What should I say (without sounding judgmental)?

[MittensKittens]

I know this woman who is about 10 weeks pregnant with her second child at the moment. Her first just had her first birthday. She tried to BF her baby, but it went horribly wrong. Here in Serbia, outdated US medical routines are still common. Like most others, this mom was given her baby to feed for ten minutes every four hours. "Of course", this baby was "topped up" by formula. Mom was then told she had no milk. She went back to work two months after the birth, which she is planning to do again this time. I asked her about how she would nurse, and she said she wouldn't even try because she is not going to have milk anyway . I told her she could try pumping, if she really had to go back to work that early. Her reply was "the baby won't want breastmilk once she tastes formula any way, formula tastes nicer". I am so sorry she got this mom got so cheated by the hospital system, but I am not sure what I can say without sounding judgmental. I tried explaining that she probably did have milk, and why, but she looked as though I were crazy. She is a dentist, so pretty educated. I just feel sorry for these babies . Any thoughts on what I can say?

[PatioGardener]

I like the 'new research shows" tactic. New research shows that old fashioned feeding methods decreased women's milk supply! No wonder you had troubles with the first baby. We now know that if baby is fed each time she looks hungry, mama's milk supply increases! Even the first 2 months of breastfeeding are so important to the health of the baby. Why not start with breastfeeding? Formula can always be added later if necessary. I can help...

Plant a seed and see what happens.

[MittensKittens]

Thanks for your reply. Sadly, this mom has now firmly made up her mind to not even try to breastfeed

[marrymeflyfree]

I'd encourage her to taste-test the formula against her BM. It's like comparing margarine to fresh high-fat butter. Or aspartame vs. honey. Nothing invented in a lab and made in a factory will ever be as good as the real thing. ;-)

[philomom]

Has she ever tasted the formula? I'm surprised babies even recognize it as food. And the smell... nasty!

[Dahlea]

That's too bad, since formula tastes like crap. I figured I would drink the free samples, for the nutrition, but it made me and my husband gag!

[Heavenly]

Honestly, if she has already made her decision I think you should just leave it alone. It really isn't your business. We can't make people live the way we want them to. We can try and give them information but ultimately it is their life.

[proudmomof4]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Honestly, if she has already made her decision I think you should just leave it alone. It really isn't your business. We can't make people live the way we want them to. We can try and give them information but ultimately it is their life.

I pretty much agree. If she as a dentist didn't jump on the "new research" wagon there is probably not a whole lot you can do. From what I understand you offered some (written?) information - the rest is up to her.

[MittensKittens]

Yeah, I am gonna leave her alone now . Might tell her to taste formula vs breastmilk. But her main reasoning is that "she didn't have milk last time, so she won't now, either".

[ramama]

This doesn't seem to be an issue of education, or ignorance, or whatever. Seems to me that she doesn't want to breastfeed and is making excuses. I think that you're doing the right thing by letting her be.

[melanie_rabbitbarn]

I have a friend who had serious supply issues with her first--was on medication for a year to even produce enough milk. Now with her second, she produces so much that she HAS to pump once a day and her freezer is so full she has to give the milk away! Just because it went badly the first time doesn't mean it will the second.

[julie128]

Originally Posted by philomom

Has she ever tasted the formula? I'm surprised babies even recognize it as food. And the smell... nasty!

Young babies do not know how to spit things out. You could give them salt water or quinine, and they would swallow it.

If she reads English, I recommend this book. It talks a lot about how the medical system can interfere with normal breastfeeding, and how individuals can combat the situation. I highly recommend it.