This is a hard one for me right now. I was just divorced. My ex has moved in with his girlfriend, whom he impregnated while we were married... on my birthday. She is due a year before WE had planned to have our next.
I am in my 3rd year of school, and had planned to finish and then get pregnant. Now that I am single again, I know it is a time to focus on my education, stay the course, and once I'm finished, build my practice.
I had a total breakdown the other day realizing that dd might be it, for me. I have been mourning the loss of that 2nd child with the man I loved... the spirit that was around me, the spirit of the child I would have had, is no longer with me... I feel that spirit's absence. And on the heels of that mourning, I was struck by realizing that if I am true to my course, there may be no other children because I'll be 34 this year, and won't be free of school for at least 6 years... If I just plough through.
We had planned that I'd take a break between Master's and Doctorate for the next baby... Now it just isn't in the cards to take that break... but not taking that break means committing to the path ahead. I feel strongly that it's important to give all of my love to my child and myself, and keep my nose to the grind stone, vs getting caught up in trying to date & find someone special, cultivate a deep relationship... etc.
I'm really struggling with the idea that dd will be an only child.
I never wanted to be a single mom, and I never wanted an only child.