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WWYD if your nanny did this? - Page 2

post #21 of 64
Yuck. I don't bathe my kids every day, or every other day for that matter. My kids have severe ezcma though. I do, however wash their face, hands, feet DAILY if not several times a day. We don't change clothes every day ('cause my kids love certain outfits) but they would never wear clothes that are visibly dirty or smelly! AND I would NEVER, EVER, EVER let them go to the point of getting contact dermitatis- itching and sores on the skin or genetals- my DS got them as a baby and I bet the little boy that's itching his penis actually has a sore at the base of the peins. Easily preventable.

I would bathe them. I would make it a routine to wash the kids on a bi-weekly basis (2x a week) and ensure that they have clean clothes. Start teaching the kids the importance of cleaning themselves (when they can) and make it fun and educational!

I would also keep an eye out for other signs that something is not right. The clingy ness is somewhat suspicious to me, in conjunction with the dirty- smelly- food crusted kids. WHat is the overall state of the house? What kinds of foods do the children eat? Are the parents attentive in other ways?
Do you work for an agency...because you could talk to your supervisor at the agency about how to adress this with the parents.

I think it's awesome that you are so sensative to the childrens needs as well as the parents! These are very lucky kids to have such a nice, sweet and wonderful nanny! I, personally would NOT be offended if you bathed my kids. You were hired to CARE for the children, and to me that includes ensuring that they are clean!
post #22 of 64
I think you've got good advice--just casually run it by parents and bathe away.

I have learned that hygiene standards very GREATLY, but if the kids are stinky and it makes you want to hug them less, baths are in order.

We have some good friends with the filthiest kids you've ever seen. Ironically the mom is a message therapist and the dad is a dermatologist. They just don't' seem to notice kids dirt/stink.
post #23 of 64
I would ask first, but I'll bet they'll be totally grateful that you are offering.
post #24 of 64
I would not bathe them. What I WOULD do is changetheir clothes every morning, underwear and all, and "spot-clean" with a wahcloth. You can wash their hair in the sink as needed and then combitevery day. Basically, eacj morning if you comb hair, brush teeth and completely change clothes, that would be less "intrusive" and they wouldn't look or smell soo bad.
post #25 of 64
I don't bathe my kids every day because it gives them extremely dry skin. We do baths if they're dirty or smelly, or at least once a week.

That said, my kids don't really get that stinky in that time, and if they are, I wash them. They DO get clean clothes/underpants, hair brushed, teeth brushed every day though. We wash hands frequently, etc...

I'd ask the parents if it'd be ok to work that into your day since it's getting muddy out and all that. Seems reasonable. We definitely do more baths in the summer (or go in the baby pool a lot).
post #26 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
You're not the only one. Dirty clothes, smells, dirty hair....those are other issues. Bathing them might help but that's not the issue. The kids need more overall care.

If someone changed their clothing, washed their hands and faces and combed their hair, they wouldn't need a bath everyday, or even every other day.

:

i don't care if kids are bathed once a day or once a month--as long as they are healthy and clean. people don't all need to bathe as often as others. i bathe every day/every other day; DH bathes far less often. but he doesn't stink or seem dirty.
post #27 of 64
Yes, bathe them, If you do it first thing the parents probably won't even notice they've been bathed
post #28 of 64
I would offer to bathe them.

I actually specifically ask my nanny to bathe my kids. I started doing this b/c she's so much fun, and so energetic that the kids were just playing non-stop, and implementing afternoon baths with the nanny was a GREAT way to have a little sort-of-quiet time most afternoon (baths are bumped for other activities sometimes, which is totally fine - my kids probably average 4-5 baths/week). It's great. The kids are not quite as wiped out when I get home, they're clean, and dinner/bedtime is less rushed. I love it and my nanny is happy to sit relatively still for a while each afternoon.
post #29 of 64
Eeeeek - I'm not one to bathe a baby too often (twice a week for DS 10 months), but he's spotcleaned as needed, and he gets a clothes change twice a day - fresh onesie and clothes in the morning and fresh onesie and jammies at night.

Those poor children being itchy and SMELLY!

