GD for a one year old, revisited - Page 2

[OhMel]

Yes, he'll take a sippy cup. It has the valve on it, but when he's banging the spout into the floor it doesn't really help.: I hadn't thought about varying the routine to help with issues -- I've been trying to establish MoRE of a routine. I'll have to experiment.

Oh, and we sign too. And thank goodness b/c he doesn't say many words. I think he would be a super frustrated little boy if we didn't have those signs. Thank goodness for that!

Thanks for the ideas!

[nancy926]

I love this thread!

DD is fairly laid back most of the time, but she has her favorite things to do...one of them is dump water on the floor (from the cat's water dish, a cup with a tiny bit of water in it that we sometimes let her have, etc.). We go get a towel, clean it up, and then ask for her help (we made up a sign for "help" because the ASL sign is too complicated for a 1-year-old). She also loves to "help' with the laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, putting things in the trash, putting silverware away....

now it's true, some of our silverware is not so clean (she likes to put spoons in her mouth before putting them away) and it may take awhile to fold all of the laundry. (She also "helped" empty her little potty into our potty yesterday before I could stop her...so we have to wash the bathroom rug!) But DD loves helping and it seems to minimize the differences of opinion about what should be played with and what shouldn't be.

We are also trying, instead of saying "no" (we too have dogs, so it's the natural response), to say what we want to happen instead. So instead of "no, don't dump the cat food" we say "the kitty's food needs to stay in the dish. Can you help put the food in the dish?" We still say "no" quite a bit but we're catching ourselves.

[mady]

I have been avoiding the word 'no' also, and using it only in times of true danger, but I'm wondering now--What is so wrong with it? It seems that in order to communicate in a developmentally appropriate manner, we need to keep things simple. Isn't, "No, the toilet water is dirty. Play with the water in the sink instead' simpler than, "mommy doesn't like it when you touch the toilet water. Why don't you try....."
I hope I don't offend anyone with this question. I mean it with the greatest respect. I just want my decisions on what I say to be genuine--not just semantics. I would appreciate any of your insights.

[Mona]

what bothers me about the word "no" is that often it is used w/o any other explaination. It is a catch all word that is over used, when an explaination that is not so restrictive sounding could be used. how many of us like to be told no, over and over again? we don't. but if something is explained to us, it is much more paltable.
also, i have seen some kids learn no as their first word, that is how often they hear it. they often do the behavior as they are saying no. so the word, while said repeatedly, does not have much meaning, bc a young child simply does not want to be limited, and more importantly shouldn't be limited.
i hope that makes sense. it's early.

[famousmockngbrd]

My mom does this - she'll simply tell Cole "no" and pull him (gently) away when he's doing something like dumping cat food, etc. I would rather she specifically tell Cole what she wants him to do - I feel like just "no" isn't enough. We try to say things like "Cole, stop dumping out the cat food, please," or "Don't touch - hot!" etc. That way he knows exactly what we are talking about. Also, sometimes we reword it in a positive way, so instead of saying "Don't do this" or "stop doing that", we are saying "Leave the cat food in the bowl, please" or "Gentle touch, like this" etc.

ETA - OK, I see that my reply doesn't really answer your question, lol. The reason I try to limit my use of the word "no" even when it prefaces an explaination is because I feel like it sets up a negative dynamic for the whole interaction. Also it forces me to be more creative in how I direct him, instead of just "no no no". It is semantics in a sense, but I think how you say things *is* important. I feel like I can't foster an atmosphere of cooperation if I am going around saying "no" all the time.

[mady]

Thank you.

Your explanation makes sense. Thanks!

[cinnamonamon]

Wow! This started out a terrible day, but it has gotten better & better! I'm so happy I found this thread. My ds is 12 mths this Saturday, and I have been struggling with boundries for a bit now. I'm soo glad to see that I'm not alone.

Not a lot to add right now, but I'll be back, I'm sure!