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Looking like Daddy?

post #1 of 51
Thread Starter 
Hi ladies, I'm very new to the idea that circumcision isn't "normal" and "necessary". Reading around on this forum has opened my eyes a lot. Thankfully, I have no sons so nothing to regret at this point. I am currently prego with #2 and if it is a boy...well, I have to make this decision. I'm heavily leaning toward NOT circ'ing, and dh is open to discussing it. He IS circumcised, and a friend recently offered the "Isn't it best for sons to look like their daddy's?" argument at me. She wasn't being antagonistic, she was genuinely curious...and so am I. Do any of you have circ'd dad's and non-circ'd ds? Is it ever an "issue"? How do you respond to this line of thinking?
TIA!!
post #2 of 51
Hey there, welcome to the board. If you have a son I hope you'll keep him intact. To answer your question, I am an intact guy whose father is circumcised and it has never come up. It had no impact on me growing up. And I am sure you'll find plenty of parents here in this situation and they'll tell you it's a non-issue. Please feel free to ask any questions you want we're here to help you.

ETA: The best way to respond is that if you're thinking logically, boys won't look anything like their fathers considering size and hair and all. It's really not an issue.
post #3 of 51
If daddy has a tattoo, going to get one for jr? If daddy is bald, shave his head? What if daddy had a broken nose? Or was missing a toe? Pretty silly, eh?

-Angela
post #4 of 51
I never understood this argument.

When the son is young enough that he and his father would be naked together, there are so many other factors that don't look the same (hair being the main one) that I don't see how the circ/non-circ would be an issue. At that point too, the son is generally young enough that a simple "this is why your penis is different than mine" would just be taken matter-of-factly.

Are there really cases where a man is distraught that his penis looks different than his father's? Do fathers and sons sit around and compare them? Can any husband who uses that argument recall what his father's penis looks like?!

Sorry, just sayin'.
post #5 of 51
My dad is cut and I have one cut brother and one intact brother and they are all OK with it. Once my dad heard it wasn't necessary he was fine with leaving my second brother intact. If anything, he and my cut brother wish they weren't circed. All 3 are intactivists now too.
post #6 of 51
DH is circ'd, DS is intact. DH doesn't plan on DS seeing his boy parts. The issue of looking like daddy never was an issue, because we wanted to do what was best for DS, not what we prefered. Not that we prefered to circ, but just that we always kept DS's best interest in mind.
post #7 of 51
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone, of course this makes perfect sense. I really don't think we'll be circ'ing any possible future sons. Dh is willing to talk about it and he is always one to see reason and not cling to old, outdated, wrong beliefs. I'll be sure to ask more questions as they arise.
post #8 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by jwhispers View Post
ETA: The best way to respond is that if you're thinking logically, boys won't look anything like their fathers considering size and hair and all. It's really not an issue.
:

DS1, who is intact, is 16. His bio-dad, who was circumcised, left when he was 7. I don't think he ever noticed that his dad didn't have a foreskin - he certainly never commented on it. DH, his stepdad, is also circ'd, but I don't think ds1 has ever seen him naked. OTOH, ds2 is now 3.5, and is intact - and doesn't seem to have ever noticed that his dad doesn't have a foreskin, either. I would guess that if he noticed a difference, it would be the hair.

I find this argument incredibly weird.
post #9 of 51
I would imagine that if the boy did notice it he would think that when he got older his would look like daddy if anything. I have heard others actually say their ds asked will mine look like daddy's when I am older. That is the oportunity you use to explain to them the difference between circed and intact and how lucky he is that you learned circ was not something that was needed before he was born.
post #10 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
If daddy has a tattoo, going to get one for jr? If daddy is bald, shave his head? What if daddy had a broken nose? Or was missing a toe? Pretty silly, eh?

-Angela
yea that! also, uh, is daddy planning on lots of father/son naked time? significant time spent comparing naked penises with ds?? i never understood this argument for circ.

it's weird.
post #11 of 51
Our 5yr old asked why Daddy's is different - we just explained that Daddy had an operation on his penis as a baby that the doctors thought was necessary then but we now know its not, so he (our DS) didn't have it done. He said - oh - did it hurt? We said yes and he said he was glad his penis didn't hurt.

Done. Not talked about again til he told my parents that Daddy had an operation on his penis! LMBO Thankfully I'd discussed with my Mum what I would tell him so she knew what he was talking about! LOL
post #12 of 51
I am pregnant now, so I can't answer directly yet, but I do have a cute story;

My sisters DS (3yo) is intact and her DH is circ'd. The only time this came up was when my BIL was taking a bath with his son and his son said, "Dad your peni looks like a mushroom!' and then had a good laugh about how silly that was. The little guy didn't feel 'bad' or anything that his 'peni' was different, you know?

