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noticed people aren't really happy for us? - Page 2

post #21 of 40
"As for the stupid breeder bit. Google "demographic winter" & "population myth". That junk is based on the incorrect theory of Thomas Malthus (You can also look up "Malthusian economics". That was popularized by a book in the mid 60's that Al Gore is/was a huge fan of. Unfortunately Mr Gore and others who have read the book did not do their homework to learn that it is based on faulty and non-factual premises."

so true.

And the whipped cream and sleeping kids comment was great. Now I just hope I am able to use it on someone!

Congratulations on your upcoming arrival. Every child is a blessing.
post #22 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewaggonerfamily View Post
And when I am asked "Do you know what causes it?" My answer is "Whipped cream and sleeping kids!" DH who works in a prison, usually answers "Whipped cream and handcuffs!" Usually stops the rude comments in their tracks. Either it makes them laugh or it makes them embarrased. But either way, they realize that they probably shouldn't be asking about my sex life!
I love this!!!

It's no one's business but yours. If I only want 1 or 2 or 20, it's between me and my DH.
post #23 of 40
Thread Starter 
Thanks Ladies! I also wanted to add thanks for all the links as well. I'm just now getting a chance to read through them all.

For those of you who've seen Demographic Winter is it worth purchasing?
post #24 of 40
Yesterday we had Easter dinner with both sides of DH's family. NO ONE even said "congrats" to us. They asked about my due date, but that was about it. I couldn't believe it!
post #25 of 40
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaprek View Post
Yesterday we had Easter dinner with both sides of DH's family. NO ONE even said "congrats" to us. They asked about my due date, but that was about it. I couldn't believe it!
Yup I've gotten that one and "I guess you gotta deal with it and try to do the best". NICE!
post #26 of 40
I've just found out that I'm expecting #5 and DH and I are wondering how long we can NOT say anything without offending for that very reason.

I come from a large family (I have 27 first cousins) so, on my side at least, having lots of children is perfectly normal in fact they were begining to wonder when the next one was going to come along). However DH's family is very VERY 2.4 family suburban mainstream so the idea of a third would seem reckless. They sort of understood why we had a second pregnancy and then again with the third as the second didn't last but now that we have DD, the gloves will be off.

I'm worried enough without having to listen to a melodramatic MIL delaring (again) how she will have to sell the house so she can buy us a more appropriate home and buy us all the things we need because we will never be able to afford them ourselves. In the 19yrs I've known her she has needed to sell the house at least six times but never have, we don't need to move because we like our little house and we don't need to buy anything new because I like using a sling instead of a buggy plus our bed instead of a cot.

I get really mad when people assume that anyone who has more than two children (or in our case more than 0 children) is automatically irresponsible. We would never have a baby unles we knew that we could raise it well adn afford it properly. We're not idiots just very very tired!
post #27 of 40
I shouldn't think this way, either, I know, but I'm of the opposite mind...when I see moms who CHOOSE to only have 1 or 2 kids (not necessity, but choice) I always feel sorry for their kids. I'm from a family of 6 kids, and DH is from a family of 10 kids, and I believe firmly that the more, the merrier! I would LOVE to have a lot of kids, myself. But DH is older, and would like to have no more than 4. oh well.

But I agree with all you mamas. If someone was judging me for having more than 2 kids, I'd say ... WTH? It's none of your business! 3 or 4 kids is not a big family, in my mind. It's just an average, nice size!
post #28 of 40
I got it with #2... Everyone assumed that since my #1 was only 2, I couldn't possibly have planned it. I got the "what are you going to do about it?" questions and the "oh no" and "well, if you don't want to keep it, I'll take it!" like 2 was too many!! Even my motherinlaw asked me to get my tubes fixed! With #3, I had family members not speaking to me...and #4 everyone is assuming I'm severely broke, severely tired, and telling me I need to "tie it off" or "fix him"... I don't know of anyone that has been thrilled for us. Sad sad.
post #29 of 40
It is so sad reading everyone's horrible experience. I am not surprised but it is still so sad. It does help to hear other's going through the same thing. I am just ready to disown dh's side of the family. I guess you get a thicker skin as you go- maybe by #5 or 6 I'll be tougher.
post #30 of 40
We haven't told anyone yet partially because this was a surprise, and we aren't sure what type of reactions we are going to get either. Congrats to you, and don't feel the need to explain yourselves to anyone!
post #31 of 40
Congratulations! : I want to say that I had my third child in three years - she is 13 weeks old. I just started back at work and I get from everyone, "Is that it?" I find myself constantly saying, "Uh, no, but we're definitely going to wait a little longer for the next..." I spoke to DH about it this morning and next time somebody asks, I'm going to say, "Well, we haven't outgrown our house yet."
post #32 of 40
Its so weird because I have noticed it too.....we are pregnant with twins and instead of the normal response I would think I would be getting people are usually giving me a smirk or a sigh and saying something like "at least it isnt 3"....i find this totally rude. We have a daughter that is 7 months old so yes she is young and to add twins to the mix will be pretty crazy but its our lives. Its not like we are the old women in the shoe or whatever.....urrgghh must be my horomones coming out again!!
post #33 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mama View Post
It is so sad reading everyone's horrible experience. I am not surprised but it is still so sad. It does help to hear other's going through the same thing. I am just ready to disown dh's side of the family. I guess you get a thicker skin as you go- maybe by #5 or 6 I'll be tougher.
I don't know about a thicker skin, but I think you learn to laugh about it. Because if you didn't laugh you'd cry at the ignorance out there. Besides, we are doing our part to outnumber the stupid people!
post #34 of 40
Popping in from the oct ddc. I just had to respond to this post. It frustrates me so much when people act as though any children more than 2 is too much. Getting pg is very expensive and difficult for dh and I, so 2 will probably be it for us. BUT, I would never dream of making someone feel that they should not be happy because they were having more than 2 children. It's almost that they feel like you are less of a parent to 4 children than 2, which is so hypocritical and judgemental. I guess I always try to think along the lines of.....who's to say the next child isn't going to be the child that grows up to cure cancer or world hunger? Hang in there and know there are lots of us who are excited for you::
post #35 of 40
i think it is inappropriate for anyone not directly invoved to express any opinion other then a good one!!

