Who else is sad about the IDEA of being "done"? - Page 2

[Krisis]

I go back and forth. I recently had to be sterilized because I have a 60% chance of dying if I get pregnant again, which is a risk DH isn't willing to take (personally I think I'd be fine, but that's just because it's hard to kill me off.) Most of the time I am glad to be done as newborn-babyhood was very hard for me. I never really wanted to be a parent, but now that I am I'm okay with it, I just miss being non-parent sometimes, you know?

But sometimes it is VERY hard and I cry and carry on. I really wanted to have at least 2 kids (before my pregnancy we wanted 4 kids) and I feel so terrible that I wasn't able to enjoy a final pregnancy (or at least try to!) or to try to not have a preemie, or a C-section, and to try breastfeeding since it didn't work out the first time around. There's a lot of things I wish I could have done differently that I had planned on doing with #2. Now I just have to suck it up and move on with my life. And it's super hard knowing I will never have a baby girl (although if we'd had a boy I would have been happy with that too.) And knowing that I can't give DH more kids, etc etc etc.

Most of the time I'm okay, but other times it's just so hard.

[vegemamato]

Originally Posted by pauletoy

If he were completely opposed to it, he would take care of the birth control. Doesn't hurt to dream of little accident

haha, that's how I like to think of it

[sagewinna]

It looks like we are not going to have any more... It took years to conceive our 5 year old and we've not been avoiding pregnancy since she was born. I'm 40 and peri-menapausal, also, which doesn't stack the odds in our favor. We continue to be open to life but honestly I try not to dwell on it much.

It pains me a lot sometimes. I never got to the point where I felt our family is complete, that we're done, and I was hoping to feel that way at some point! I get the baby nummies so easily, and my kids long for another sibling... The grief is mellowing some with time, thankfully.

[Rosehip]

I get a bit sad. I've got two. They're fabulous. I also had an itch for 4 LOs. But I'm getting divorced. Alas. I would like to date and possibly marry again. For my and my children's sake, my top priorities in a potential BF/DH are 1. compassionate, committed husband 2. excellent stepfather. If I find someone who fits those criteria who wants children - slam dunk! If I find someone who fits them, but does not want children (or more children), I would not prioritize more children over partnership and stepfather potential.

[Amylcd]

Yes, I'm very sad about it, but in my case it is not a choice. I am physically unable to have children (I had to get my tubes removed). It's been very difficult to accept. I would have loved a 4th.

[ernalala]

Now that I see ds2 growing up so fast I often think of not being done. Emotionally, not, but rationally and practically I believe it is best for us to stick with a family of 4 (two children). I think of economical reasons like education fees (extremely high in this country, not where I grew up), private extra language class, university, I think of cost of airplane rides (my family abroad, dah's at other end of country) so much less likely to go to my country of origin and family with our children, a spacier and expensive car needed. Two very high energy children and not seeing how to deal with another baby. Dh seems absolutely done, bot rationally and emotionally. We do not exclude an accident (we are not getting invasive ant,-conception) so 3 could be possible, but not by choice. But then I fear it might take it's toll on our personal life as in possibilities for all.

Overall, I sometimes feel sad for being done but not being able to accept not becoming the mother of another baby again.

At least, ds2 is extbf and we enjoy it so much!