i did send the basket back. she took it with her when she went for her visit. i will be talking to their mom as well.
only DD lives with both parents. DS's father fell off of the face of the earth more than a year ago. he wasnt much of a parent before then anyway.
when i was a little girl, my parents were divorced and my step mom had a baby boy. i didnt even want to take my stuff over there. i knew they had their own stuff and i didnt want my baby brother being sad that i had something he didnt.
the amount of crap they bring is ridiculous. i mean DSD1's easter basket was huge and full of stuff i dont want to feed her. i am so sick of them sending candy over all the time. i dont want my kids eating candy every day. they will beg and beg if it is here. DSD1 and 2's baskets from mom house was a little better but still.
this house belongs to all my kids. and yes DSDs rub their faces in the fact that they have more parents and stuff etc. it burns DS as his father issue still stings. DD just wants there stuff and they dont want to share, so i have to listen to fighting unless i take it away.
why cant all my kids feel equal in their own home? why do my DS and DD have to feel shafted all the time b/c DSDs other parents want to spoil them.
for xmas and bday (DSDs bday are right before xmas) they brought home tons of crap. DS was sad. DD was too young but she will understand soon enough. the other parents have enough room for this crap. we buy them their own stuff for xmas. my entire family buys for every one of my kids. their family does not buy for my kids, but their kids bring home 4 times the amount my family bought. i told them last year. they can bring home one toy, and clothes. per bday etc. i dont tell them to not ever bring anything back, just limit it.
DSDs live with me. they see their mom 2x week for 6 hours each day. fri and sun.
DSD1 goes to her dad's house every weekend from fri to sun.
i have been their primary caregiver since DD was 6 weeks old.
and for the people who say my child has to live with it. i think DSDs need to live with it too. DD will get over it, if it is jept to a minimum. DSDs will get over not being able to bring every thing home.
I wonder if dsd's 'rub their faces in it' over having more parents is truly from feeling luckier. First, siblings will tease one another over something, regardless. Maybe they do it because, well, they are siblings, are togehter, and it's meaningless. Or maybe they don't truly feel blessed to have two homes. If they are just teasing, well, they are siblings. If they are truly being obnoxious, then they are hurting. Whatever the underlying reasons, what matters is your attitude and your responses as an adult. It is hard to tell on the internet, but honestly, your tone is not very loving when you describe them like this. It makes my heart sad to read.
I am trying to be gentle, but honestly, the tone of your posts makes it sound pretty hostile towards these children, and overly protective of your bio kids. Maybe that is not the case irl, but certainly, sending baskets away seems to indicate that there is a level of harshness here. Children - and adults - often latch onto gifts as security items that are reminders to them of the people that they love when they are away from them. To deny them that right to keep those people in mind, when it was not them who chose to move away from their loved one, imo lacks compassion.
Maybe you could work to try to see life from their perspective a little more. Like, imagine that your dh gave you somethign that you really treasured, but you had to go away from him for part of each week (during which time he got to live with his second wife). And when you went, you were not allowed to take your treasure, because your other family didn't think much of your dh and his 'crappy' ideas of gifts. You are passing judgment on dsd's other parents when you do this, and that, for a kid, sucks.
Sure, dsds will get over it. But is that all we want for our children, that they deal with hardships and get over it?