Pregnant After Loss for my December mamas - Page 2

[jess_paez]

thank you for starting this, i am cautiously joining this ddc. i got a positive two days ago and i am feeling so excited. i had a 22 week loss in june, last month (march) was our 1st month trying...didn't work...but this month we decided to wait til sept and i found out i am pregnant...i seriously must have ovulated right after my period...once in a while i have a wacked cycle. most of the time they are 30-35 days apart, but i still got a bfp and i am excited to see the lines darken as i keep testing. i'm only telling online friends and some family/friends...otherwise most won't hear until i am holding my baby in my arms. shibaby is right...there is no safe point for me either. but we can still celebrate while we have them in our bellies

[flapjack]

Oh shibaby Jess I'm so glad you're both here, and I really hope things work out for you. How are you going to not tell your families, though? Are they distant? (physically, I mean...)

[shibababy]

yes, all my family is distant. they would have to hear the news over the phone. last pg I told finally @18wks just to deliver at 23 wks and have to tell family/friends that baby passed away shortly after birth. One friend had the nerve to ask me if I went to work the next day. I wanted to ask her if her son passed away, would she go to work the next day.

sadly, mostly no one knew I was 5 months pg before. The joy of being overweight. Everyone just assumes you're just getting fatter lol!

I'm already starting to "show", but I bet no one will mention it to me.

[jess_paez]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Oh shibaby Jess I'm so glad you're both here, and I really hope things work out for you. How are you going to not tell your families, though? Are they distant? (physically, I mean...)

they are distant, but i will tell a few close fam members, basically people who i know understand me and how i am feeling regarding my loss of joslyn. i'm not telling everyone on my myspace just close fam/friends who i know will support me if a loss happens again.

[ekblad9]

I miscarried twins in February. I am absolutely thrilled to be expecting again but am a nervous wreck too. Hugs and prayers to all of you brave mamas!!

I'm leary to tell people that I'm pregnant. I've told some close friends, my parents, and my three oldest children. That's it. That's more than I wanted to tell but I have a big mouth, LOL.

[Awaken]

shibababy, Jess mamas- I'm so sorry for your losses.

Helen- you're right. In my heart I know an early u/s won't mean anything. It could be fine at 8 weeks and still be gone by 12. Who knows, that may have been what happened before but I didn't know b/c I didn't get ultrasounds in those pregnancies- but funnily enough, the 2 pregs. I did get early u/s turned out great! Go figure. I also don't feel like dealing with an OB for any reason, which I 'd have to do if I got an u/s.

A thought that helps me is, we don't know if these babies will live for days, weeks, months, or be born and still not live- but why spend their lives, however long or short- worrying and being negative- as hard as it is right now I do want to celebrate my baby's life for as long as I have them, be it 6 weeks, 6 months, or years. So I'm trying to open myself to that and just be in the ~present~ and not think about what *might* happen.

[Vespertina]

Originally Posted by Sleepyheaded_Mama

I suffered a 'missed' miscarriage at 10 weeks and a stillbirth at 28 weeks. I never feel like I'm 'out of the woods' anymore. There is no sigh of relief at seeing a heart beat, at 8 weeks, 13 weeks, or any other milestone. I just have to try to keep my mind occupied for 40 (+/-) weeks straight.

Same here. I'm excited, but scared at the same time. I'm trying to appreciate every moment I have. I know it's a completely different pregnancy, but I'm still apprehensive. I'm trying to keep my spirits up. I won't get that relief until I'm holding a living breathing baby in my arms.

[gloomcookie]

I miscarried at 5.5 weeks in March and got PG the very next cycle (FET). Totally paranoid and worried, but trying to take it one day at a time. I'll be happy when I make it to the heartbeat u/s.

[ekblad9]

I have a really sensitive question and I don't know where else to ask it. I know it's irrational but it's been bugging me lately. I lost twins in February and we planned this pregnancy. I thought it would be really healing. However, amidst the worry of miscarriage I find myself very much desiring twins again. It's SOOOOOO greedy and awful. A friend of mine said (before I got pregnant this time) that I was trying to *fix* the miscarriage in a way. The thought that I am subconciously trying to replace the lost babies is really disturbing to me. Is it that I think I would be "back where I started" in a sense? It's all so odd to me. I know that I have always desired twins and was pregnant with twins with baby six but one twin was lost. IDK what is wrong with me. I know I sound terrible and I'm sorry for that. I'm probably not coming across clearly at all. Anyway, thanks for listening.

[VegMomma]

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to let you know that you don't sound terrible.

[xnwife]

Hi there. Count me in too. I have had 2 back to back miscarriages in the passed 5 months so I am just praying that this one sticks. So far, everything seems to be progressing well. I have my first ultrasound next Monday and hopefully we will see something in there and not an empty sac.

