Throughout our relationship, but mostly in the five years since we've been married, my DH and I have struggled with in-law issues. My husband's immediate family members, are opposed to our relationship, have said very hurtful things about me, and do not consider me to be a part of their family.
I've prayed about this issue, read several books, and have gone to two marriage and family counselors. The advice I've received about this issue is to 'let it go,' and forgive.
Through the counseling, however, it was also suggested that I have little to no contact with the family members.
This has worked well, even though my husband's family members have now sought increased contact through emails, phone calls, and attempting to communicate with me through mediums such as Facebook, where I maintain an account to share photos of my DD with friends. Per DH and my decision, I have chosen not to respond to the communication, as it is accusatory ("Why are you online when you should be caring for dd?" or "Why did you post this photo when you haven't sent it to me?" and so forth).
My DH also still receives daily phone calls from each of the family members, emails, etc.. I find myself being angry and hurt, because part of me feels that his continued contact with them means he agrees with their comments and behavior.
Rationally, I know that he loves his family and wants to be a part of their lives, especially since we have our DD, and I know that he loves me and does not condone his family's behavior. But I still find myself grappling with extreme anger, frustration, and very hurt feelings.
How do I let go of this situation and learn to forgive?
I've prayed about this issue, read several books, and have gone to two marriage and family counselors. The advice I've received about this issue is to 'let it go,' and forgive.
Through the counseling, however, it was also suggested that I have little to no contact with the family members.
This has worked well, even though my husband's family members have now sought increased contact through emails, phone calls, and attempting to communicate with me through mediums such as Facebook, where I maintain an account to share photos of my DD with friends. Per DH and my decision, I have chosen not to respond to the communication, as it is accusatory ("Why are you online when you should be caring for dd?" or "Why did you post this photo when you haven't sent it to me?" and so forth).
My DH also still receives daily phone calls from each of the family members, emails, etc.. I find myself being angry and hurt, because part of me feels that his continued contact with them means he agrees with their comments and behavior.
Rationally, I know that he loves his family and wants to be a part of their lives, especially since we have our DD, and I know that he loves me and does not condone his family's behavior. But I still find myself grappling with extreme anger, frustration, and very hurt feelings.
How do I let go of this situation and learn to forgive?
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It's very difficult! I've found that when someone is seriously hurtful to me, the time it takes me to truly let it go and stop worrying over it every so often is about TEN YEARS. The best I can do is to let go of the kind of worrying that makes me stay up all night breaking out in hives and such--that doesn't do any good for me or the situation--and focus on being a better person overall rather than trying to be a person who will please them and/or be invulnerable to their criticism.
