Feeling guilty

[shahjehan]

My DD is 34 months old, and I am also nursing my 12 month-old twins. On Monday of this week DD was especially aggressive toward the twins and acting out in other ways. There seemed to be no real reason for it, other than her age and that we have spring fever big time. She fell asleep on a chair while a took a bath that night-every night of her life before that with rare exception she has nursed before bedtime. The next morning she woke up, nursed quickly and told me she was done with "na-nas" because she was a big girl. Throughout the day she did not ask to nurse and seemed very excited about the prospect of not nursing. We even had my nephews over and had a weaning party with cake and everything. She was on board, and able to articulate very well that she did not want nanas anymore and that she was done. Since then, she has woken each night and asked for it once, cried a bit and fallen back asleep after a glass of water and cuddling with me with her hand on my breast. During the day she jokingly asks to nurse but is easily distracted and does not seem upset. She has been chewing on her shirt and socks, and stuffed animal toys, but only in passing. I don't want to force her to wean if she is not ready, but to be honest I feel she is ready. I am just nudging her ever so slightly by reminding her. I feel so much more relaxed as a mother cuddling with her and knowing it won't lead to nursing, and that has helped me since I am already nursing two others. I guess I am just looking for reassurance that I am doing the best thing for us, and I am supporting her in her wishes. Am I pushing her?

[ElliesMomma]

no experience here. my daughter is about a month older than yours, and still nursing. others may have more educated opinions about this, but it does seem to me that she is "asking" and even though she said she was done, isn't it normal for the CLW to taper down in spurts, a few here, a few there, not consistent like before. plus if she's waking up asking for it, that's subconscious asking, which to me shows she still has a need. and personally i wouldn't like my child starting to chew on things as a substitute.

this is just my humble opinion, but i think i'd give it to her when she asks.

but i'm not also nursing twins.

good for you mama to be handling all of those nurslings!

[TiredX2]

First, I don't think you need to spend *any* time feeling guilty. To triandem nurse for 12 months is GREAT!!! What you deserve is a huge pat on the back.

From what you are describing DD is not fully ready to CLW. That does not mean, though, that it is horrible for you to decide that *you* are ready to respectfully wean her though. CLW can always be a goal, but if you and DD can compromise and both come out of it happy, that can also be an excellent outcome.

Many kids have times where they really do think they are ready to wean, but the reality is much harder than they expected. For me, I would want to continue nursing through that, but that is your choice! If you read through the CLW forum, though, you'll find that most experienced CLW moms don't consider a child weaned until weeks or months past their "last" nursing session "just in case" because many children regret that decision and go back nursing even after a rather lengthy break.

Good job and good luck with whatever you decide! :

[shahjehan]

Thanks for your replies and support ladies. I think I just needed to hear myself think out loud. Tiredx2, you are correct that it isn't a completely CLW, which is where the guilt comes in. This post doesn't really belong in this forum, I suppose. I guess I do not want to continue nursing all three any more, and Ruby is close to giving it up. I pushed her a little bit, but she seems to be at peace with it right now. She hasn't asked to nurse in two days, and her behavior has been typical. I bet she would have truly weaned herself in the next couple of weeks/months.

I am proud that we made it so long, and that I nursed her through a difficult and trying pregnancy and early months of triandem nursing.

I admire all you ladies who are trusting, loving and patient enough to truly CLW:.

[sapphire_chan]

How about asking her to tell you a story about her day when she snuggles up? Something like that that can't be done with a full mouth. And tell *her* how you like cuddling without nursing. Might help her out with being comfortable about being weaned.

And who knows? Maybe if that makes her ask fewer times a day then you'll be okay with saying yes for those times? Not that weaning at 34 months after 12 months of triandeming ( is "not sticking with it" enough.

[calpurnia]

i think you have done an AMAZING job, whether you decide to gently wean your eldest daughter now or not. i am 10 months into nursing a singleton & have so much respect & admiration for you!

[Eman'smom]

Don't feel guilty for a minute, you have tandem nursed 3 children for a year, that is amazing.

It's ok for you to feel done, remember it's Child Lead Weaning not Child Controled weaning.