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How to deal with unsupportive/uneducated family and friends

post #1 of 48
Thread Starter 
Hello, I'm fairly new to this forum and glad to find some other parents who agree with me on this subject.

I am having a hard time with my SIL who seems to think she knows everything. We got into a little argument the other day because she says I "shouldn't judge parents who vaccinate since the kids can't go to school without them". For one, I don't care what other parents do and two they can go to school without them.

This all started when I mentioned to my mom who is also not supportive, that when my DS had roseola the dr told us he got it "because he is not vaccinated". To my knowledge, there is not vaccine for roseola and there is also no treatment for it. Correct?

Anyway, since my decision was origonally based my intuition (we went to get the 2 month shot and I started crying uncontrollably for an extended peroid of time) I feel they think I'm crazy and I can't make them respect my decision.
What ways have you found effective in dealing with those who do not support you?

Thanks!
post #2 of 48
Don't tell them.
post #3 of 48
First of all any doctor that says a child gets roseola because they are not vaxed is not a doctor Id want to see! No vax and no treatment other than common sense (TLC)

As for dealing with unsupportive folks. I keep my opinions and choices to myself with people I know are mainstream and would not likely be supportive or are not open minded and I know will not look into the subject for themselves. I feel people out basically. If they seem like they are openminded and non-judgemental, non hysterical and are maybe into alterntaive medicine, I may talk to them about it. As for family. I have bsically told my parenst until they are willing to look at the COUNTLESS hours of research I have done and the MOUNDS of stuff I have, they are not allowed to comment and if they do I will not respond. After almost a year, they finally looked at some stuff when they were visiting a few weeks ago. My dad sent me an email saying "You may have won me over" . The person has to be open to learning something that may be totally different than what they have always believed and been taught.
post #4 of 48
Quote:
Don't tell them.
:
post #5 of 48
yup, don't tell them. I have not even told DH. My big secret from DH and the rest of our family is that DS is not vaxed. I know that DH (and everybody else) would have a huge problem with not vaxing, and he may even force the issue, so I just don't tell him (or them). I take care of doctor stuff. It is actually the only big secret I have from DH, but I believe that it is in order to protect DSs health, so I think it is justified.
post #6 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by rcr View Post
yup, don't tell them. I have not even told DH. My big secret from DH and the rest of our family is that DS is not vaxed. I know that DH (and everybody else) would have a huge problem with not vaxing, and he may even force the issue, so I just don't tell him (or them). I take care of doctor stuff. It is actually the only big secret I have from DH, but I believe that it is in order to protect DSs health, so I think it is justified.
.

You have balls I'll give you that! Have you ever thought about what will happen if he ever finds out??
post #7 of 48
I don't talk about it with anyone unless I know they are mostly supportive of non-vax. Most of the people I'm around have no clue we don't vax or if they do it's just not mentioned. I've researched it and read a lot about it, but I'm unfortunately one of those people who clam up when I'm challenged. Even if I have a lot of info and facts memorized and in my head, I just go blank. I once presented my mil with facts and she wasn't swayed in the least and told me she'd be praying that my kids never got sick. So, for us, it's best to just keep quiet.
post #8 of 48
I don't mention it. also, maybe you could just say " I think we have all of that covered, thanks for your concern" if they mention it, thjen change the subject fast!
post #9 of 48
I would love to see how vaxes prevent roseola. Oh I know, Its the same way vaxes prevent you from getting the cold. I forgot. Vaxes make you healthy.

