon, is he older or younger?
post #35 of 149
I haven't posted in a while. I met one of my brother's friends about two months ago and I started hanging out with him. I had a crush on him, and he told me that he liked me but seemed nervous to do anything about it. We've done nothing more than kissing when sober, a little bit more after a few drinks. But he's just super nervous about the physical stuff and I feel mean but it just won't work for me if he can't be confident about that. Is that really mean of me? I seem to have a problem where guys seem confident when I meet them but once I show an interest they start saying how I'm way too good and pretty for them. Have any of you guys experienced that? I don't know what to make of it. I do try to go for not super hot guys since I don't think really hot guys would want to deal with two kids. But I really want to meet someone who is confident in themselves. Any opinions?
post #36 of 149
Artlover: It sounds like the guys you have been dating are - well - young? It sounds like a typical 21-year-old behaviour? Maybe look for slightly older men? (I may be completely off - here - I dont even know your age) I guess all I can say is - dont settle. Go for who you want - not who you think want you. The funny thing is that you tend to be able to get the men you think you deserve. If you think you deserve wonderful, sweet, caring hot men, thats what you will end up getting - and the opposite too.

Butterflymom: Nice to see you back to posting Gentleman sounds interesting. However I would get clearified pretty soon what he is after. Sounds to me like he could be the rich-older-guy-into-young-women kind of guy? Is he serious? Is he looking for something serious or something that will go well with his car and get him approving looks by his peers in the yacht-club? Sorry if I am being blunt - but you know what I mean.
Smooth and witty - sounds like he could end up a BF? But doesnt sound like he is really really what you want? Doesnt sound like a soulmate or partner for life material kind of guy from how you describe him. Is he a stereotype kind of guy? But just thinking out loud as obviously I only know what you tell..

Enough from here. I need to take a shower and get ready for tomorrow to meet BF at his brothers house. Looking sooo much forward to it.. He will be gardening - and he is so sexy in a garden. Its a passion of his - and he really is masculine among plants - if that makes sense.. He is a real muscular kind of guy - he lifts weights so is extremely fit. (Actually I think he looks like one of those topless jeans-type muscular guys you sometimes see on posters in teen girls rooms ) So put him in a tight T-shirt and let him dig a bit.. hehe.. Will be a good weekend..
post #37 of 149
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
Artlover: ....I guess all I can say is - dont settle. Go for who you want - not who you think want you. The funny thing is that you tend to be able to get the men you think you deserve. If you think you deserve wonderful, sweet, caring hot men, thats what you will end up getting - and the opposite too...
: to Artlover. Good to see you back here.

Seie your weekend of lusting after your gardening boyfriend sounds great!

I dunno if Smoothie could end up a BF or not. : ask me after our big saturday date.

The Gentleman could be looking for *anything*--I've only met him once, after all. Let's see.... I texted him thanking him for lunch and he didn't even text me back. However, he was hiding easter eggs with his daughters, so I get that he is busy this weekend with them. :

I went out tonight, and just thought about vanishing guy in Brussels the whole time and how much I miss him, and walked home fighting back tears about how much I hate this period of time where a) I miss my kids so badly when they are with their dad and b) I hate that the one guy who I have felt so strongly about since college, and fell so hard for, (but who totally dropped the ball and let me down big time last Christmas) is in Brussels not calling me or probably remembering my name. Darn him.
Love is tough. But I can take it. I'm tougher. I just vent here, so thanks for listening, guys!
post #38 of 149
hey mamas, so I mentioned the other day that I just joined match.com to give it a try... I found a guy that at first didnt have a picture. When guys contact me without a pic I usually just delete them because I feel they have something to hide. I gave it a thought and decided to give this guy a chance. I read his profile and he is quiet charming and I liked everything about him. Then we got to emailing and texting and everything was great. he posted some pics and he is not bad looking, not quiet my type but he is still cute. I think I could get into it... but here is the catch.... While I get that he is probably excited to have met someone (me) that he clicks with so far, I got the feeling maybe he was desperate or really clingy. he hasnt been in a relationship for about 2 yrs so I know im not a rebound and he is 33 and claims to be mature and responsible. Um... Im not so sure. He texted me all day even after I told him I was busy. Then he kept asking me "so how do you think our conversation is going?" what? um it was fine till you asked that! I mean we seem to get along but what more do you want me to say. Then he asked me that again about an hour latter and I replied with the same response. So he asked what time I was off work yesterday and I told him 3. At 3:15 I get a text "how was work?" Ok that kind of stuff is sweet and I DO like that in a relationship but I only met you a few hours ago! then I told him last night that I was super tired and couldnt chat because I wake up early for work and my day begins at 4 am. He understood and let me go. Well this morning at about 5am he texts me saying "hello...i wanted to be the first to say good morning to you. have a great friday." Ok kinda sweet but still a bit much for not even knowing me 24 hours right? Then I asked him if he was an early bird or if he woke up just for me that early and he replied with "I set my alarm just for you." um... I dunno what to think.... we get mad when our men dont do little cute thoughtful things like this and when they do we get freaked out... I mean its not about the actual things he is doing, just feel like he is rushing... does that make sense? any input?
post #39 of 149
It doesn't matter about the details. If it feels like a red flag to you, it probably is one.

Anyone ever read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell? It's soooooooo not about dating, but it's about how the human brain works and about these 'gut feelings' and 'hunches' that we all talk about and implicitly understand but don't really explicitly understand what they are. It explains them on the neurophysiological level and it's soooooo interesting. Red flags/hunches/gut-feelings are your inner wisdom, organicpapayamama and if you are posting on here the way you are vs. 'oh my god this guy is so sweet and I can't believe I found someone that just feels so right and we are just letting it all out and not playing games or acting cool and i'm sooo happy' then the little signs of 'thoughtfulness' are indeed the way you interpreted them: needy, desperate, and clingy. And those traits could turn concerning should you decide you've had enough and try to ditch him (not to be alarmist).....

Tell him kindly once that you like him but wanna take things slow, especially before ever having met in person, and if he doesn't understand that and curb his enthusisasm right quick, then maybe stop communications..... it's not just immature to not read someone elses' between-the-lines-communications (the way he isn't reading you and not noticing that you aren't thrilled with his level of contact), but it's also a sign that he's not emotionally very mature/socially very adept. Bad signs indeed.
post #40 of 149
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
It doesn't matter about the details. If it feels like a red flag to you, it probably is one.

(Great book, too!)

Neediness and desperation are typically signs of someone who is NOT happy and content in their own life. They are looking for someone -- quite desperately -- to 'complete' them and bring meaning/happiness to their lives. That is a very dangerous and unhealthy mix to get involved in.

Listen to your instincts, heed their warning and be VERY clear and honest with this man.
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