MINE! MY baby! Not yours! Get away! - Page 2

[scrappingmom]

DDC crashing...

I'd have DH call after delivery, not toooo soon but soon enough for family to feel its not "old news coming late". Tell everyone it was a very exhausting delivery(they all are, even the easy fast ones who can argue that!) that you are establishing BF and have requested your rest. Maybe tell MIL she can come for 30 min once you get home but then mom and baby are "overstimulated" and really need peace for a while to settle baby in to a routine and let you and DH with baby get into your family routine. Offer daily phone call made by one of you for updating and to who you feel CAN honor it.. maybe a 15min, planned ahead(cause you'll be running around topless otherwise ) visit ... limited to adults for the first.week, two weeks etc, for germs sake.

If MIL would be one to help with household things perhaps asking if she could come over to help with laundry, cooking etc a job you can limit, then she can "spend time with baby" without being TO MUCH.. after the first, however long you feel.

Breastfeeding, BABY exhaustion, overstimulation are all great reasons to close doors quickly. You can also tell people, you'd love to show off the baby and visit with them but really need your rest first.

have the manifesto prepaared though just incase it's needed ..lol

My family knows to keep their distance reasonable, infact I've had to invite them over! never had an issue with IL's wanting to be too involved, can barely get them involved at all in fact! but I've never viewed that as a bad thing honestly.

BTW. good luck with delivery and enjoy your new family!

[~Sarah~]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs

I'm still thinking you can do this really gracefully and politely, but firmly.

I really hope that it can go down like that----that would be ideal! What I'm basing some of my expectations on are the experience I had a few months ago, letting MIL know that we really appreciate a phone call before people stop by, so that we can tidy up just a bit (like not having dirty dishes on the coffee table and whatnot) and not be in our underwear. In reality, it's so that we can have the chance to not answer the phone if we don't feel like having visitors.

I was really, really nice about it, and very much in the "it's totally not you, it's me" kind of mode while explaining to her (like "oh, I know you don't care what the house looks like, but it makes me uncomfortable to let people see my mess, it makes it hard to have a good visit and pay attention to you because I'm looking around and seeing all the things that need to be picked up"). And instead of just saying "oh, right on, I can do that" she proceeded to argue/debate with me for the next half hour about why she didn't think she should have to call, and that I was being silly about my feelings, and then at the end, she flat-out said "well, no, I'm not gonna do that." And I decided to let it go for the moment with a half-true joke like "well, we won't let you in, then!" And ever since then, she has called before she dropped by, which is great, exactly what I wanted her to do----except every.single.time she calls before stopping by she says "I just wanted to call because I know you hate it when I just stop by" or something similar. And I found out the other day that after our initial conversation, she had gone straight to my SIL (the one I want as a doula) and complained about my request, saying "I never had to do that with any of my other kids! I'm not gonna do that!" And apparently it was my SIL that convinced her that it's normal for young couples with no kids yet to want their privacy and space, and that she should just acquiesce because it will probably change after we have kids.

So that's why I say "manifesto"----because they're a family of lawyers and she'll need a 12-page dissertation on how she's the best grandma in the world and the center of the universe and I'm sure this baby loves her more than anyone else, but we would just like some space. You can tell her that something isn't this/that way, but she'll still be convinced it's this/that way if it gets her into the martyr position.

However----hope springs eternal, and worse things happen at sea, so maybe---just maybe----they'll all get their 15 minutes of holding-the-baby time on day 1 and then will leave us alone. Positive vibes to the universe....:::

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by ~Sarah~

because they're a family of lawyers and she'll need a 12-page dissertation on how she's the best grandma in the world and the center of the universe and I'm sure this baby loves her more than anyone else, but we would just like some space. You can tell her that something isn't this/that way, but she'll still be convinced it's this/that way if it gets her into the martyr position.

However----hope springs eternal, and worse things happen at sea, so maybe---just maybe----they'll all get their 15 minutes of holding-the-baby time on day 1 and then will leave us alone. Positive vibes to the universe....:::

YEESH.

Then I am definitely ::: your way...

[~Sarah~]

Originally Posted by scrappingmom

I'd have DH call after delivery, not toooo soon but soon enough for family to feel its not "old news coming late".

Oh, that's what I forgot to mention: part of the way I thought of to make her and them feel better about not being there was to webcast the birth. It's a dual thing---they will feel better about staying away, and my family (all out-of-town) will feel closer and more involved. We're broadcasting it on Ustream with a password protection, so we told them we'd call them when we start broadcasting, probably a little while before transition hits. They can watch the entire thing, so long as they STAY HOME. So they'll know that she's been born, no phone calls needed there!

I thought it was a very thoughtful and considerate compromise on my part.

[peilover010202]

Originally Posted by ~Sarah~

I really hope that it can go down like that----that would be ideal! What I'm basing some of my expectations on are the experience I had a few months ago, letting MIL know that we really appreciate a phone call before people stop by, so that we can tidy up just a bit (like not having dirty dishes on the coffee table and whatnot) and not be in our underwear. In reality, it's so that we can have the chance to not answer the phone if we don't feel like having visitors.

I did this very same thing with my MIL and it went over like a lead balloon. She still stops by without calling. It also changed our relationship.

I just wanted to add that I fought really hard for my babymoon with ds2. I refused having my mom (or anyone else in the delivery room), visitors at the hospital only, then no one for the first week. I personally look back at it and regret it. I don't feel like ds2 was "celebrated" like ds1 because I holed up in our house during that time. I also ended up having PPD.

Obviously, everyone's experience will be different. And, I am not at all saying that you aren't entitled to wanting a babymoon and a break from all the insanity that ensues. But, be gentle with everyone, because you may realize that you actually *want* someone around. And, if you hurt them, they will be less willing to reach out to you.

For me, I won't have a babymoon this time around. Visitors are welcome as long as they call ahead and when I get tired or babe needs to nurse, then I'll retreat to my room. They can try to wait me out or come back another time.

I hope everything works out for you and that it's exactly what you've dreamed of!!

[MI_Dawn]

Originally Posted by ~Sarah~

I almost envy Noriega, because at least he got to be alone in his place. Sure, the music was a bit loud, but still.....

This made me laugh out loud. I needed that today.

You're doing all the right things... just keep doing them, one choice at a time. You won't get that time back, and you're right to protect it.