Pregnant After Loss for my December mamas

[flapjack]

I bet I'm not the only person who's sitting here praying for a good dose of morning sickness to hit to feel like this pregnancy stands a chance. Who else is here and worrying, not wanting to get too attached just in case it all goes wrong again?

[umbrella]

Here! I conceived this one right after a miscarriage at 7 weeks. I was due right around Halloween, and am now due at Christmas.

There are people who don't even know about the miscarriage yet, and therefore don't know I'm pregnant Again.

I never did get much morning sickness at all with that pregnancy. I was hoping I was just lucky that time, since I had it very badly with dd1, and still pretty hard, but less so, with dd2. Now I would welcome it!

[mama2myloves]

I know how you feel.

I had a miscarriage in December and I'm simply terrified that I'm going to have another one. I'm praying for morning sickness and disappointed that I feel fine right now. I'm sure I'll eventually regret wishing for morning sickness, but right now it would really alleviate a ton of stress!

[Natalie's Mama]

This is my 5th pregnancy and WILL be my second child. With my daughter I was terrified the whole pregnancy and I refuse to do that to myself again. I'm just trying to have faith that my body will do its thing and not get worked up about symptoms, lack of symptoms, bloating, no bloating...jeez I was a mess with her. It is so scary once you know that being pregnant doesn't mean you'll have a baby, but I'm trying to throw myself into it and enjoy every day.

[MamaZoZo]

I had a miscarriage at 5weeks in early March.. and found myself pregnant again before I even completed a cycle. So I am a little aprehensive, but trying to take it positively. I am more pregnant than I was last time and the symptoms that I do have wax and wane, but over the course of a a few days I seem to average them out. I am tired, so I am relying on that meaning that a baby is growing.

[Sleepyheaded_Mama]

I suffered a 'missed' miscarriage at 10 weeks and a stillbirth at 28 weeks. I never feel like I'm 'out of the woods' anymore. There is no sigh of relief at seeing a heart beat, at 8 weeks, 13 weeks, or any other milestone. I just have to try to keep my mind occupied for 40 (+/-) weeks straight.

[flapjack]

Oh Dawn I'm sorry. With Rowan, we have the benefit of knowing almost exactly why and how she died (I was attacked and my waters broke) and it does make it easier for me knowing that that's highly unlikely to happen again. I'm still worrying though.

[thelocaldialect]

Originally Posted by Natalie's Mama

This is my 5th pregnancy and WILL be my second child. With my daughter I was terrified the whole pregnancy and I refuse to do that to myself again. I'm just trying to have faith that my body will do its thing and not get worked up about symptoms, lack of symptoms, bloating, no bloating...jeez I was a mess with her. It is so scary once you know that being pregnant doesn't mean you'll have a baby, but I'm trying to throw myself into it and enjoy every day.

I'm with you 100%. This will be my second child, 4th pregnancy. With my son I was the same way, obsessing over every little thing, convinced something was going to go wrong. I'm trying to relax more this time. I've never had strong morning sickness, in fact, my symptoms with my son were practically nonexistant, and he's here and healthy, so you never know. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes.

[flapjack]

Today I am pregnant, you mean? That really helped me last time around.

[GAmomto5]

I had a m/c in November and it seemed like it took FOREVER to get pregnant again (really only 4 cycles), but I am still doing pregnancy tests 21dpo, just to make sure that line is getting darker and darker! Crazy!!!

[thelocaldialect]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Today I am pregnant, you mean? That really helped me last time around.

Yeah, exactly that. Today I'm pregnant, I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here, and if tomorrow I'm still pregnant then there's one more day knocked off the old countdown.

I also try to keep in mind that, at least in early on, its pretty much completely out of my hands. I have no known issues, and as far as anyone can tell, my miscarriages happened due to plain old rotten luck. I guess it depends on your perspective, but I find that thought kind of comforting actually.

[nina_yyc]

s to all you mamas.

I had a m/c at 12 weeks last year. It was a blighted ovum and it's pretty low odds of that happening again, but I can't wait to hear a heartbeat at that 10 week appointment. I feel kinda dumb that I spent 3 months being pregnant last time and there never was any kind of baby.

