Originally Posted by Krystal323
hmm. many dysfunctional parents like to use $$ as a way to "make up for" their transgressions, and also to use it as a leash of sorts to try and continue to control/influence the behavior of their adult children. I'd be leery of accepting their $$ til i knew what that "gift" entailed...
your experience BTW sounds utterly horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that, and even sorrier for your dh as a kid
The above as well as so much of what the OP has posted sounds so much like my husband's family.
My ILs definately used money as a control over their kids. My husband now describes it as "keeping me in want" as they would hand out money that enable him (DH) to have luxuries but then turn around and threaten to cut off the cash flow whenever he didn't tow the party line.
When my DH broke from his family, FIL said something along the lines of "without the money we give you, she (meaning me) won't love you anymore."
HA! little did they know we were squirreling away "escape money" and I had a job that supported both of us. (DH worked in the family business at that time.)
OP - must you go to the brother's graduation?
Is it possible for your DH to have a heart to heart with the brother and explain to him how difficult it is on you and the kids to be in that environment?