fwiw i was 20 (well 19.. but three days before my bday) when i found out i was pregnant. i got one congratulations the whole time it was from a friend of my moms... really a family friend who has known me most of my life (and who has 4 children)...i used to baby sit for her three and then later 4 kids. she wrote me a letter saying congratulations and that every new life is a joyous event worthy of celebration and that she knew i would be a wonderful mother. they adopted all of their kids i wonder if people show the same disdain when people adopt more then 2 or 3 kids
post #36 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by starc View Post
For those of you who've seen Demographic Winter is it worth purchasing?
I liked it but see if your library has it before you purchase it. I can't say I agree with it 100% but overall it was very good. Here's a link to a trailer on youtube:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG2IZEzUmA0
post #37 of 40
yeah i was not looking forward to telling my parents about this newbie--they thought i was crazy to have a second, and then after i got divorced, OMG how dare i get remarried let alone have another kid--and we're so financially irresponsible, blah blah.....and now this one too?!?

luckily i have very supportive friends tho--even if they do think i'm crazy, they also clamored to say CONGRATS as soon as i posted the news on myspace
post #38 of 40
I'm so sorry. I haven't really told very many people yet, but the people I have told all seem excited. My brother and his wife just had their 4th, and I am through the roof with excitement over her arrival.
post #39 of 40

I'm there with ya!

I'm PG with #4 and we won't tell my mother at all--she'll just have to notice either the bump or a baby, whichever happens first (she lives about an hour away but only manages to come see the kids for a few hours on holidays that involve food!)--and same with my MIL and BIL who live about 2 hours away.

My mother is the most negative person EVER about my pregnancies--and considering she has never babysat (my friend stayed overnight with the kids and we got to go for dinner and to a hotel and a tattoo artist for our 12th anniversary--the first time for all of that in 9+ years) or helped monetarily or anything else--it's really none of her freaking business. She was rude about #3 "tell me you're joking, another one?" and will I'm sure be rude about this one. She was rude about the two I lost (miscarriage and ectopic)--"You really didn't need another baby anyway" also.

BTW, our #1 is a girl and #2 is a boy--in many people's eyes that means we should have stopped at 2! My favorite comment when my friend (who has 3 girls) and I were pg with #3--to her from our mutual ex-boss, "well, I guess I understand, you want a boy--but why is she pregnant again when she already has one of each?" !

I have one wonderful friend who is always positive--she actually got a little irritated at me for NOT telling her about #3 until I told everyone else (until I was showing, as late as possible)--because "you should know I'll be happy for you"--so I told her first this time around--she is adamant about throwing me another shower (of course we really don't need anything except money, time, and a good babysitter!) and I've told her to please throw me a party instead and if people want to spend $ on baby stuff we can donate it to charity, or they can donate the $ to our nonprofit animal rescue group. (isn't that awesome that she's that happy for us?!).

But other than her, everyone else is pretty negative or neutral at best. I can't imagine how my friends with 5-7 babies deal with the negativity!

-lava
post #40 of 40
Not that it matters all that much, but DH is employed, had a very stable job, with insurance, we have no debt except our house...obviously, it's fine that we have three kids and another on the way. It's not like we live in a cardboard box under a bridge...anyway, my lovely father, whom I see once a year, told me "Well, I guess it's too late to do anything about it now" when we told him about #4. And what, pray tell, would he suggest that we "do" about the baby?

Sure, this baby wasn't planned, but then who plans these types of things anyway? We've always wanted four kids, maybe not this close, but there ya go...and last time I checked, it's ok for two people who both want another child and are able to ably provide for that child to go ahead and have one.

I have been super-reluctant about telling people this time, although most everyone at my church is very excited...one girl, who just had her fourth, was incredibly negative and told me "you do not know what you are doing, you do not understand the hell, of having a fourth." I felt like punching her. Ya know what? I haven't known what I was doing for years and years and years...why should having a fourth baby be any different?????
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