Marriage - Question for Catholics

[pampered_mom]

My sister is getting married next weekend. Her fiance's family is Catholic, although he is not particularly tied to the Catholic Church. It seems like when he goes it's mostly to make his mom happy. They're getting married at my parent's (and sister's) Church (non-Catholic).

Her fiance's mom is really pushing for them to meet with a priest to have their marriage "recorded" by the Catholic Church. Why would this be necessary? What would be the "consequences" in the future mil's eyes if it didn't happen? What would it entail?

TIA for your insights!

[sagewinna]

I'm Catholic. Marriage is a Sacrament to us, a covenant with God and an outward sign of His grace, like Baptism, Confirmation, etc. To have their marriage convalidated by the priest would mean it was a Sacramental marriage. Talking with a priest would give them more information. There are certain things that wouldhave to apply to them, such as being fully capable and understanding of what they were entering into, and being open to life in their marriage.

[chfriend]

Because if he doesn't receive a dispensation as to form before marrying in a non-Catholic church, he will not be able to receive communion. Here's a quick and dirty explanation:

http://home.earthlink.net/~rickpen16...ages/id22.html

If your sister is marrying a Catholic, it doesn't seem like too big a stretch to meet with a priest prior to marriage.

[Fay]

They can have their marriage convalidated by the Catholic Church if they wish.

[Tuesday]

Well my DH is from a Catholic family (but he is very lapsed in his Catholicism!) and when I married him, at that point we were in our lives, we married in a civil ceremony.

The issue you may find is if your sister has children and wants them to attend Catholic school (and take communion). The marriage will need to be blessed (convalidated?) by the parish priest, the children will then be baptized. At least this is how the priests in our area do it.

[pampered_mom]

Her finace's really more of a Catholic because his mom says so than anything he's chosen. My sister has always been clear that she has no interest in becoming Catholic or raising their children that way and her fiance has always been ok with that. It really seems like this is more of something they'd do to keep his mom happy more than anything which seems a bit disingenuous to me.

Thanks for the responses - it's a bit clearer to me what the whys are. Thanks!

[Bluegoat]

I think the main thing is it could save time and trouble later, if they should change their mind about the kind of interaction they want in the church. And he won't be able to recieve communion when he goes otherwise, which may upset his mom.

On the other hand, if he doesn't believe, I actually think it is really wrong to do any of those things. It might upset his mom, but I could never figure out why parents would prefer their kids to lie to God than accept they don't want to be part of the church.

[Diyan]

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

It really seems like this is more of something they'd do to keep his mom happy more than anything which seems a bit disingenuous to me.

I see what you mean, but consider also that honoring your father and mother is a significant part of all Bible-believing faiths. If they are upfront with the priest about the fact that they're meeting with him not because they want a Catholic marriage but because they want to honor his mother, that could be perfectly ingenuous. I suppose the priest may decide not to convalidate their marriage in that case, but at least they will have done what they truthfully can to honor his mother's wishes.

[chfriend]

[QUOTE=pampered_mom;13565035]Her finace's really more of a Catholic because his mom says so than anything he's chosen. My sister has always been clear that she has no interest in becoming Catholic or raising their children that way and her fiance has always been ok with that. QUOTE]

Meeting with the priest and recieving a dispensation as to form has nothing to do with converting or raising the children Catholic.

It has to do with the fiance maintaining his current position in Catholicism.

Does the fiance not want to meet with the priest? Or just your sister? Does you sister believe that her fiance is not really Catholic, just pleasing his mom? Or really Catholic, but trying to please her? Or agrees with her views on religion, but doesn't want to tell his mom? Or has not opinion about religion?

Does your sister object to Catholicism for her future husband?

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by Diyan

I see what you mean, but consider also that honoring your father and mother is a significant part of all Bible-believing faiths. If they are upfront with the priest about the fact that they're meeting with him not because they want a Catholic marriage but because they want to honor his mother, that could be perfectly ingenuous. I suppose the priest may decide not to convalidate their marriage in that case, but at least they will have done what they truthfully can to honor his mother's wishes.

Yes, that might be a good plan.

[pampered_mom]

Does the fiance not want to meet with the priest? Or just your sister? Does you sister believe that her fiance is not really Catholic, just pleasing his mom? Or really Catholic, but trying to please her? Or agrees with her views on religion, but doesn't want to tell his mom? Or has not opinion about religion?

Does your sister object to Catholicism for her future husband?

My sister went along to the meeting and felt ok with it because only her fiance had to sign anything. He had to agree that he was going to raise his children Catholic, baptize them in the Catholic church, etc. She felt ok with it because she didn't have to sign anything, but from everything I've read she has to agree not to "interfere" or "prevent" him from doing it in order from him to get the ok from the Bishop. She's always been clear with him that she does not want to raise their Children Catholic, convert, baptize them in the Catholic church, etc and he's always been ok with that. Which is why this is a bit of a puzzler for me.

All I know is he was fine with a wedding outside of the Catholic church and never gave it another thought....until his mom started talking to the priest. She initiated the conversation and made the appointment.

What's doubly confusing about the issue is that my sister and my parents are born-again Evangelicals. In order for the pastor to agree to perform the wedding ceremony both my sister and her husband have to be "born-again" so they are not "unequally yoked". Her fiance has expressed that he is "born-again" complete with all the typical stuff that comes with that....prefers to attend church with my sister, etc.

All of the above being why it seems a bit disingenuous from the outside.

On the other hand, if he doesn't believe, I actually think it is really wrong to do any of those things. It might upset his mom, but I could never figure out why parents would prefer their kids to lie to God than accept they don't want to be part of the church.

I would agree here completely. When it comes to one's spiritual life I think honesty with one's self and being able to whole-heartedly embrace your beliefs is far more important than keeping your parents happy.

I see what you mean, but consider also that honoring your father and mother is a significant part of all Bible-believing faiths. If they are upfront with the priest about the fact that they're meeting with him not because they want a Catholic marriage but because they want to honor his mother, that could be perfectly ingenuous. I suppose the priest may decide not to convalidate their marriage in that case, but at least they will have done what they truthfully can to honor his mother's wishes.

I have issues with this particular passage being used to justify what's going on here as well as a myriad of other issues. It seems a great many folks use this verse as a justification of all sorts of unhealthy family dynamics.

Anyway, I did get my original questions answered so I thank you for your help. These kinds of issues (and this whole wedding) have been a good reminder as to why my husband and I left paid ministry and the institutional church. I can at least better answer my mom's question, though, which is good.

[Diyan]

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

I have issues with this particular passage being used to justify what's going on here as well as a myriad of other issues.

Well, yes. If he signed something saying he would raise his children Roman Catholic when he and/or his finacee has no intention of doing so, that's very different than just meeting with the priest and honestly telling him their plans.