I think it would be harder if your DH had a problem with it. But my DH is circ'd too and after just a few conversations he is glad we are leaving our child intact.
post #13 of 51
Hello! Welcome and I hope reading this board will lead you to leaving your son intact and whole, as he was meant to be.

My DH is circumcised, and we happily have one intact son and will leave any future sons we have intact! The issue came up for us around 20 weeks of pregnancy when the "idea" of leaving our son intact came up in my mind. My DH was initially opposed (as were my parents), but we were blessed with a wonderful birth doula and a wonderful postpartum doula who really opened our eyes (mostly his ) eyes to the gift we could give our son by leaving him intact. I did waffle for awhile and struggled with the decision, but I can't tell you the joy it gives me every day to know that I honored my son's genital integrity and did not harm him in any way after his birth by unnecessarily cutting his genitals.

I hope you will read up on this topic and become informed on the benefits of leaving your son intact. I was worried that intact care would be much more difficult and somehow "unclean" (this came from my lack of knowledge on the subject), but it is honestly SO easy...you don't have to do anything, and you are giving your son the greatest gift in the world! Hope this helps and welcome to the boards
post #14 of 51
The fact that mommy has no penis has been a much bigger issue in our house than daddy's penis being circ'd (which has never been asked about.) The answer "b/c mommy is a girl" does not seem to be fully satisfactory.
post #15 of 51
Just wanted to chime in with another "my husband is circumcised but our son is intact". DS has seen DH nude many times and the difference has never been an issue, not has it been noticed that I'm aware of. DS is the only blonde in our house and has asked why his hair is yellow and not brown like everyone else. We just explained everyone is born different and he was satisfied with that answer. If he ever asks about his dad being circed we'll just say that having surgery on the penis was recommended when daddy was born and grandma did what she thought was best. But mom and dad (and doctors) have learned more now and know boys don't need to have that part of the body cut off .
If it's a big deal for your DH/DP to feel like he "matches" his son, he can always look into restoring his foreskin. Otherwise, I really think the differences will be a non-issue for your family.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
post #16 of 51
To the OP: Hello, and Welcome to the CAC forum! Good for you for doing your research before the baby is born.

I have two grown intact sons. Growing up with a circ'ed father was never an issue for them, and now they are two happily intact grown men. We are very happy that we left them the way nature intended them to be.
post #17 of 51
Welcome and congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have a circ'ed DH and an intact DS. If anybody ever made the comment to me, I would say, "Well my DH is balding, should I shave my son's head too?"

My DH put it this way, "I want BETTER for my son than I got for myself. Why something have to happen to him just because it happened to me?"

If DS ever asked we'll tell him that when Daddy was born, doctors thought that it was a good idea to cut off a part of a little boys penis, but now we know that's not necessary and so we left his natural body alone.

Anyway, my DH is wanting to restore his foreskin, so with any luck, by the time DS is old enough to ask, DH will have a foreskin!
post #18 of 51
My first son did notice when he was 3 and showering with my circ'ed dh. I think we just told him that daddy's just looked different and ds didn't care at all. I think he thought that daddy kept his foreskin back all the time. I thought he was too young to freak him out with the idea that daddy's was cut off.

When I was pg with ds1, dh was initially resistant to not circ'ing and said, "But my dad and all my brothers are!" So I said, "Yeah, and how often do you all sit around in the family room with your pants off comparing penises?" That shut him up quickly. Of course now he is an intactivist!

On a side note, my boobs do look like my mom's and I wish they didn't. They are totally deflated.
post #19 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
The fact that mommy has no penis has been a much bigger issue in our house than daddy's penis being circ'd (which has never been asked about.) The answer "b/c mommy is a girl" does not seem to be fully satisfactory.
YES!!! DS bathes with DH all the time and has never once mentioned that his penis is different from Daddy's, but has more than once commented that "Mommy doesn't have a pee-pee". Ugh, I'm still walking the fine line of correct information versus too much information.
post #20 of 51
I have two intact ds's-9 and 13. When they were little and naked in the tub with dad, the difference was never noticed. I pointed it out to older ds once and he wasn't phased-asked a couple questions about why people would circ their babies and dropped it. It's never come up again. Yonger ds has never asked or noticed.

I wonder what people are imagining will happen if a boy notices that his penis doesn't exactly mathc his dad's? Hysteria? Deep psychological problems? It is such a non-issue that I don't even think any studies have been bothered to be done on the subject.
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