Jane
post #30 of 64
Maybe they are expecting you to do it all along and there is a communication problem? I don't know what hours you work. I would just casually mention that sometimes the kids get really muddy playing and would it be okay to give them a bath. I would assume that they have checked your background, etc, so they obviously trust you with their kids. They might be very thankful that you are offering

When I was a Nanny I was asked to bath my Nannette any time I felt it was needed- like play related gunkiness, or just whenver my boss mentioned that she did not have time, could I do it, etc. The tub was big enough that I could sit comfortably on the edge with my feet in and she would play and romp in the suds. My boss's favorite story was the time that I accidentally fell in the tub The drain was in an awkward place so I had to walk over to it to let the water out. I tripped on a bath toy and landed in the tub, clothes and all For months afterwards Nannette told everyone- the librarian, the Kindermusik teacher, the waitress at Bob Evans- that Jaime fell in the tubby and made a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG splash

But anyway, ask them if it is okay, and then bath away. I feel bad for the little ones if they are itchy and uncomfortable
post #31 of 64
I have HUGE guilt about this. I wish anything that my nanny would do one day of bathing here.

My girls get a bath every other day. And if something comes up and DH doesnt come home from work until 9 pm - they dont get the bath. (Will be much easier once the baby is a little more independent).

Granted my girls arent dirty. They get clean clothes every day, teeth brushed, hands/faced washed etc..

Our nanny does so much for us - I dont want to add more thing. I think most parents would be grateful for the extra help.
post #32 of 64
i am more concerned about their overall care...their beh and hygiene is sketchy.imho
post #33 of 64
Hmm..I know DS doesn't bathe much, a couple times a week (unless he gets really dirty) and shampoo/soap only once a week (unless he gets food in his hair), but, he is always clean...and I would feel really uncomfortable if his DCP saw him dirty. It does sound weird that the children would be soooooo dirty, you know? I think when DS started solids we bathed him almost everyday because he got so much food all over.

Hopefully, the parents are not being neglectful, and are just overwhelmed and not able to keep up with it (it really makes me wonder though...I mean, it takes a long time for a child to "smell.") Right now DS's DCP will bathe him if he gets very dirty during the day, or poops all over himself etc. I think if I had a nanny I would only expect that, but, if she asked if it would "make things easier" for me if she bathed him I would be cool with it (it would make my day lol, bathing is the last thing we want to do late at night when we are all tired and cranky)...if she didn't ask it would weird me out...and I think you might word it delicately. The swimming pool idea is a good one too lol.
post #34 of 64
Thread Starter 
I would like to clarify that I do wipe the children with wet washcloths after meals. The babys hair still looks greasy, though, as water by itself doesn't seem to do the job. Also, I do put them in clean clothes and underwear every morning, and have them brush their teeth in the morning as well...and they are wearing the clothes I put on them the next day.

To the posters that brought up neglect. See, I am having a hard time with this, because it does concern me. It's not the not getting baths--its the overall lack of hygiene. The two in diapers do get rashy often. There are many times that they have extremely full diapers when I get there. I always change them first thing, and I think the mom noticed, because when she's the one there in the morning they are almost always changed now. Once, when I missed a day of work, I came back the next day after they'd been with one parent the day before, and the little one had a rash so bad she was bleeding They are also fed complete junk food...no fruits, veggies, whole grains, not enough protein. I wouldn't say the house is 'dirty' as in mold or anything, but they allow the kids walk around with food and drinks (including the 2 year old who dumps his food and cup on the floor for fun) and so there's always crumbs, the floor is sticky, etc. When I tried to ask the older kids to stay at the table with food, their oldest brother (teenager), then later their mom, told me in front of the older two that it didn't matter and to let them. I won't walk around without shoes on because of this. I know that they love their kids...the mom is extremely attentive, but I don't think she gets much help from dad, and honestly these kids are a HUGE handful. My first few weeks were horrible. Now that I have a sort of loose routine down with them, things are so much easier, and their parents marvel when they come home and find their children are napping. They have told me, "We don't know how you do it. Our house is never this quiet when we are here." So I think it may be that they are just really overwhelmed, not like they are purposefully neglecting their kids. I am not sure if either of them bathe regularly...I am not usually close enough to tell.

I don't know if they expect it from me, but I work 7-4 usually, so it's not like evening hours where I would assume I'd give baths...I've never had a parent expect me to bathe kids, although I've had a few that asked and I didn't have a problem with it. These parents told me they don't even care if I do the dishes we dirty or not, don't care how much tv the kids watch, don't care where I take them or what I do with them...so I just don't see them assuming I would bathe the kids.
post #35 of 64
Don't care, don't care, don't care.

