Originally Posted by LionessMom
just explaining. DSD1 and 2's mom lost custody per CPS. DSD2 is DH's bio. DSD1 is neither mine nor his. she has 3 homes. she gets 3 times the amount of stuff and is very very rub your face in it. she will be moving to her bio dad's house next month.
It sounds to me like her bragging is a symptom of feelings about her complex living arrangements. Poor little thing. I'd try to focus on how she must feel with this shunting around rather than worry about the material stuff or her behaviour about it.
More is not always better, and I'm sure that deep down she knows that. But the material 'stuff' probably gives her a feeling of being loved and attached. Children need attachment, and it looks to me that she is finding her attachment through material items that prove to her outwardly that she is loved. And that is sad.
Honestly, again, I'd try to examine your tone. I would never, in a million years, describe my children in that way - ie "very very rub your face in it." Not even when my kids are at their most obnoxious. It just is not very gentle or sympathetic. It would all speak volumes more if you expressed it like this:
"DSD1 has a more complex living arrangement. She's been through a lot of changes - right now she's living in three homes, and next month she moves again to her bio-dad's. The adults in her life seem to want to compensate for this difficult arrangement by buying her excess material 'stuff'. DSD1 finds it hard to handle this appropriately, and seems to latch onto this stuff as proof of her own importance and worth. This means that sometimes she brags about the amount that she has to her siblings, and at times this can come across as quite obnoxious. It sometimes makes the other kids feel resentful. I really want to help her feel secure and loved, and am unsure how to handle her bragging behavior."
What a difference that would make. If you could reframe this in your mind, I think that you could help improve your other kids' responses to dsds, and also help her in managing this very difficult, sad situation your dsd is in.