Would This Offend You? - Page 2

[Siera]

they're kids! I don't see what the dad had a problem with.

[number572]

I wouldn't be offended. Then again, I have almost 20 yrs of defending my veg ways of eating! So, I'm pretty prepared when it comes to food choice commentary.

This topic made me remember that I DID chew on the chicken bones as a kid!! I also broke them open & ate the marrow & also ate those little organs that are right inside the chicken back... liver or kidney maybe? They have the texture of a tiny brain. It wasn't something they sell separately (like the gizzard & heart side dishes) but more of an organ that you had to kind of dig out from the backbone. Ew.

[vegemamato]

Originally Posted by number572

I wouldn't be offended. Then again, I have almost 20 yrs of defending my veg ways of eating! So, I'm pretty prepared when it comes to food choice commentary.

This topic made me remember that I DID chew on the chicken bones as a kid!! I also broke them open & ate the marrow & also ate those little organs that are right inside the chicken back... liver or kidney maybe? They have the texture of a tiny brain. It wasn't something they sell separately (like the gizzard & heart side dishes) but more of an organ that you had to kind of dig out from the backbone. Ew.

ohh, you made me shiver.... haha, memories, huh? (I *loved* the skin when I was a kid..)

[MonAmiBella]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

Interesting. I'm a meat eater. My whole family are meat eaters. I honestly can't imagine being offended by a conversation like this between two kids.

My kids have been on the receiving end of conversations like this, so I have different feelings about this kind of stuff. I've seen how something innocently asked can hurt feelings or make someone feel like they're in the wrong.

My middle child is very sensitive and has come home in tears more than once because of an off-handed comment someone made that she really took to heart.

I also grew up with hyper-militant vegetarians and have some not so fond memories of it. So my reaction has a lot to do with personal experience.

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

Hmmm.

While I agree that it doesn't sounds like your kid meant anything by it...

I am not so sure that in the dad's home that he isn't being lectured about eating habits. It doesn't sound as if he is all that pleased at being suddenly in a "vegetarian" home.

When people feel put upon they often become hypersensitive about that subject.

And frankly, new converts to ANYTHING (eating styles, parenting styles, religion, politics, whatever) can be so freakin' obnoxious when they first start out.

Perhaps he's been on the receiving end of a lot of stuff at home, and that was just the last straw.

So I would cut the dad some slack, unless he was directly rude to your daughter or something.

There was a time in my life when I had a well meaning favorite relative CONSTANTLY badgering me about religion. Not in a mean way, but constantly saying how it was better, how she worried about my spiritual health, always sending me articles, books, ect...well, in the middle of that I stumbled upon a really innocent discussion between my daughter and one of her friends, and had to leave the room to go cry into my pillow for awhile. I was so sensitive to what I felt was constant badgering and belittling of my choices, to hear similar words (even though they were not in the tone or intention) come out of yet another person was just...something that cut.

So espcially with people new to the lifestyle, especially if it wasn't particularly their first choice...I'd cut them some slack too.

:

[AVeryGoodYear]

Um, no, I wouldn't be offended; kids are random little creatures

[mamarootoo]

i might be slightly offended if one of *my* peers said this to me... but they're kids!

the other dad seems a little... offend-able.

[lilyka]

it soundedx to me like your dd thought it might be cool if you were eating meat to really chew on the bone . . . .

and that conversation made me LOL

[Learning_Mum]

I can see how he might see it as your DD likening his son to a dog, which lets face it, is never meant as a compliment. BUT, the whole "I would if I were you" completely takes away from that because your DD is obviously saying that it would be good!

I do wonder why your vegan daughter likes the thought of chewing on a chicken bone though.

[Sierra]

Did he forget she's a kid?

That was my initial thought, anyway, which seems to be the inital thought of others too.

Originally Posted by momtokea

I don't see anything offensive in it.
Theoretically, I'm a grown-up. I usually don't take offense by something that an 8yo and 6yo have said

Originally Posted by Phantaja

Just a couple of kids having a wierd conversation. Lots of kids have wierd conversations. Am I missing something?

Then I thought that on top of him seeming to have forgotten not to see kids through an adult lens, it seemed he sort of missed the tone of the conversation (as you described it anyway):

Originally Posted by Lisa1970

Considering so many young children would like to BE dogs and love dogs, I don't think a dog reference is a negative thing at all.

Originally Posted by Learning_Mum

I can see how he might see it as your DD likening his son to a dog, which lets face it, is never meant as a compliment. BUT, the whole "I would if I were you" completely takes away from that because your DD is obviously saying that it would be good!

