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I have a really bad feeling... UPDATE post 34...it was HORRIBLE! - Page 3

post #41 of 86
No way would I bring children to that house again. See them on neutral ground, allow them to visit you for a few hours but no more overnights or visiting at their house where things seem to get out of control very fast.
post #42 of 86
Wow that is incredible. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Read back over what you wrote - hopefully it will give you strength to just say NO to all of their madness. I think I probably would have just left at some point.
post #43 of 86
Don't go back. You all may need some counselling around this but seriously - just no. On the plus side, your instincts are good.
post #44 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
I'm not clear on why you still visit these people. Let your dh go alone, or you two can go together, but stay in a motel and meet them for dinner at a restaurant. Honestly? I am more freaked out about your two older kids because exposed to all that crap than the baby being passed around a few times.
: I'd be really upset and worried about my 6 yo seeing some of the stuff you described. Not that what was happening with the baby was ok either but the 6 yo is more likely to remember this stuff, kwim? I'm glad you and your family are home now! I wouldn't go back again if I were you, no matter what the circumstances.
post #45 of 86
Please keep ALL of your children away from those people. Like, forever.

So sorry you had to endure that, mama. Next time your DH wants to visit his family, he can go by himself. But why would he even want to go? Yikes.

Also, get a copy of Susan Forward's book, Toxic In-Laws. And get a copy of her book Toxic Parents for your husband.

post #46 of 86
WOw. You have really put my in-law complaints in perspective.

You are a strong mama and you CAN refuse to ever take your children there again. You can do it.
post #47 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Limabean1975 View Post
WOw. You have really put my in-law complaints in perspective.

You are a strong mama and you CAN refuse to ever take your children there again. You can do it.
I was just thinking this!!
post #48 of 86
I think I'd tell them to go fly a kite. No way is anyone taking my baby away from me while they are screaming, not over my dead body Family or not, that is just plain wrong. I'm sorry this happened, but glad you are home. I would strongly start thinking of excuses for reasons you can't see them for the next holiday
post #49 of 86
Kudos to you for not verbally dismantling them!!!! I think it's a wonderful idea to spend time with them without the kids...

Wow... I hope you have someone you can talk to and process this with. Do you have a counselor or pastor that you can work through this with? Also, you did a good job of writing it all down - keep a copy and use it process through the weekend with a counselor...

I'm sure you feel like you were run over by the truck after this experience, I'd encourage you to be kind to yourself this week and take some time to re-set (massage, reiki, chakra/energy balancing). Also, lastly, I'd also encourage you to let go of what happened. You DID keep your children safe, you and hubby both learned a valuable lesson, and you'll be better prepared next time you're asked to bring the kids.

Deep breath. WE think you're a wonderful mother!!

Big big Hug!!!
post #50 of 86
Quote:
You're the mama and you get to decide whether he will be held or not.
Quote:
I love that phrase! It's true though. It's YOUR child and YOU decide who does or does not touch him.
sorry i haven't read all the posts but I wanted to chime in here for a second. There is also a dad involved here and he gets a right to decide if he is going to let his family hold HIS baby also. he has just as much right to decide if he wants to pass the baby as mom.
post #51 of 86
That is horrific. I cannot believe there are people who treat children that way. You do not have toh expose your kids to them. They are in no way entitled to be around them. In my opinion, better to not know their grandparents than to be exposed to that s%^t.
post #52 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
sorry i haven't read all the posts but I wanted to chime in here for a second. There is also a dad involved here and he gets a right to decide if he is going to let his family hold HIS baby also. he has just as much right to decide if he wants to pass the baby as mom.
Did you read the update? Post #34.
post #53 of 86
I did but that was not part of the story when those comments were made. I really hate the whole "screw dad the baby belongs to mama" attitude so many people have.

that said these people do sound crazy. why would you guys even take your children into that situation. nothing was gained by going. it would be one thing if a little dicomfort gained a lot by way of family relationships.

but

it sounds like total and complete chaos for everyone!! and it seems like everyone spent all weekend hurting everyone else in so many ways. holy crap.

it is my general theory that if i can't spend time with family in love (it sounds like you brought a lot of conflict and tension with you. and with good reason) then why go at all because you being there is not going to make anything better. its a whorling vortex of doom waiting to happen. Just stay home next time. this sounds like it goes far beyond people wanting to love on the baby. this is just insanity confined to too small a space.
post #54 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
I did but that was not part of the story when those comments were made. I really hate the whole "screw dad the baby belongs to mama" attitude so many people have.
Well, it was the mama who posted here, so people were addressing her which is why the poster said "you're the mama." I'd bet if dad posted the exact same thing, the responses would have been similar with the "mama" replaced by "dad," "papa," or "parent" The person you quoted ever said anything even remotely close to "screw the dad the baby belongs to mama" but more "screw the people who don't have the baby's best interest in mind because the baby belongs with those that do."
post #55 of 86
You did well considering what you were dealing with.

Why will your dh go back? I know it's complicated, there's a lot of guilt and false duty, but perhaps you need to address this. Stay clear from there, or have the kids come down with some fake virus when it's time for the visit. You do not have to expose your family to this.
post #56 of 86


oh mama... i hope you and your family are never exposed to this toxic family again.

i have to tell you, i think that anything gained by having a relationship with these people is totally overshadowed by the harm it is causing you, your DH and your kids.

i would not continue to participate in this relationship in person. i would send letters (like our christmas update letter) and pictures, but i could not let my kids go there. if it was very important to m DH, i would go with him t o support him, but leave the kids at home (with someone who will love, respect and care for them.
post #57 of 86
Wow. I totally would not go back there again, unless I stayed at a hotel, but even then, I'm not sure I'd want my kids to be around these people at all. I think something was gained by this trip. It sounds like your Dh has a better understanding of why you don't want to take the kids there. he also agrees that you shouldn't sleep there again. That's really a step in the right direction. Hugs to you.
post #58 of 86
Please don't ever visit those people again!!! Let DH go if he has to but tell everyone the kids are sick and the rest of you can't make it.
post #59 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigeyes View Post


Are you freaking kidding me????

My question to you is, why the hell are you letting your child anywhere near these people? EVER???

OMG. There is absolutely no way they would get their hands on my children, or even speak to them. NO WAY.

to you for your awful experience. But seriously, keep your sweet baby away from these UAVs. Please. Your poor dh and his brother, to have memories like those. :
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
(..) Honestly? I am more freaked out about your two older kids because exposed to all that crap than the baby being passed around a few times.

I totally agree.
post #60 of 86
Goodness gracious. I'm in shock. Yeah, I wouldn't have any more contact with them at all.
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