Please don't feel sorry for my family!?! - Page 2

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Ola_

It sounds like they are trying to justify their own choices - clearly if you go along with what they do it will make their way "right".

OMG--this has actually gotten to the point of destroying (well, I don't want to call it a FRIENDSHIP) a "neighbor relation". Anything I do that isn't what she does is a direct insult to her choices.

I got it from relatives on bfing. I get it from other parents when they find out I'm hsing. We got it from ds's godfather when we were driving a '98 Sentra (with no car payment) in 2006 (while he suspended 401k contributions to lease a new, pretty car).

Yes--it's all about how they feel judged for what they're doing because they don't have the strength to stand up and do what you're doing--which they know is right and better.

Originally Posted by KariM

Like you we're criticized for staying in our 1200 sq ft old house in a slightly run-down neighborhood in non-posh part of town.

Yes--when we bought, this place was SO FAR beneath our means that we didn't even have to sell the house we left (but we did). THANK GOD because 8 months into this house, we lost 2/3 of our income. Now it's nearly 9 years later and we're still only at 2/3 of the income we had--but have never had to file bankruptcy or foreclosure and have never missed a payment on our things. Neither vehicle has a loan (although we do have some other debt). That could never have happened if I didn't live in the town I live in.

Likewise, we bought and sold two other properties that gave us money needed to keep us out of more debt over that time. AND we can sell our house at current market value and not owe money. I'd say we're doing better than most (not to say we're doing great, but most people we know are worse off).

Originally Posted by Leta

or get sniffy, like, "Well, she COULD work". It's all very silly.

We get this, too. And in our case, I'm home because our 5yo has mild special needs that really make him being in a classroom difficult for him; and how it's handled was already destroying his little self-image. I'll deal with living in a crappy town to stay home, homeschool him, and save him the decades of counseling costs.

Originally Posted by rebeccalynn

It is mostly family that drives me batty. I am sure that dh gets some ribbing from some of the guys at work b/c we keep to a specific budget for lunches and "toys" which is far below what most of them blow in a month. Casual friends usually only bother me with their comments when they will not drop something - ie you have got to go to disney this year b/c the prices are sooo cheap.

Family is a love/hate relationship for us.

:

And with my ILs, our lifestyle apparently "reflects" on them. The comments about HAVING to go to Disney drive me over the edge--especially when coming from someone who is already confiding in me the depth of their debt. I have at least once said "How could you possibly afford that?!" because of the depth of the absurdity of it.

[confustication]

We have made the choice to live in a very modest home- and work on it as we are there.

We choose to drive an older vehicle.

We choose to hike, play outside, garden, and when we do take a vacation- we drive.

Many family members think we're nuts- especially his family (who are very 'keeping up with the Jonses') they don't understand that we do these things so we aren't tied to a huge mortgage, car payment, general debt that will keep us tied up forever.

This is much less stress, and while I am the mainsource of income for our family, I am able to work half my time at the office, and half my time at home. I gave up a very high-paying ratrace job to write for a small local paper. My income tanked, and I am FAR happier.

[oneKnight]

Some people just don't get it. My family had a HUGE laugh (ok, we're still laughing) because my sister's college teacher asked her if she felt safe buying such an old car.

My sister had just bought a 2000 Chevy Malibu (paid cash). For us, this is a NEW car.
For the teacher, aparently she thought it was about to fall apart or something.

[Amys1st]

We also have certain family members where we can only take them in small doses. We literally have a 4 hour rule with my family members. After 4 hours, we go home no matter what. Because anytime after that, the sh&^%$ always hits the fan. And it might not have anything to do with me or me not involved, but there to witness it!

On DH's side, his sister who lives in another state is extremely and unhealthy about money and items. They are putting it mildly, extremely materalistic. So she and/or her family come thru about once a year so we deal with her on a limited basis.

My SIL is one of those people who is put off to put it lightly but looks extremely offended if you choose something she would not do.

Such as they have a mcmansion surronded by 100 or so of the same house. in an overcrowded and highly congested suburb. Just getting to the house is a headache. Then walking into a highly echoing, heavy handed decor is enough to send my family into a crazed mode. Never mind the 5 yes 5 tv areas. We have a 13 yr old tv that is on its last leg as the one tv in our home. Plus we bought a diamond in the rough that we are redoing ourselves and (gasp) living it while under construction!!
Nevermind DH and I's politics, religion, AP choices, NFliving choices, and food choices. As you can imagine, its painful to watch and be around!

[kay4]

((hugs)) I have had people tell me they 'feel bad' for my kids because they don't have many toys. Um, ok we chose to downsize toys and they would rather play at the park, outside or on the xbox lol. So what if the house doesn't look like a toy store??

[holyhelianthus]

I can so relate to this thread! Thanks for it!