I grew up as a vegetarian. Having never experienced consumption of meat before, I didn't know a lot of things about eating meat. I didn't know how to tell the difference between meats by looking at them (when I was a teenager I finally got a job in food service and quickly was instructed about what ham and what turkey look like, for example). I didn't know that a "cheeseburger" wasn't made out of cheese, but rather was a burger with cheese (that got me in to trouble once when I tried to buy a "hot lunch" at school). I didn't know what parts of an animal people eat and what they would do with bones. Watching my dog with bones might have been my only frame of reference for what happens to bones.

I think it is a perfectly legitimate question, and it makes total sense that she wouldn't know what meat eaters do with bones. (I also reject the notion that this has some underlying meaning beyond a genuine question.)

I also think that part of being a kid is learning to relate in a world of folks with all kinds of different backgrounds and experiences.

Originally Posted by MonAmiBella

My kids have been on the receiving end of conversations like this, so I have different feelings about this kind of stuff. I've seen how something innocently asked can hurt feelings or make someone feel like they're in the wrong.

My middle child is very sensitive and has come home in tears more than once because of an off-handed comment someone made that she really took to heart.

I don't know how a kid-- who may not even remember her experiences with meat-- could possibly figure that asking about bones using one of probably very few references she has would be offensive or rude to another child. It's just not in her realm of experience.

Both kids might be able to learn something from the experience, but both kids probably did. The learning doesn't have to be adult-imposed and adults don't need to intervene unless the *kids* feelings (not the adults) get hurt.

I agree with the pp who speculated that perhaps this guy was feeling resentful of the family changes in dietary habits and thus was overly sensitive to the conversation...his response was likely way more about him than the kids.

[Viola]

I think the father has some other issues around the topic that he is projecting onto the kids; or perhaps just extrapolating from their conversation. He needs to be a little more mature about it. This sounds like a typical conversation between children. Children can be very interesting in how they view the world and how they structure their sentences, and it can often offer a fresh perspective for adults. I don't think he should impose the values and world view of an adult onto a children's conversation.

[Belia]

I don't think that an adult should get offended by ANYTHING a child says.

They're kids. They're learning how to relate to others. If a child ever said anything that rubbed me the wrong way, I would simply see it as a child who is still learning and, depending on the situation, perhaps an opportunity for me to provide a little education.

The word "offended" implies hurt feelings or intent or something that I think is laying too much responsibility on a child.

[Stephenie]

Originally Posted by Belia

I don't think that an adult should get offended by ANYTHING a child says.

This. She's a child. She's not used to eating meat...she had questions so she asked them. I can't see being offended by that or anything that comes from such an innocent place.

I thought her perspective was cute.

[meemee]

welcome to the world of eavesdropping in children's conversation.

gosh if anything that comment made me realise they were still such sweet innocent kids. plus if P got offended its a different thing. kids have their own 'language'.

gosh that dad would be blowing a gasket if he heard the kind of convo and games my dd comes up with. two years ago at a whole earth festival at that, my dd and a long haired little boy were playing cannibals. he was chasing her to cut her into little pieces and boil her. : the game was her suggestion and the mom and i laughed over where do they get these ideas. of course they didnt use the word cannibalism but neither were they pretending to be any animals. totally cracks us up to this day.

[notneb]

I agree with some of the other posters that the conversation between your dd and her friend was not inherantly offensive, but that vegetarianism must be a very sensitive subject for your friend's DP. I imagine that either he and your friend have been experiencing conflict over her decision to stop cooking meat in their home, or he has felt attacked for eating meat, either at his home, your home, or elsewhere. It shouldn't really have bothered him -they're just kids, and I'm sure your dd meant well- but I suppose we all have hot button topics about which we are not perfectly rational.

[ambersrose]

Not offensive in any way to me

[mistymama]

Sounds like he's hyper sensitive about the subject - totally not your dd's fault.

FWIW, I think many meat eaters do knaw on bones .. what do you think eating a chicken wing is doing? And I love a good chicken wing!

[aua(TM)?lait]

Originally Posted by vegemamato

K: you eat chicken, right?
P: yeah! I like chicken!
silence
K: when you're done eating it, do you chew on the bone like a dog? (serious, not joking)
P: no...
K: I would if I were you..

Originally Posted by MonAmiBella

I would certainly be unhappy if they equated vegetarian/vegan to that of a woodland creature and stated it as such to someone.

What is offensive about being compared to a woodland creature, whether it be herbivore, carnivore, or omnivore?