Fight or flight and "The bigger person" - Page 5

[hipumpkins]

Thank you everyone for being outraged on my behalf. I really appreciate the feedback.
I just finshed talking to Dh and I said I will not spend another holiday in thier home nor will my children.
I told him I stayed out of guilt b/c MIL did work hard on Easter; Putting together and egg huint and baskets and a beautiful dinner for everyone.
I said I will not be trapped by guilt anymore.
From now on all holidays are here..they can come or not as they see fit.

The kids may have picked up on some stress going on (although I really don't think so b/c my Dd stresses and shows it very easily so if she were feeling any angst I would know it and see it in her behavior immediately)
The entire conversation took place outside while the kids were in..DD saw me crying and asked why and I told her that I was telling grammy about the sad story we heard in church that morning.

This Thursday visit is canceled, as well.

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by jeminijad

Threadjacked, much?

[hipumpkins]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Right, look at solutions for the future...good point. Have you read "Toxic Inlaws?" Maybe you should bring it to read next time your forced to hang out with them.LOL

I have read the book..LOVE it and always recommend it. I love the idea of me just sitting casually reading it in front of them. Thanks for the laugh!

[Fuamami]

Have you read "The Dance of Anger"?

It might give you some good ideas for dealing with him. It's by Harriet Lerner, she also wrote "The Dance of Intimacy, might also have some good ideas.

[candipooh]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

Thank you everyone for being outraged on my behalf. I really appreciate the feedback.
I just finshed talking to Dh and I said I will not spend another holiday in thier home nor will my children.
I told him I stayed out of guilt b/c MIL did work hard on Easter; Putting together and egg huint and baskets and a beautiful dinner for everyone.
I said I will not be trapped by guilt anymore.
From now on all holidays are here..they can come or not as they see fit.

The kids may have picked up on some stress going on (although I really don't think so b/c my Dd stresses and shows it very easily so if she were feeling any angst I would know it and see it in her behavior immediately)
The entire conversation took place outside while the kids were in..DD saw me crying and asked why and I told her that I was telling grammy about the sad story we heard in church that morning.

This Thursday visit is canceled, as well.

: I love the update. I am so glad that you DP is backing you up. (not because he has a penis but because he is your partner and your love )

If they do choose to come over to your house just make sure that they are never alone with your children. Because I know those types of people will take every chance they get to slam you.
For example "your mom is too selfish to let you come over any more"

Good job and good luck for the future.


(psst My children do not miss their toxic grandmother at all. They sometimes wonder "why doesn't Abuela like you?" But they have never really missed her.)


eta: I have to warn you that things most likely will get worse but eventually they will get better. So hang on tight, buckle you seat belts it is gonna be a bumpy ride. (but at the end of the ride you get a lolly-pop,lol)

[Jessy1019]

First, I'm so, so sorry that this was the sort of holiday you ended up having. Your "F"IL is a UAV, and neither you nor the kids deserve to be around that.

You know if I were you, neither of those people would be seeing my kids, let alone calling them "grandma" and "grandpa." You have no obligation to keep them in your lives. If your husband wants to see them, he can do it alone, without subjecting you and the kids to whatever they might throw your way.

I'm glad he is backing you up at least, and won't be bringing them this Thursday. I hope you can get him to cease Thursday visits altogether.

What a rotten situation . . . I'm glad you have something to look forward to at the end of this week!!

[chaoticzenmom]

Jessy, you might want to edit your post before it gets pulled. Namecalling is against the uA, even when it's true