Feeling like I'm at such a loss.... - Page 2

[Mandynee22]

Originally Posted by eepster

Let the subject drop for now. Simply refuse to sign the consent at the hospital and don't let the baby go anywhere near a Drs office without you. (If you are having a hospital birth, be prepared for pressure to circ from them as well.).

Bolding mine...
Be prepared, but don't be shocked if they don't encourage it. Talk to your OB/midwife without DH around. You might be pleasantly surprised. My OB was all about not circing and the other OB in the practice told me straight out that he was glad I wasn't doing it because he hates them. The one who delivered Andrew also said he was glad I wasn't doing it, that they're totally unnecessary, that they require no care other than some water in the bathtub... he said this right in front of my friend who circed both her boys and tried to talk me into circing Andrew because it's "gross" not to. I almost LOLed when the OB was talking but I didn't. One or two nurses even expressed their own opinions (positive).
I do *not* live in a weirdly low circ rate area, either.
So anyway, see if your Dr/MW feels the same as you. Maybe DH can go to an appointment that it is *casually* mentioned in a way that helps your side.

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by PinkinPA

I read this book back when I was pg with ds who is now 7. I think it was called "40 reasons not to circ." Well, anyway, it had this statistic that refuted the cancer arguement for circing. It stated that the breast cancer rate was some huge percent higher than penile cancer, so with this logic, women should be lining up to lop off their boobs "just incase". Shut my DH up real quick.

Yep, and men too, because more men get breast cancer than penile cancer.

[Treece]

I wanted to add that what has been said about grief and denial is probably right on. Before you drop the whole subject, and if you haven't already, say something to the effect, "Honey, I love you just the way you are. I am so sorry that what happened to you as a baby happened. Your mom may not have even been given a choice as circ was once done without parental consent. Please, understand that I really do love you and it breaks my heart that this happened to you. I won't let the same thing happen to our son."

That's to the effect of what I said to my now bf before we really knew each other. (Of course without all the lovey stuff)

[Greg B]

You might want to keep a copy of this ready for when the subject comes up again. It is written by doctors, and includes references. It can set the "gold standard" for how he needs to argue his case.

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...yStatement.pdf

Best wishes and stay strong.

Regards

[hippiemommaof4]

stay strong... my other sons were circ'd but I left my son I just had in march intact. My dh still brings it up "I cant believe you didn't do it again? after what we went through before" (you can read my story here under a certain thread if you are interested lmk) I said nope not doing it sorry you cant talk me into it...he didnt put up much of a fight so it was all good. ((((hugs)))) good luck

[SleeplessMommy]

There is a "Non Circumcision notification form" you can sign and give to your health care providers.

http://www.noharmm.org/Noncircform.htm

[writteninkursive]

I would ask him how he'd feel if you took your daughter to be circumcised! Why discriminate against the boy just because he has a penis? Ugh. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope it doesn't cost you your marriage. I mean, it's NOT a big deal that your son will still have his foreskin! Is your DH self-conscious about his penis or something, that he thinks his son will have problems if he's uncirced?
Stay strong indeed. You have until September to either convince him or gain the strength. I'm saving up my strength until August when our baby boy arrives and the hospital tries to vaccinate him! That's MY big fight!

[Treece]

Originally Posted by writteninkursive

Stay strong indeed. You have until September to either convince him or gain the strength. I'm saving up my strength until August when our baby boy arrives and the hospital tries to vaccinate him! That's MY big fight!

This wasn't a fight for us with the hospital. But it was with the dr office.... I had much bigger fish to fry with the hospital. I did walk in the nursery when they were setting up for circs. I looked at the torturer, I mean "doctor", and said you had better not circ my son, I will sue.

[kparker]

I'm not expecting but I'm really glad my DH was easy to sway after we had our initial fight about circumcision. He flipped his lid when I brought up not wanting to do it to our future potential offspring, and I told him how I felt about it and left it alone. He came back a week later and said he'd talked to his dad and his best friend (who's dad is a doctor) and said he was sorry that he was angry about it, and that we didn't have to do it to our boys.

He said that the only reason his granddad did it to his dad and the only reason his dad did it to him was because that's what the "thing" was to do in that time, and his dad told him that really it's not a good idea and today's studies know better. I think I got off lightly in the circ argument :

I hope your DH comes around eventually. I know how terrible I felt when I first thought that I'd be stuck fighting with mine about it. I would never let my sons be cut, and my DH was SO pro-circ when I first brought it up, I was terrified about what that meant for the future. I can sympathize

[anabellee]

dh and I went through the same thing w/ds2. I just couldn't handle it again after ds1 was circ'd. I beat myself up for months over it and refused to have it done to ds2 or this new babe and we fought like mad to the point that I was literally ill over the issue. that's when he finally gave in because he was worried about my being sick hurting the baby.

[LisaSedai]

Hang in there ZoeJane.

I was curious about the Penn & Teller clip- I had never seen it. I couldn't find it on YouTube but it was on this site

http://www.blinkx.com/video/penn-tel...m-p3uybXES_rEg

I think it's episode 1 from season 3 (2005).

[VeezieTG]

lots of myzoejane... its an unfortunate statistic that sometimes separate parenting styles threaten a marriage. that was the case for my ex-husband and i, but not in the case of circumcision.

lots of love vibes sent your way and your dh's hoping that you both come to a decision out of love and knowledge, and not just conformity.

i met my bf (father of ds2) when my ds1 was 15mos old. ds1 wasn't circ'd and i was alrdy quite the intacivist. b4 bf and i even conceived ds2 i told him all the reason i didn't circ julien. so when i got pregnant i was surprised at him asking what i wanted to do if we had a boy. i thought it was clear. he didn't seem to think so since my ex-dh was intact and my bf was not. doesn't it matter what the father looks like?, he asked me. well, no. i wouldn't circ my son to "look like dad" any more than i'd ask the ped to perform a nose job if he didn't get your nose. finally, we watched youtube videos that just showed full circs. it was painful and emotional for us both. we both sat there crying and feeling bad for the babies. and then my bf said, absolutely not. and has been team intactivism ever since.

men surprise us sometimes. sometimes they are all for or all against something that we'd never even thought about. but more times than not, they come around, i think. they don't want their children to hurt. and they (as a pp said) want to know that our decision to leave our sons intact doesn't mean we think any less of their circ penises. good luck, mama.