who has ways to keep down stress ... I'm a worrywart.

[homestyle]

Is anyone else totally worried about potential miscarriage? I'm totally stressing about this. I check myself in the bathroom way too many times a day. Each time total sigh of relief. I know stress is really counter productive .... but I want this so much, and this is the first positive test after +13 cycles of trying.

I'm feeling like if I don't let go of worry now it is going to get worse as this becomes more real. Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance.

[Brisen]

I think the best way to keep down the worrying is to replace it with something else. Choose something positive to focus on instead. I crocheted baby blankets. It gave me something to focus on and helped me feel like I was optimistic about the outcome.

[thelocaldialect]

I think in the end you just have to resign yourself in a way, because at this early stage if a miscarriage were to happen there's nothing you could do about it. Take care of yourself and make sure you get enough sleep, are eating healthy, staying hydrated, and staying relatively stress-free and you'll already be doing everything you can for your baby at this point.

It might help to break the pregnancy up into milestones. There are certain points where the risk of miscarriage drops -- once a heartbeat is established, once you hit the second trimester, and then finally, around 24 weeks you become officially "viable" which is a big relief. If you break it down into smaller steps, it doesn't seem so daunting.

One thing I would avoid is having a really early ultrasound (before 7 or 8 weeks), if you can at all help it, because I know so many women who were convinced they were miscarrying due to an ultrasound that was just done too early. I'd also try to stay away from google, because it is too easy to freak yourself out looking up stuff on the internet.

I've had 2 miscarriages and they were heartbreaking each time, but there was nothing I could have done about either of them. I think with my son I obsessed a bit -- every ultrasound I was bracing myself for bad news, I'd constantly be poking him to get him moving, stuff like that. In retrospect, I wish I'd just relaxed and tried to enjoy things more.

[MamaZoZo]

I touch my boobs ten times a day to make sure they're still sore. I understand why you worry. I have decided to enjoy the slightly puky feeling all the time and the sore boobs.. reminds me that I'm still pregnant. That, and I am doing a little bit of planning... when I can safely tell people, when I can start buying baby stuff... when I got on mat leave
I know I can't stop nature, so I am hoping nature is in my corner this time.

[htcamommy]

Originally Posted by thelocaldialect

It might help to break the pregnancy up into milestones. There are certain points where the risk of miscarriage drops -- once a heartbeat is established, once you hit the second trimester, and then finally, around 24 weeks you become officially "viable" which is a big relief. If you break it down into smaller steps, it doesn't seem so daunting.

9 weeks chances go down ALOT
12 weeks okay its going to stick (don't google this seriously!!)
20 weeks you can feel the baby kick so you know its still in there
24 weeks you've got a live one NO MATTER WHAT (again don't google)
30 weeks you are HOME FREE
35 weeks GET OUT!!!!
I have had 2 miscarriages and 2 healthy pregnancies since that time. Well #2 was very frightening because of alot of spotting in the first trimester but he's here and he's fine. Stop beating yourself up. So you are worried because (and I know this is gross) you are discharging like a crazy woman and you run into the bathroom every 10 seconds to make sure it isn't blood right? Then you beat yourself up over the fact that the stress you are putting yourself under is going to cause you to miscarry.
Ok, here's the deal. We're all running to the bathroom every 10 seconds to check. The ones in here who have done this before just have figured out that its okay to be freaked out and we don't freak out over being freaked out kwim?

[MyLittleWarrior]

Originally Posted by htcamommy

The ones in here who have done this before just have figured out that its okay to be freaked out and we don't freak out over being freaked out kwim?

This is so true.

[homestyle]

There are so many words of wisdom here ... seriously, thank you. It is comforting to know I'm not the only one in this spot, and to hear the different approaches to getting through the early days of pregnancy. I'll be thinking about this advice and checking in again later.

[ursusarctos]

When I start to get obsessive, fearful thoughts (I am really early still, like 4 weeks) I start repeating to myself "God, I am in your hands". Don't know if you're religious or not. I am not religious nor do I have a religion, but I do believe in God and this helps me so much to release the need to control what happens.

[jilly]

I agree with all of the pp, and I also always try to hold onto the baby lightly in the first trimester. By this I mean that I don't really tell anyone, I don't try to plan too much or do too much related to the baby, and I don't do a lot of research about it online or start thinking of names or anything. I just focus on taking care of myself and getting through the day, with a little extra smile on my face knowing that something exciting is brewing. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but I am very emotionally intense, so I often have to purposely cultivate detachment to keep myself sane. Once I"m through the first 12 weeks, then I start to get excited.

[Sleepyheaded_Mama]

Having historically already survived two of the few more horrific outcomes pregnancy has to offer, I tend to panic easily. For me, this time, I have just made a conscious decision to not get attached to outcomes this early. As long as I am doing everything possible to be well and healthy, then I am doing ALL I CAN, and that's all there is to it. I am very much with ursusarctos, though it is a struggle for my control-freak nature, I have just resigned myself to the fact that the rest is in God's hands. I have to remind myself of this over and over and over again, but it does seem to help. We're all in this together kiddo.

[homestyle]

it is really amazing that some of you are able to remain only lightly attached to the idea of a new baby in these early days. this is such a lesson in learning how to remain in the 'here' instead of in the 'what if.' i really have some work to do in that department right now. i've really let my yoga practice slide in a big way --- and that's too bad, because i'm increasingly feeling like it is just the thing.

good wishes to all of you ...

[Sleepyheaded_Mama]

Originally Posted by homestyle

it is really amazing that some of you are able to remain only lightly attached to the idea of a new baby in these early days.

Life had to kick the c**p out of me before I could get to this point, lol. Believe me, I railed against the notion of not being able to control everything for years. Eventually, beaten and on my a** in the dirt, I had to look up and say "Okay, I'll try it your way God"...and you know what, it was a relief. But it is still not second nature, lol.

[kcparker]

Maybe it's time to sign yourself up for a new round of yoga classes. The yoga will at least help with your stress level. It is true that there is NOTHING you can do to make the pregnancy stick or go away at this point. It's kind of like early labor; the best thing to do right now is ignore the pregnancy and go about your business.

If it makes you feel better, you can also try meditating on/talking with the spirit of the baby (I know, very hippy woo-woo, but it could provide reassurance). It might give you insight or a sense of peace.

Originally Posted by homestyle

it is really amazing that some of you are able to remain only lightly attached to the idea of a new baby in these early days. this is such a lesson in learning how to remain in the 'here' instead of in the 'what if.' i really have some work to do in that department right now. i've really let my yoga practice slide in a big way --- and that's too bad, because i'm increasingly feeling like it is just the thing.

good wishes to all of you ...