I agree that don't ask/don't tell policy is best with vaccines. When the majority of people vax I don't think you are gonna find many sympathetic ears or open minds. There are gonna be lots of things like that though as a parent you will need to learn not to share with folks.
post #10 of 48
Yeah just don't discuss it. Whenever it comes up just say something like, "Oh, that's a discussion for another day - are you're daffodils up yet?" or something like that. If they press you on it just say that your dc has all the vaxes they need and drop it. If it does persist and start to get ugly, just thank them for a wonderful time and leave. It's just not worth the fight that you're not going to win, kwim?
post #11 of 48
I don't discuss it with the majority of people but I don't hide it either. Luckily both sets of parents have been supportive of it even though the ILs find it strange. Luckily everyone know to what extent I research this stuff...
post #12 of 48
I don't lie about it if asked directly but I also don't bother to defend myself against uninformed ranting and personal attacks. I offer to lend people my vaccine books and direct them to sites I found helpful, but I don't discuss such a personal decision with people who aren't open-minded about the choice not to vaccinate.

It's none of their business and I don't really care what they think of me, so whatever. I'm happy to discuss my reasoning with people who seem genuinely curious and interested, but that's rare. Usually it's just, "Vaccines are not right for our family. Pass the salt?"

With certain parties who might freak out or do something crazy like call CPS, I would have no problem lying through my teeth. It's simply none of their business and I will do whatever it takes to protect my son from harm. Of course, I also strictly limit or even sever contact with people like that, so...
post #13 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marnica View Post
.

You have balls I'll give you that!
Ovaries She's got ovaries!
post #14 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marnica View Post
First of all any doctor that says a child gets roseola because they are not vaxed is not a doctor Id want to see! No vax and no treatment other than common sense (TLC)
Luckily it was at the hospital so we hopefully won't ever see her again. We saw a nurse then a resident then the dr and they all gave me the 'you're crazy attitude' so I think the dr had to come up with a way to make me feel like I have made a bad choice and I should feel guilty.
post #15 of 48
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone! I guess it does make sense to just not tell anyone unless they ask about it or change the subject if I need to.
post #16 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
Ovaries She's got ovaries!
post #17 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2geminibaby View Post
This all started when I mentioned to my mom who is also not supportive, that when my DS had roseola the dr told us he got it "because he is not vaccinated". To my knowledge, there is not vaccine for roseola and there is also no treatment for it. Correct?
I'd like to ask that doctor how my daughter (fully vaccinated at the time) contracted roseola then! The nerve of some doctors!! One thing that makes my blood boil is hearing about people lying. Don't lie to me. That is one thing that sets me off!

As far as the family is concerned, I fall back on the old, "You do what you want, I'll do what I want based on my extensive research."
post #18 of 48
I pretty much don't tell anyone. There are some of my friends that I can trust not to go crazy about it and so they know. My family knows they are part of the reason I don't vax, but my ILs don't know and we don't discuss it with them at all. They are all are vaxed and think that you have to or you will die.
post #19 of 48
I think you should tell people. The more this gets talked about, the more people will question the status-quo. It's important to keep an open dialogue about this kind of stuff. Also, I worry that by insulating yourself from dissenting views, you run the risk of becoming just as close minded as those who vaccinate without thinking. Am I coming off too strong? I don't mean to. I'm just saying that discussing things, even if it's uncomfortable to do so, is good for you, your points of view and others.

For the record, We're vaccinating slow and limited. But if it weren't for mommas like those in this forum, I may have just done all of them on the CDC schedule without thinking nearly as much about it. If we get pregnant again, I'm not sure how we'll handle it. And that's a direct effect from listening to people who i disagreed with vehemently in the beginning.

I totally get the "keep it from the family" stand. But you have to argue about something with don't you? Why not this?
post #20 of 48
I'm with the previous poster, I tell everyone!!!

I've read a whole lot on the subject and most people that do vax don't know anything they just go in blindly. When my daughter was born and I didn't know anything I just said sure give her the Hep when she was born, "whatever everyone else gets". Boy was I stupid, I didn't have Hepatitis there was no reason for her to have that.

People don't know so if there's ever a chance to educate or even plant a little seed to lead them to want to do their own research I do it. I've even put a couple links to You Tube videos of Dr. Tenpenny on my Facebook before

Gather as much information as you can and know so much that you can state your case and then do it!!
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