Oprah today on Motherhood - Page 4

[Amys1st]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

*sigh*
When I take my two into a store, I sometimes get that. OTOH, I frequently get them raiding the bulk food containers, or trying to take things off the shelves...which really doesn't make the hassle of dealing with carseats feel worth it.

I totally get what you mean about not doing things because they're a hassle, and then feeling as if you can't, though. I have a relative who once asked me, when I dropped in unexpectedly, to stay with her son while she ran about 5 bags of garbage out to dumpster (down one flight of stairs, and one short hallway to the back of the building). I guess my face showed that I was kind of stunned that so much garbage had piled up, and she said, "I can't take it out when it's just me and ds - I need someone to help". But...her ds was only 15 months old, and she was fully capable of carrying him in one arm, and the garbage in the other. She had honestly convinced herself that she couldn't...to the point that she was living with multiple garbage bags.

As someone who has had a very busy 15 mo old, I would have done the same thing she did. Its almost impossible to carry a 15 mo old with one hand and haul something with the other. Many body parts have been hurt or pulled or strained because I have engaged in such behavior.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Amys1st

As someone who has had a very busy 15 mo old, I would have done the same thing she did. Its almost impossible to carry a 15 mo old with one hand and haul something with the other. Many body parts have been hurt or pulled or strained because I have engaged in such behavior.

Trust me, she was fully physically capable of doing it. If she was frustrated about something, she'd go around doing a hundred different things with him tucked under her arm. And, "hauling" wasn't really an issue - we're talking about a single plastic shopping bag full of household garbage. In a pinch, she could have wrapped both arms around him, and hung the bag off one hand...even one finger, in most cases. She simply didn't think she could, because it was a hassle...and her belief that she couldn't became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[onlygirls]

...why do these people have children, and then why do they have more than one after they realize that they are not willing to sign on for the whole mom thing?

To be 100% honest here: birth control failure. I love my little one, but I was stressed to the max with two and was done. I had an IUD at the time and once we found out I was pregnant, DH got a vasectomy.

Quite often I feel like I have no identity. I want to go back to school but we can't afford it right now. We have two kids that are not in school yet. My DH tells me that he will do whatever it takes to make me happy. I can go back to school if I want to. Nevermind. I don't want more deadlines or responsibility. I want something for me. I don't want a massage or a pedicure. As soon as I am home, the kids drive me nuts. This is the merry-go-round in my head. Some people are just not fulfilled and perfectly happy being a mom. Why is it that I know so many mothers on anti-depressants?

[griffin2004]

Originally Posted by sparkly

What I can't accept is that there are people in charge of growing human beings who consciously choose to not make the best decision for them time and time again, and then have another kid.

Your definition of "best decision" may differ from theirs.

Even for the woman herself sometimes, it can be hard to discern the reason(s) a woman has a child and/or subsequent children. Is there only one "correct" reason to have a child? Is there only one "correct" way to mother a child? Is there only one "correct" way to feel about being a mother and you must feel that way 100% of the time?

[burke-a-bee]

Originally Posted by Imogen

I think that Heather Armstrong is aware of the reaction to her comments about vaxing and has posted a response to it all today... It's actually very interesting.

her post can be found here/

Peace

Yes but still disappointing.

[zoebird]

i think a lot of it also has to do with what i call "pile up."

without consistent opportunities for rejuvenation, the stress just piles up until it floods into the places where we actually are happy.

my husband experienced this with his writing. he loves to write and work on screenplays, but when he's under a lot of stress, it floods that space.

but, it's very, very difficult for women and families to find time and space to rejuvenate.

[Hazelnut]

it's easy to get overwhelmed by the multiple "garbage bags" in your life when you have kids. I've turned doing my toddler's baby album into a mountian. Am I lazy, a procrastinator? Not really. Majorly overwhemed, often with more pressing things to do? yes.

[Amys1st]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

Trust me, she was fully physically capable of doing it. If she was frustrated about something, she'd go around doing a hundred different things with him tucked under her arm. And, "hauling" wasn't really an issue - we're talking about a single plastic shopping bag full of household garbage. In a pinch, she could have wrapped both arms around him, and hung the bag off one hand...even one finger, in most cases. She simply didn't think she could, because it was a hassle...and her belief that she couldn't became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

LOL, I have carried dd2 down steep stairs at that age w laundry etc. I had visions of huge huge garbage bags etc, down rickety steps, onto the dumpster area...that I would not like. But a kitchen bag of garbage, no sweat and I can have both kids with me.

[Hazelnut]

she needs an ergo I'd say.

[Storm Bride]

That kid's a teenager now, so I don't think an Ergo would work.
(Actually, He takes out the garbage, now that I think about it.)

I wasn't trying to criticize her (although I will admit that her parenting gets on my nerves sometimes). I just remembered it all so clearly when another poster was talking about how "it's hard" becomes "I can't" - or words to that effect.

[chanibell]

"If my husband EVER said to me that spending time w/ his child or doing something around the house was cutting into his "me time," I would ask him if he lost his d*mn fool mind. Parenting is a partnership. So is taking care of a house. End of story."

Yeah what dogretro said!

[2bluefish]

Originally Posted by onlygirls

Why is it that I know so many mothers on anti-depressants?

I suspect cause it's easier for society to drug its mothers than to offer them any real support.