How to deal with unsupportive/uneducated family and friends - Page 3

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by NokomisThree

I think you should tell people. The more this gets talked about, the more people will question the status-quo. It's important to keep an open dialogue about this kind of stuff. Also, I worry that by insulating yourself from dissenting views, you run the risk of becoming just as close minded as those who vaccinate without thinking. Am I coming off too strong? I don't mean to. I'm just saying that discussing things, even if it's uncomfortable to do so, is good for you, your points of view and others.

For the record, We're vaccinating slow and limited. But if it weren't for mommas like those in this forum, I may have just done all of them on the CDC schedule without thinking nearly as much about it. If we get pregnant again, I'm not sure how we'll handle it. And that's a direct effect from listening to people who i disagreed with vehemently in the beginning.

I totally get the "keep it from the family" stand. But you have to argue about something with don't you? Why not this?

If may be good for YOU but don't make assumptions about everyone else thankyouverymuch.

I don't know where to begin. Family politics can be delicate. Who wants to constantly do battle with their family!? particularly when you are still discussing it with your partner.

It is easy to bring it up on mothering as it is heavily moderated, but bringing it up on my other mommy site takes a suit of armor so heavy that I usually avoid having to put it on.

This topic is up there with religion and politics. Some people cannot discuss, but immediately call for your child's removal by CPS, wonder what idiot would want their child to die, or berate you for not searching "for a ped you can trust", then doing everything they tell you. If you are not quick on your feet, or do not express yourself well, then whether you have made a reasoned decision is called into question.

Family can make EVERY encounter about your parenting decisions. You can be made the focus of family chain mail, the topic of discussion at family dinners, cornered by any family member that is remotely connected to the medical industry, be the victim of family passive-aggressive hell "well, excuse me if I don't want my grandchild to die."

I know plenty of non-vaxers who have lost friends, their children have been kept from friends due to their vax status being public.

And no, we don't argue with the family over anything at gatherings; that's not why we are there.

[tammyswanson]

I tell people..if they have a problem with it, tough. If they are uneducated enough to think that my kid would give them some 'disease' because he's not vaccinated, then that is their problem. I also tell people because it's good to give them another possibility to consider. I mean they may not do anything with it, but maybe that will prod them to listen to more news stories if they hear them about vaccines and autism, vaccine damage, etc.

I did a lot of research on this and other issues, and I can't respect the opinion of those who just believe what their pharmaceutical peddling doctors tell them. It's one thing to do a lot of independent research and form an opinion, and it's another to just believe everything a doctor tells you and pass that off as the absolute authority.

Plus reading about links between DDT exposure and polio outbreaks, as well as agent orange and this avian flu virus...things are starting to fall into place about some of these 'disease epidemics' that have happened.

Some people would never change their opinions no matter what, while others will actually listen to other opinions. You have to figure out who's who and act accordingly. My one aunt..she's really nice and generous, but you can't tell her anything..she thinks she knows it ALL..lol! Even without researching any of it. Some people you just can't talk to, others you can.

[PaigeC]

I tell everyone! Of course I do that with a lot of things. My mother says I should have been a litigator because I love to spout my opinion!

When I talk to people who don't agree with me who (invariably) know nothing about the topic - I use the socratic method and ask questions that point out they don't know anything.

Did you have a diptheria shot in the last 10 years?
If the vaccine works then why do you think your child will get it?
Don't you think that adults are part of this human "herd"?
Why do you think a healthy infant needs a vaccination against a sexually transmitted disease?
How many people did you know that died from chicken pox?

or I start the "did you read the study..."

That clams people up.

[tammyswanson]

Originally Posted by PaigeC

I tell everyone! Of course I do that with a lot of things. My mother says I should have been a litigator because I love to spout my opinion!

When I talk to people who don't agree with me who (invariably) know nothing about the topic - I use the socratic method and ask questions that point out they don't know anything.

Did you have a diptheria shot in the last 10 years?
If the vaccine works then why do you think your child will get it?
Don't you think that adults are part of this human "herd"?
Why do you think a healthy infant needs a vaccination against a sexually transmitted disease?
How many people did you know that died from chicken pox?

or I start the "did you read the study..."

That clams people up.

I LOVE your way of handling people! I'll have to do that instead! Great idea! I usually get all discombobulated that I forget what I know.

[nolonger]

Originally Posted by spero

Don't tell them.

That works for me. If they push further, I just say "I am comfortable with the schedule that my pediatrician and I agreed on and it is a private matter that I do not wish to discuss."

I live in a very pro-vax area so people just assume that ds is vaxed according to the CDC schedule and usually don't ask.

I had a similar experience with birthing my baby unassisted. It's a very small town so when people asked me if I was using Midwife A or Midwife B I just growled that I had never heard anything bad about Midwife A and I didn't want to hear a bunch of slanderous lies. They backed off right away.

Of course I'm a hypocrite, because if everybody handled it the way I did I wouldn't have known that i could UC or refuse vaxes so i would have been C sectioned because of my age and ds would have been given a vax against a sexually transmitted disease before I ever laid eyes on him.

[brendaziz]

Originally Posted by noordinaryspider

That works for me. If they push further, I just say "I am comfortable with the schedule that my pediatrician and I agreed on and it is a private matter that I do not wish to discuss."

I live in a very pro-vax area so people just assume that ds is vaxed according to the CDC schedule and usually don't ask.

I had a similar experience with birthing my baby unassisted. It's a very small town so when people asked me if I was using Midwife A or Midwife B I just growled that I had never heard anything bad about Midwife A and I didn't want to hear a bunch of slanderous lies. They backed off right away.

Of course I'm a hypocrite, because if everybody handled it the way I did I wouldn't have known that i could UC or refuse vaxes so i would have been C sectioned because of my age and ds would have been given a vax against a sexually transmitted disease before I ever laid eyes on him.

Aww- well I wouldn't call you a hypocrite. It's not as if you're walking around lying and saying that you vax your kids fully. People are going to assume that you go w/ the flow/do the norm- and I honestly think most people are happier that way.
MOST people i know/am friends with- I could tell them everything I know and believe and while they might agree w/ my right to believe- they still wouldnt choose what I choose- so I dont see my not bringing it up when we're together really making a big difference.

[WCM]

I too get all flustered when I need to defend my decision not to vax. Even though I feel I KNOW my stuff, and have looked into it over many years.

Yet on homebirth or homeschooling I'mtotally fine. Hmmm . . .


I agree that if more people talk about it, more may question the practice, or at least research it more so they are making informed consent.

As to the comment that 'how will others learn why we don't vax if we don't tell them?". You could also go read the books we read.

If I wanted to earn about something, I'd go find the info, not make others go through something (unless they offer/are fine with it.) so I can 'get educated'.

[caned & able]

Originally Posted by spero

Don't tell them.

The very best advice.