Okay I understand people have different sets of values and rules, some are more lax than others. But the whole picture overall concerns me.

I wonder if there are any parenting pamphlets or booklets that can be picked up and brought home and left around from the library or a child resource centre nearby. I wonder if the parents would be receptive to the information.

I wonder if any adults in their lives have noticed. Teenagers? They must go to school and perhaps it's noticed.

I wonder if you said to the parents, "I noticed that Baby has a bleeding rash, poor little thing. Do we have any zinc cream [or whatever] that we can put on it? Have you thought about taking him/her to the doctor?" You know, like assume they give a care, or highlight to them that HINT HINT this is important.

Weird. It's awkward because you're the nanny. But those children require better care from their parents.
post #36 of 64
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Surfacing View Post
Don't care, don't care, don't care.

Okay I understand people have different sets of values and rules, some are more lax than others. But the whole picture overall concerns me.

I wonder if there are any parenting pamphlets or booklets that can be picked up and brought home and left around from the library or a child resource centre nearby. I wonder if the parents would be receptive to the information.

I wonder if any adults in their lives have noticed. Teenagers? They must go to school and perhaps it's noticed.

I wonder if you said to the parents, "I noticed that Baby has a bleeding rash, poor little thing. Do we have any zinc cream [or whatever] that we can put on it? Have you thought about taking him/her to the doctor?" You know, like assume they give a care, or highlight to them that HINT HINT this is important.

Weird. It's awkward because you're the nanny. But those children require better care from their parents.
I did ask them for diaper cream, and they gave it to me, but they never used it themselves when they changed her! You know how you can see the residue from it on the diaper--I never saw any. I also watched mom change her a few times and never put any on it. I used the entire tube that week to try to get rid of the rash, and now it's gone. I told mom it was gone, because the 2 yr old gets rashy too, and she was like, "Oh, I need to buy more I guess..."

The teenager takes pretty good care of himself so I don't think it's noticed. Sometimes I wonder if the reason they have a nanny instead of sending them to daycare is so they DONT have to bathe them/change their clothes/etc....

It's so sad and makes me feel like I *should* do something. At the same time, having been personally in contact with two children in two different situations who really WERE being neglected by their parents, and seen how much the system is failing those children...I really don't want to get CPS called on parents who do at least do the bare minimum with their kids, and who do really care about them. Since I don't have any kids yet myself, I wouldn't know how to approach the situation with educating them. They aren't young and stupid...they are 30 and 35 years old, and already raised a 14 year old in addition to the 9 mo, 2 yr, and 4 yr old. I think they think they've got it figured out...

Thanks for all of the advice everyone.
post #37 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Am I the only one whose kids get irregular baths? I try to bathe them once or twice a week. However, if they have food on them, they wash their face and hands with a washcloth, and as infants the did get bathed more.

Why are you not washing them with a washcloth after meals?

If we had a nanny, I'd be fine with her giving them a bath. Dd does need a bath more often than she gets it sometimes, and it's just plain hard to fit it in some nights.

I'm in the same boat. DD (11 months) usually only bathes 1-2 times per week. I do wash her hands and feet in the sink several times per day and wash her face with a washcloth.

I second asking permission. In our situation DD hates baths and screams, crys, etc through the whole thing. I have found the only way I can clean her is in the shower. DD is too young to shower unassisted and I donn't know how I would feel with someone outside our family showering with her. All I'm saying is there may be some reasons.
post #38 of 64
I bathe the kids I take care of all the time! No parent has ever responded negatively -- they're usually grateful! For some reason they see a bath as a lot of work, I see it as a fun play time for the kids that I don't have to be chasing them around.

I say go for it!
post #39 of 64
they are missing out on the fun part, 3 clean little ones fresh from the bath in their pj's

Seriously, they are lucky to have you. It sounds like the parents are doing the bare minimum and that it doesn't officially qualify as neglect. But *to me* it is neglect.

And IMO the kids probably wouldn't be such a handful if they were better cared for, with a more predictable routine, without the endless TV, eating food randomly around the house, living in a messy environment, etc
post #40 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Am I the only one whose kids get irregular baths? I try to bathe them once or twice a week. However, if they have food on them, they wash their face and hands with a washcloth
You are not the only one!

and I would be way weirded out if my nanny gave my child a bath!
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