WWYD? Please help - Page 2

[stealthmode]

Though I'm not yet a parent myself, I wanted to add to this conversation a bit.

I have a 12-year-old brother. He is quite intelligent and computer-savvy. Of course some exploration is totally normal, but about a year ago, my husband got on my brother's computer to check his email, and the address bar popped open with a bunch of sites on it that were quite disturbing.

Basically, my brother was looking up anime-type porn, which in my mind is almost worse than the "real" thing, because there are some pretty sick and twisted cartoon drawings out there. I'm a very open-minded person, but there are some things a young boy--or any person, for that matter--just should not see. Things that are illegal in real life.

My parents allow my brother to have a computer in his room, and though my dad is also very tech-savvy and has installed filters on the computer, it's obvious that there are many things that get past those filters.

We did let my dad know that he might want to check out my brother's computer, but I have no idea if he did or what came of it. My parents are not very open about sex, something I plan to improve upon when we have kids of our own. Still, it made me realize how strongly I disagree with letting a child have a computer in his or her room.

[LionessMom]

yes install a filter. my DS just did this last year. at 12 he has been alone a thome sometimes, nearing 14 even more. i have a filter. he was mighty embarassed about it b/c he gave our PC an STD. it totally came from the porn site. he wasnt looking at anything too racy but they were naked. lol. i explained that it is natural to want to look. however i dont feel porn is a good place to learn about it as it is not like real life at all. even DH wont look up that stuff b/c he gave our pc an STD too. it took me 6 hours on the phone with tech support to get it fixed. they were red faced about it and i complained about it for days (the virus not the porn).

[kcparker]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I'd also help him locate appropriate websites- like the "normal breast gallery" (anybody have the link?), medical-type sites about sex and the human body, etc.

That's the 007 Breasts site.

Here's a link to the Normal Breasts Gallery.

The Shape of a Mother is also nice for showing real women's bodies.

Also, I am a huge fan of academic nude paintings and Renaissance masters' figure studies. Looking at historical representations of women's bodies can show both what 'normal' women look like (as opposed to pornified women's bodies) and that tastes and fashions change. Ruebens' women are all saftig and pillowy, while Michelangelo's figures are muscled and strong, and Manet's Olympia is this beautifully compact, sturdy model Victorine Meurant (sp?).

Anyway, all this should be accompanied by discussions about the objectification of women, respect for self and others and our bodies, media literacy, and all the other social/ethical/moral/reproductive/health issues that come along with budding sexuality. Fun stuff. Probably looking at real women without bras with your son would be a pretty mortifying experience for him...mine is only 20 months old, so he still gets to see real, live boobies every day. Good luck. Navigating contemporary visual culture and sexuality is tough going.

[kristi96]

I want to say thank you for all the input. I sat down with my DS and had a nice long talk. I explained the risks of computer viruses. I also told him that what he sees on the internet isn't always how sex is with someone you love. I told him those people are paid to do those things. I don't want him thinking that his first time having sex is going to be like a porn movie. I told him its ok to be curious about this kind of stuff but watching online porn isn't the way.

DH says we need to give him a Playboy but I'm not sure thats the answer. Also the computer is in my office and I can't move it to a more public place. I have to have that desktop in my office.

[writteninkursive]

I find it a little odd at how much emphasis is being put on viruses here. I mean, computers are fixable and viruses are everywhere, not just in porn. If you fileshare at all, you're probably downloading viruses. Is the problem really lying in the potential for a virus?
I personally feel the emphasis should be on the boy looking for porn. It's totally natural, but I absolutely agree that it can bring about bad things. I love what phrogger said! Discovering your sexuality can be such an amazing experience, and what a waste to fill your mind with crappy porn instead of the real thing! My DP was single for 6 years between the ages of 19 - 25, and once we started having a sexual relationship, he had some serious problems stemming as a result of his porn-addicted 6 year stint. I can hardly blame him for looking at porn during his 6-years of not having sex, but it took a lot for him to get past it and be able to just function normally in a normal relationship. He couldn't even reach climax at that point. We've come a long way, and we are expecting a baby boy in August. I put a lot of pressure on DP to share his personal experiences and feelings about porn with our son once he exhibits signs of being ready, and I think it's great to ban it from the home.