I have a kind of a weird situation. My husband sleeps naked and always has. We've been cosleeping ever since my daughter was born, she's 18 mos. now. She always cuddled with me at night until our son was born just three months ago. Now she comes over to me to nurse at night, then crawls back over to Dad and cuddles with him. A few weeks ago I told my husband I didn't feel comfortable with him sleeping naked with our daughter. Not because of anything inappropriate, but because I didn't want her to have confused emotions about her relationship with her dad, or for her to be told later in life that sleeping with her naked dad was inappropriate. He disagreed with me and we pretty much dropped it. Often when my husband and I are cuddling and we haven't been intimate for a while, he will "poke" me and he has told me this is completely reflexive and he doesn't do it on purpose. Last night when he was cuddling our daughter, I saw his penis moving under the blanket in that manner. He was completely asleep, I watched him and listened to his breathing and I am 100% sure that he was dead asleep. Well, I felt sick to my stomach seeing this even though they were both asleep and unaware of it. Then he rolled over and my daughter's leg was actually touching his penis. At this point I got up and verified that this was what I saw and then picked my daughter up and had her cuddle with me on the opposite side from my son. I just felt really uncomfortable about the entire situation. I felt nauseous and had a really hard time falling back to sleep. This morning I told my husband what I saw and that I didn't want him cuddling our daughter while naked anymore. I told him he needed to wear underwear and pajama pants at least. I think he understood why I felt that it was inappropriate, even though I made it clear that I was not accusing him of anything and I know that he was asleep at the time. He still said he would not wear clothing to bed. He said I should make our daughter wear clothing rather than him (she was not naked, she was wearing a top and a diaper, but no pants. and i will be putting pants on her from now on). I told him that wasn't enough and that there needed to be more of a barrier between them. He said "oh give it up" or something like that, I think he was just really offended that I had said that. My husband is a very good man and I don't think he did anything wrong so I want to make that clear. But I am concerned that he isn't more concerned and more willing to make this situation ok for all of us. I said if he wouldn't wear clothes to bed, then I couldn't let my daughter cuddle with him at night. He said that was fine, he'd cuddle our son instead. I just feel really upset still. I am not sure if I overreacted or not. I am not saying he abused her at all, I just don't want her to be exposed to anything sexual or even that might be sexual at such a young age and have lingering issues over it, esp. not from her dad. They have a very good relationship. I don't want to come between them, and I also don't want to feel like I can't trust my husband, but I definitely am feeling a bit distant from him at the moment. I am wondering if I should just take both children and sleep in another bed. But I also don't want unnecessary friction in our relationship. I am just really confused and I need some advice and support. Anyone?
post #1 of 97
4/7/09 at 1:30pm