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[yukookoo]

d

Edited by yukookoo - 6/26/11 at 5:30am

[limabean]

DH takes 15-20 minutes to go to the bathroom, change his clothes, and check hockey scores or whatever on the computer and then he completely takes over kid duty for the evening -- playing, reading, baths, bedtime, everything! So I can't complain one bit.

Yeah he's getting downtime in the car (I love driving alone too, so I know what you mean there -- it's blissful!), but on days when I have work meetings (I WAH and have in-person meetings once a month), I'm dying to get home, go to the bathroom in the privacy of my own home, and get my work clothes off in a way that I don't feel on days when I'm home with the kids all day.

Yes, I'm sometimes itching to be "off duty" when DH walks in the door, but I know that if I just keep it together for 20 more minutes I can relax with a book, go chill out in a cafe, take a walk, or whatever I want to do, so for me that's a great trade-off.

[Vancouver Mommy]

I don't think my dp expects any downtime. When he walks through the door I'm usually in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready while being yelled at by a 3yo and climbed by a 2yo.

[Limabean1975]

Yeaaaaah, he gets to change his pants, if he's lucky. I try to entice DS to accompany him to the bedroom and "help him choose pants"!

But really, even if he's tired, he's thrilled to see his little guy, so he's happy with it. I do feel bad the days I have not attempted to start dinner and he cooks it, but it works out for us.

[alegna]

Zero. Dd pounces him the moment she hears his key in the door (except of course when she sees his car and runs out to meet him) And once ds sees him he demands Daddy.

-Angela

[Lisa1970]

None. I feel he had a great break with lunch with the guys at work and listening to sports radio all the way home. I am the one watching the clock and wanting him to walk in that door. He already had his.

[sbgrace]

It would be really difficult for my husband to get "down time" when he walks in the door. My boys are soooo excited to see him when he comes home and race to the door. He does change his clothes, washes up, and eats. But they are with him while he eats talking and often snacking themselves. He's happy to see them too.

We did try something for a while where he was going to spend an extra 30 minutes at work at the end of the day for his own time/to decompress. He stopped that on his own so I guess it wasn't working for him. But most of the time he has a less than five minute commute.

In your case with the long commute, limited time, and no nights I think I'd be pretty irritated if he was expecting some kind of decompression time/me time. But if you're talking about his taking time to change clothes, have a snack, wash up that doesn't seem unreasonable though I'd wonder why your daughter can't be with him for some of that. How old is she?

[To-Fu]

None. He has occasionally made comments about not getting down time between jobs (work and parenting), but he's really excited to see our son when he gets home.

I'm not sure what I would say if he asked for down time. Probably I would laugh or say no. Largely this is b/c there are usually about 45 mins. between his arrival and the initiation of the bedtime routine. Those are the only minutes they get together every day, and it's not much. Giving it up doesn't make sense. He gets down time after he's done giving the baby a bath and I put him to bed (at least a half hour, sometimes as much as an hour and a half). Then he sleeps in a separate room where he gets to sleep through the night and doesn't hear so much as a peep from us.

[Maluhia]

zero.

He has his commute to decompress.

Why would I imply to Maya that she is something he needs to "prepare" for or "rest before" when she wants to be with him? What. ever.

She wants to see him and be with him because she loves him and has missed him - when he's home it's DADDY TIME.

[kmb9906]

DH gets no down time. Sometimes I feel bad about that, but he doesn't bring it up. I do try to give him time to change clothes, use the bathroom, and take out his contacts. But, when DD hears his key in the door, she starts crawling toward the door ... she can't wait for daddy time! From the time he gets home to the time dinner is ready, that is DD/Daddy time. DD "tells" him about her day (she's 11mo.), and they play together. He seems to always enjoy that time, so if it ain't broke ...

[guest9921]

Zip.
His out-of-the-house time is his downtime.
He's allright with such arrangement.

[1ColoradoMomma]

DH tries to sneak upstairs and change out of his uniform before he is fully on duty. He leaves for days at a time, so both he and the kids are glad to get back together!

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by KailuaMamatoMaya

zero.

He has his commute to decompress.

Why would I imply to Maya that she is something he needs to "prepare" for or "rest before" when she wants to be with him? What. ever.

She wants to see him and be with him because she loves him and has missed him - when he's home it's DADDY TIME.

Pretty much this.

[major_mama11]

DH will take maybe 30 min to shower and change clothes if he got dirty at work that day. If he was in the office all day, then all he takes is a 5 min potty break, and then he's on duty all evening.

[Dizzie]

We pounce on DH as soon as he walks in through that door. The poor man doesn't even get privacy in the toilet - but then again neither do l all day. Privacy and down-time are two foreign words in this household!

[hotmamacita]

What is down time?

:

[annettemarie]

None.

Sometimes, if I need downtime, I wait until the kids are done attacking him and then we sit on the sofa and talk and I ask the kids to stay down for a few minutes (except the baby).

But he usually changes and stuff after everyone is done snuggling him.

[ani'smommy]

No, no downtime here either. He has a 25 minute commute for downtime. We usually eat as soon as he gets him (if I'm not at work) then he plays with the kids while I clean up, and then usually puts them in the tub and plays with the kids. Then I get downtime

I do all the night time parenting until night-weaning, though, around age 2. I usually sleep with DS and DH sometimes sleeps with DD and sometimes on the couch. It's not ideal, but we're moving in a few months, so then we'll have another bedroom. He has a very very hard time dealing with little or interrupted sleep.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by yukookoo

Just curious.

Dh commutes, so his drive is about 45 min. I know many aren't going to see things my way but to me thats a long break. He's on the phone, listening ot the radio etc. i REALLY look forward to drives in the car, that's MY break. I get to listen to npr or music or whatever while DD is strapped to something not running around making a mess or getting into trouble. Ok i went off a bit there haha

Dh is really good about taking her when he gets home.

I just really dont buy that the ooh worker needs to get home and immediately get down time, while for some reason the sah does not. I would love to take my "work clothes" off and get in my pj's wash my face, eat etc. It's not like i can do those things during the day.

Dh takes about 30 minutes or so on average. It's not bad and then he takes dd and gives me an hour. He puts dd to sleep then he gets the rest of the night including a full nights sleep. I sleep with dd in a different room - he doesnt even hear her cry or wake up at night.

I agree with you. In our home, sometimes DH has to step in when he comes in the door, because I cannot get dinner finished if two of the kids are fighting, or some other thing is going on. So, he wants to eat, he has to deal with other things. No biggie here.

We have a 10 yr old child who has Autism, a 4 yr old who is neurotypical, and an 11 yr old who is undergoing testing for Aspergers. So, by the time DH comes home, I am worn out. So we pitch in, get things done, and then we get to relax after they are in bed.

[OkiMom]

Downtime? Whats that?
He gets the 20 minute drive home listening to music. He also gets a lot of alone time in his office that doesn't include work (he works alot but there are 20-40 minute stretches at least once a day then 1 1/2 hour lunch that he isn't working). I don't get any downtime, especially now that the girls won't take a nap at the same time. Either one or the other is awake from about 6am-11pm every day..

Although, if he gets really dirty at work I make he shower before touching us.