[kcparker]

Originally Posted by flapjack

I bet I'm not the only person who's sitting here praying for a good dose of morning sickness to hit to feel like this pregnancy stands a chance. Who else is here and worrying, not wanting to get too attached just in case it all goes wrong again?

Yeah. Me. Even constant mild nausea isn't convincing, as it's not a rock-solid indicator of whether the pregnancy is healthy.

"Today, I am pregnant."

How do you KNOW this? First time around (prior to ds), I thought I was pregnant and then found out, d'oh, I'm not, haven't been for almost a month, and my body just wasn't kind enough to expel the 'products of conception' on its own. Nina_yyc, I know what you mean about feeling dumb. I feel like some kind of mild hypochondriac right now and worry that when I do go to the midwife, there will be nothing there, and I will be proven one.

I can only tell myself a) it's totally out of my hands, b) I want a HEALTHY pregnancy and strong, chromosomally normal fetus, and if this one isn't strong and healthy, it is okay for it not to hang on, c) I am way less stressed now than I was when I had the MC, so that's a point in our favor.

[mama2myloves]

Originally Posted by GAmomto5

I had a m/c in November and it seemed like it took FOREVER to get pregnant again (really only 4 cycles), but I am still doing pregnancy tests 21dpo, just to make sure that line is getting darker and darker! Crazy!!!

My midwife made me promise to stop taking home pregnancy tests and examining the intensity of the lines, lol. After I got that first + at 10 dpo, I kept testing (sometimes twice a day) just to look at the lines.

So, I know where you're coming from!

[jilly]

I had a miscarriage in Dec, and I am more nervous about this pregnancy. But I am just doing what I can -- staying relaxed and healthy and not feeling bad opting out of things or letting the boys watch one more video because I'm particularly tired, or falling asleep with them and only doing as much housework as I have energy for. Last pregnancy I was pushing myself way too hard and feeling way to stressed out.

I would be really crushed if I lost this baby as well - two lost babies in a row would seem like a message that I should be happy with two.

[Awaken]

Helen, thanks for starting this thread. I didn't know what happened to Rowan- I'm so sorry

Sleepyhead mama-

I don't know how to feel right now. This wasn't planned so it's a lot different than previous times.

I get frustrated with my body because when I have had a loss, it just doesn't let go of it and I go on 3 months thinking I'm pregnant when the baby's stopped developing long ago, and I have no idea. The first time it happened it was a very much planned for, wanted baby and it was an awful, traumatic experience where I hemmorhaged. the last time it was an unplanned pregnancy and again I went through 12 weeks coming to terms with it, growing towards acceptance, and had a much simpler m/c at home. I just wish if my body was going to do this, it would do it sooner rather than later!

So I don't even know what to think of this. I am not one for uneccessary medical treatment but I may get an u/s a few weeks in just to find out sooner.

It's hard to get used to the idea of being pregnant when I don't know if I will be beyond a few months. However, I don't have any specific issues that I know of so I know my odds are just as much as anyone else's. And when pregnancy has worked out for me, it's been wonderful.

[flapjack]

FWIW, we paid out of pocket for an ultrasound at 8 weeks with River, and I found that I was still on edge until I got clear out of the first trimester anyhow- your mileage may vary, but for me it wasn't the relief I was hoping for (Awaken, you'll remember that the biggest reason we had that u/s was because we wanted to do the head count before I miscarried just in case...) I'm having really mixed feelings right now because the fear of miscarriage and of TTC was one of the biggest reasons we decided to stop at four.

[mama2myloves]

For me, tomorrow marks the point in my pregnancy when I miscarried in December. I'm especially anxious today.

[MamaZoZo]

Originally Posted by mama2myloves

For me, tomorrow marks the point in my pregnancy when I miscarried in December. I'm especially anxious today.

[shibababy]

Count me in. This is pg #4. 2 early m/c and my 23 week neonatal demise in october makes no point safe for me in pregnancy.

I have only told 3 people who were great comforts in past losses. Thatls so hard to have to go back and retell.. I feel like they'll just think "yeah right" anyway. I'm not telling family until baby is in my arms.