I want to be a midwife and my husband HATES the idea - Page 2

[CNM2B]

Originally Posted by pamamidwife

It's so hard to do this work without support of a partner. It's really vital.

Are you considering nurse-midwifery in a hospital? Did you have a CNM with your baby? What were his thoughts on the birth?

Another thing to consider is that CNMs are less in less in demand for hospital birthwork than, say 15 years ago. It's political, for sure, but you may not always be attending births as a CNM.

I think this definitely depends on where you live. Nationwide, the number of babies caught by CNM's continues to increase considerably each year. The demand is definitely growing in most places.

I agree that you need a supportive spouse. School alone requires my husband to help A LOT!

Good luck with your pursuit! Maybe your hubby just needs more information? I am working on my CNM right now and hope/plan to work shifts at my hospital when I am done--just until my daughter is older.

[BetsyS]

I am in a place where most CNMs do not work shifts per se. They tend to work in group practices, where they work a 40-80 hour week (depending on public sector versus private sector), with hours both in the office and on call, sharing that call with the other midwives in their office. So, yes, they may only be on call for 24-48 hours at a time, but it's not quite the same as the shift work as a RN. In my state, it is illegal for a CNM and MD to jointly own a practice (as partners), so most CNMs are employees of MDs. That's just how it is with the current laws. DEMs are alegal in my state.

I graduated in 2000 in a class of 16. Of those 16, I think 3 are working in traditional midwifery jobs. There are a couple of professors, one person works in an infertility clinic. One works as a nurse practitioner in a Ob/GYN office. Two of us are SAHMs. One works for an insurance company. A variety of places. But, suffice to say, all of us who definitely had the bug, who absolutely had to do birth work, well, we're not birthing babies. A supportive partner is pretty crucial, imo.

[courtenay_e]

Originally Posted by feminine_earth

Oh, what a wonderful husband you have!

Yes. Yes. I do.

[completebeginnings]

This is something that I am struggling with currently with my husband. He is very supportive of what I do. I have actually had to put a block on him talking to pregnant women in the grocery store lines. They think it is freaky when a man in a suit starts talking to them about how far dilated they are and where they are birthing.

I have been a doula and educator for 6 years and we have had 3 children in that time and he has been very supportive. He was even in law school and worked full time and we still made it work. The last year I have been apprenticing with a local midwife and it is going well. He is still very supportive of what I do but it has started causing problems. I have had to let my expectations drop a bit. When I am at a birth I am lucky to find the children sleeping and fed. That is all I can expect. The house is thrashed and friends are stretched thin from having my kids all the time. I have just had to let it go. Things are not going to be the same as when I am home with the kids.
He is also involved in a fencing organization called the SCA. They dress up in Renaissance type clothing and do archery, fencing, hard suit fighting etc. he started when he was 16 and loves it. The problem is that he goes away to events 2 weekends a month. Me being on call constantly and not being able to go with him has put a huge strain on our relationship. I resent him getting to go and have fun and leaving me alone with the kids so often (I already homeschool and he works a ton of hours so he isn't around much). It also never fails that I get called into a early morning birth on the days he is gone and I have to find a sitter to come to my house at 3 am. We actually had a big discussion because it has come to the point when we really need to choose. His hobby or my midwifery. It is such a life style change. Not sure what we are going to do. My argument is that at least my hobby makes money but I don't want to be the wife that made him stop something he loves either.

[wombjuice]

completebeginnings, just to throw something out there...have you ever considered getting an au pair? I don't know all that much about them, but I know they are much cheaper than a regular live-in nanny. Having an au pair could really take a lot of strain off your relationship, as your husband can still do what he enjoys and you can continue being on-call for births without worrying about scrambling for childcare at 3 in the morning. It might be something to think about. Either way, I hope you can figure out something that will suit the both of you. It sounds like a very tough situation.

[fairydoula]

My husband corners co-workers with stories of homebirth! LOL
If you value your marriage, find a way for both of you to pursue what you love. Don't ask him to give his hobby up and don't make it into a competetion about who's hobby makes more money or costs more, or is more inconvienent, etc. You'll both lose out in the end.
Finding an Au Pair, Nanny, Mother's Helper, On-call babysitter, call it what you will.... could be vastly beneficial to you both. Some college students will work at a very reasonable rate, esp. as you can provide a good reference for them, esp. if they are going into early childhood education. Call up the local community colleges and see if you can get some names and numbers. Make sure you check references, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, these are your KIDS!! Good luck! There is a way to make it work. I have 4 kids, 14,9,5 and 3. I totally feel ya!
- Jen

Originally Posted by completebeginnings

This is something that I am struggling with currently with my husband. He is very supportive of what I do. I have actually had to put a block on him talking to pregnant women in the grocery store lines. They think it is freaky when a man in a suit starts talking to them about how far dilated they are and where they are birthing.

I have been a doula and educator for 6 years and we have had 3 children in that time and he has been very supportive. He was even in law school and worked full time and we still made it work. The last year I have been apprenticing with a local midwife and it is going well. He is still very supportive of what I do but it has started causing problems. I have had to let my expectations drop a bit. When I am at a birth I am lucky to find the children sleeping and fed. That is all I can expect. The house is thrashed and friends are stretched thin from having my kids all the time. I have just had to let it go. Things are not going to be the same as when I am home with the kids.
He is also involved in a fencing organization called the SCA. They dress up in Renaissance type clothing and do archery, fencing, hard suit fighting etc. he started when he was 16 and loves it. The problem is that he goes away to events 2 weekends a month. Me being on call constantly and not being able to go with him has put a huge strain on our relationship. I resent him getting to go and have fun and leaving me alone with the kids so often (I already homeschool and he works a ton of hours so he isn't around much). It also never fails that I get called into a early morning birth on the days he is gone and I have to find a sitter to come to my house at 3 am. We actually had a big discussion because it has come to the point when we really need to choose. His hobby or my midwifery. It is such a life style change. Not sure what we are going to do. My argument is that at least my hobby makes money but I don't want to be the wife that made him stop something he loves either.