Floored

[ChampagneBlossom]

Today I had my first ever bad babywearing experience.

I was putting DD on my back in the MT. She is 14 months but looks quite a bit younger because she's a little tiny thing. It was very cold and windy so we ran into the store so I could put her on in peace without freezing our butts off. DH and DS were there as well, and they were walking ahead while I put DD on. It was a furniture store so I put her on a couch while I got the MT ready, whatever, I put her on, all's good.

EXCEPT as I'm still bent over, adjusting the straps to straighten up, I feel DD being GRABBED off my back, while an angry woman's voice is telling me (not asking) "do you need some help!" I am just floored, and respond equally angrily that no, we do this many times every day and we've got it, thanks. She glares at me and stomps off, with her own kiddo (maybe about 5 years old) and I hear her muttering. I get DD on 3 seconds later and we take off after DH.

I am super non confrontational but I was PISSED.

I've never had any negative comments before with either DS or DD, except for the "can they breathe in there???" comments when the kids were tiny and in a Moby. But NOTHING like this. And she GRABBED DD! Who GRABS a baby? I mean OK, I'm assuming her intentions were, "OMG let me save that baby before her wacko mother throws her to the ground." But we're well practiced in it and DD is used to the routine and yada yada.

DH wasn't there to see it, I'm sure he would have said something to ease the tension (he's good at that) but after I fumed about it for a bit he asked me if I wanted him to find and say something to the lady, but of course I said no, because her intentions were probably good and I hate confrontation and whatever.

But I dunno. What could I have done better in that situation? Am I totally over-reacting? I rarely get angry but today just struck a nerve.

[Jesskathand]

you're not overreacting. someone grabbed your baby!

I'd be livid too!

[earthgirl]

Oh my! I'm impressed by your level of restraint. I'm pretty non-confrontational, but that may have sent me over the edge. That's really awful.

[evermore82]

I would have been steamed and shocked, too! Really! I mean, when do you grab some stranger's baby?! And yell at the parent in the process? She had no right to interfere without asking first! I would have responded the same way you did!

It's silly, and we've all had similar experiences, though nothing quite as galling as what that woman had the nerve to do. You are the mother of your child, and you know what you are doing! She should have respected you by ASKING rather than shouting and taking immediate action, as she did!

I suppose to mainstreamers, it is somewhat common to see a parent babywearing in a Bijorn or snuggli or even a sling, but extremely rare to see babywearing in a wrap or MT on someone's back. And getting your LO on your back can look like a daring acrobatic act to the untrained eye, even though it's routine to you and me.

Though you can look at it from her point of view. She has never seen a baby worn on a mother's back before (sheltered as she is), let alone seen one getting in position before. You were obviously struggling to completely and unknowingly endanger your baby by throwing her on your back and wandering, hunched over, around the super-department store. Baby would have, of course, rolled right off your amature back and landed on the floor, so this woman thought she had to save your baby from you, right?

I still think she was out of line and you have every right to be upset.

[Materfamilias]

oooo. i'd be SO annoyed.

[countrygirl28]

I probably would have handled the situation much like you did because I don't really like confrontation either. So, I don't really have any words of advice about how you could have handled it differently. But, I know I would be LIVID!!! She grabbed your child? Not cool!

[MoonStarFalling]

Um if anyone ever touched my child or wrap while I was trying to get them on I'd be pissed. I've had someone try to help me by grabbing my wrap tails and I just tell them to stop don't touch anything you could cause me to drop the baby. I think I would have given this woman an ear full about 1. don't ever touch someone's child and 2. she could have caused an accident.

[lifeguard]

I would say absolutely NONE of the women I know have ever seen someone put a baby on their back using anything other than a backpack carrier. It was probably surprising to her & she reacted without thinking. I think by reacting calmly & simply saying "It's ok - we've got it. Thank you" would help her to realize that the situation is not the "emergency" she thought she was seeing.

[ohmmama]

Oh mama! I am not a confrontational person either but I might have had some feathers flying!!!! GRRRRR! I haven't had very many bad experiences. I just put her on by the car instead becauuse I don't care to defend my parenting decisions ya know?