Better to be upfront about the hard stuff? - Page 2

[spicyrock]

man, do i wish someone had told me how hard it could be. all i heard was, "oh, you'll be fine, you're so relaxed and there's just nothing to it." i heard this from at least ten people, including my mother and grandmother. i wondered why lactation consultants existed, and why anyone would ever choose to formula feed, and why so many women said they couldn't do it. and then i had my dd. we had problems- thrush and jaundice- but aside from that, no one had warned me about what a time commitment nursing would be! i was shocked by how tied to my rocker i became. and it was worth it, every bit worth it- i love nursing and how close i feel to my dd- but i felt like such a failure every time she was too lethargic to latch, and so rejected... and there were so many times that i almost gave in and switched to formula because i thought i was failing my baby. i just wanted the best for her! and i was so worried that i wasn't able to give her that. i didn't realize that what i was going through was normal and temporary.

[mariekitt24]

It seems like everyone agrees it's good to tell people how hard it has the possibility of being, as do I.
Coming from someone who hasn't done it yet and is trying to learn more about it, I am glad I have learned that it is normal if I end up suffering because of it, so I'm bracing myself. But at the same time, to be honest, I have yet to hear from any real women besides in books that breastfeeding isn't a horrible experience at first.
Although Im willing to breastfeed no matter what it takes, it would be nice to hear a little more about how its NOT torture for some women, and all the good news about how it DOES get easy after a while. Everyone I talk to in real life gives me the impression its going to be so horrible I will just give up. So, I guess I've experienced the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to all of this. Perhaps a good balance of information is best. Where I stand right now, (despite that its not going to change my mind) Im actually DREADING the experience because women have been so "upfront".

I also think its important to educate women on why it's good (and normal) to breastfeed, above all else, so that despite what information they might receive, they will still be determined to stick with it.

[GoBecGo]

I think some of this is a real cultural problem. I have friends who work in various countres in NOrth Africa and over there it is not uncommon for the babysitter to put a baby to her breast (no pacifiers) if mama isn't there - many of the babysitters only JUST have breasts! Imagine being able to see BFing and physically practice latching a baby before you are ever PG! What a difference that would make for so many of us, having the physical skill in place before we need it!

Woul you lend your baby to a non-mama friend, pg or not, to let her experience the sensation?

[krystyn33]

Originally Posted by mariekitt24

Everyone I talk to in real life gives me the impression its going to be so horrible I will just give up. So, I guess I've experienced the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to all of this. Perhaps a good balance of information is best. Where I stand right now, (despite that its not going to change my mind) Im actually DREADING the experience because women have been so "upfront".

I also think its important to educate women on why it's good (and normal) to breastfeed, above all else, so that despite what information they might receive, they will still be determined to stick with it.

I know three women who had no issues at all--just prolactin-induced bliss--and some who found nursing was an adjustment but didn't have it quite so bad pain-wise. I think the important thing about knowing upfront about the tough stuff is being prepared. Have support in place before the baby comes. Attend a LLL meeting while pregnant--I SO wish I had done that. You will get a variety of perspectives on both the tough parts and the wonderful stuff. Know who to call to get help if you are in pain--don't wait for it to just fix itself. Someone may have a technique or adjustment that can fix any latch issues, or treatments for thrush, plugged ducts & sore nipples (which do not happen to everyone--I never had thrush).

One of the best pieces of advice I received was to just take things one step at a time--tell yourself you will stick to it for three weeks and see how it is then, and so on. (At 3 weeks, I told myself I would go to 6 and by then it was going much better. By 3 months I felt like a pro.) Babies change so much so very quickly--at six weeks things will be totally unlike they were at 1 week. Same for nursing--as you learn and baby learns how to get it working best for you it gets better and better. And connecting with other nursing moms makes a huge difference. It's the isolation--going it alone and not reaching out for help that makes a challenge like this hard to bear.

[UhOhWhatNow]

My boobs blistered. For about 2 days, at the one week mark, I wanted to die. I cried when he was hungry.

I stuck to it. It was hideous. Two days later, I got a red hot patch- doh! Plugged duct. Massage, hot shower- cured in a day.

Well, he is 3 weeks old now, and I LOVE breast feeding. It doesn't hurt AT ALL.... it's beautiful. So there's a happy story : I am feeding my son as I type this

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by AutumnAir

Yes.

By touting BF as 'easy' all you do is set up the majority of women who will experience *some* difficulty, especially in the beginning, as failures, simply because they're having a hard time doing something that should be easy. And those who do succeed despite the problems don't feel that they should be proud of themselves, because it's supposed to be easy.

Having BFing being perceived as 'easy' also takes away from the very crucial support that a mama needs to help establish BFing, and undermines the worth placed on Bfing by society at large.

Also, as others have mentioned, being prepared for difficulties is far better than being blind-sided by them and not knowing where to turn.

YEs yes yes. I felt so duped by the few breastfeeding books that I read that said that even if there were some problems all I had to do was "adjust the latch". They made it sound soooo easy. It's natural, blah blah blah. So when I hit major difficulties, I felt like an utter failure. I was so not expecting it. I really really persevered but I can see how someone would think "wow, most people can do this, but my body just does not work, I have to quit for the sake of my baby and my sanity".

I ultimately succeeded with no supplementation, so, great. BUt my sister was one of the rare cases of true primary lactation insufficiency (i think it's called?) and now more than 2 1/2 years later, she is still traumatized by it all. I believe that the messages out there that it's terrible to supplement and that EVERYONE can breastfeed are what has left her feeling like a failure, still.

[Kappa]

I had the usual scabs, and it hurt right up to about 5-6 weeks. I specifically remember going to a friend's house when we both had newborns and telling her it suddenly stopped hurting the day before, so don't worry if she still had pain. I guess it never totally occurred to me that quitting was an option, but for those that have quitting and moving on to formula as something they WILL do eventually, it makes it much easier to make that move earlier. I wasn't sleep deprived, baby and I laid in bed nursing until 10 every morning, and I'm some one who drifts in and out of sleep easily, unlike others who take hours to get back to sleep, so I was definitely just lucky in that respect. My mom would show up around noon and clean my house, that kind of support is actually really necessary. I will be providing the same daily service if/when my sibs have their babies if they want it. I always intended to breastfeed for at least a year, despite having other mothers laugh (yes, LAUGH) at the idea. My temperament is generally patient though, and some Mom's are anxious to get back to their previous "lifestyle" and are in denial that a baby could interfere with work, social life, hobbies, etc.

[UhOhWhatNow]

I have been home alone with the baby since he was 10 or 11 days old- and I do night duty alone, too (why should DH be woken? He has to work and he doesn't have breasts... I am fine with the arrangement). No one cleans my house but me (and I have cleaned hard core every day, to make up for the lack of cleaning I did in late pregnancy). This mom stuff is full time, hard work! And breast feeding is draining in ways- but it also gives me down time/me time, believe it or not. I can sit, guilt free, online for 45 minutes every 2 hours... while he nurses. Or I can watch a TV show, or enjoy a nice meal, or cuddle up with my dog, or read a magazine or book... all things I can do while breast feeding. So, yeah, it's hard... but it can get better. I am anxious to get back to fostering dogs, training my dogs, and going to college for my masters... but at the same time, I vow not to wish away this precious time... So... my words to new moms would be, yes it is hard! You are not a failure if you can't do it or if it gets so hard you think of quitting. But, it can and probably will get easier... we should strike a balance between warning of the potential hardships and encouraging with positive stories too.