In all I have had 4 miscarriages. 1 missed miscarriage at 7 weeks before Ethan, then a chemical, then a blighted ovum and then another chemical.
I am feeling really hopeful and optomistic this time (like I did when I was pregnant with Ethan) so hopefully my intuition is correct.

I am sorry for all of your losses. We are apart of a club that no one should have to be a member of, but nonetheless here we are. I look forward to making this journey with you ladies.

Oh and I am due on Christ's birthday 12/25/2009--how awesome is that!

[flapjack]

Amy, I miscarried twins too, back in February 07. My next pregnancy ended very early, and then the one after was my youngest, River. With him, we thought about twins, and we did cry again over our missing two when we had the first ultrasound and saw only one baby on the screen: we did have to say goodbye all over again. It's not a bad thing.
I know my DH is hoping for twins this time, but there isn't a chance, I'm not sick enough. For me, I'm relieved. My mum is an identical twin, but her sister died 32 years ago and there's still such a real sense of loss when she talks about her. I don't want that for any of my kids.

[Awaken]

So, how is everyone doing?

It's hard for me to make a first appointment. Last time, I had called 2 midwives and was going to have my first appointment the next day when I miscarried. So I had to call everyone and cancel it all, sorry, I'm not pregnant after all.

So I hate to waste people's time once again by setting up appointments, telling people I'm pregnant, only to have it not work out again and have to backtrack.

Ugh. I hate not knowing how to feel. I don't know if I should be excited and making plans, cautious, or what. What makes it difficult is that for each miscarriage, the baby had stopped developing a long time ago and my body never gave me any signals, and it just hung on to it for weeks. So I'm 8 weeks now and thinking, the baby could be gone now and it could be another month or more before I have any idea, and I spent all this time thinking I'm having a baby. So, the reason I was thinking of calling the mw was to see if she could possibly pick up a heartbeat so I'd have some idea.

[nina_yyc]

I am almost 11 weeks. 1 week and 1 day and hopefully in the clear.

I have spent most of the past 12 weeks trying to locate and get into a VBAC-friendly practice since the midwives are booked solid. If this one doesn't work out, what a freaking waste of time!! I just got a second call yesterday from the referring walk-in clinic asking for more of my medical history. These calls seem to be spaced about a week apart, just to tease me that I might actually get the referral. I will be so disappointed if I finally walk in that door and they don't find a heartbeat.

I am so emotionally committed to a baby that another m/c would be devastating...I have told friends, made plans with DH for how we're going to negotiate work schedules after the baby, reread my birthing books and ordered a new one from Amazon. DH is setting up doula interviews.

Our last loss was at 11 weeks and we had told everyone. I didn't regret it because I had so much support, but if it happens again then I won't want to tell anybody next time I get pregnant and have to deal with the yuckiness of early pregnancy minus the excitement.

I don't seem to be getting that much bigger and that is kind of freaking me out right now...I know that a lot of it must be just bloat at this point because as of last week I had only gained 4 lbs. I know I shouldn't really be that big at 3 mos (last time I didn't wear maternity clothes until almost 5mos) but I'm still worried. I just want to hear that heartbeat!!

[mamatiger]

Hugs everyone. I'm just seeing this... But I'm a member of this club. I'm on my fourth official pregnancy (had one "unconfirmed") and second child if things work out. The first was a blighted ovum (11 weeks) and the second was a tubal pregnancy.

I have been so paranoid. There was spotting a few weeks ago and I was going to go in for a blood test, hopefully hear a heartbeat, maybe a us... But the office was having their crawfish boil and since it was just a little blood after sex they said to wait until Monday. Well no more problems over the weekend so I felt silly going in and said nevermind. But it's driving me crazy.

I'm totaly with y'all about the "missed misscarriages"... I just don't want to be pregnant with no baby!! And I wish I would have demanded an early us just to make sure it isn't ectopic. Could have saved some sleep not worrying what would happen if I started bleeding internally while asleep (with the added benefit of seeing that tiny heartbeat).

I'm an open person so everyone knows. In fact lots of people knew before I took the test because I already knew what it would say. The way I see it I need their support when things go wrong so I take them on the whole journey.

Still, have an apt next week and if we don't hear a heartbeat i'm going to demand an us so we can rule out the missed misscarriage thing.

[flapjack]

Mary, over here they like to get us booked in for antenatal care early: at 8 weeks or so: so that pregnancies can be confirmed and if someone is having problems staying pregnant then that can be flagged up early. Having said that, the care I got during the only miscarriage I needed help with was abysmal

I'm not feeling positive. I'm having pretty much no symptoms, apart from trapped wind and looking at least 11 months pregnant. I'm at 8 and a half weeks, and I should be feeling something. River's been on the boob constantly since Saturday too, and my milk supply seems to be coping. It's either the easiest pregnancy ever (which was wished on me) or else no pregnancy at all.

[radosti]

This is my 5th pregnancy with 2 boys so far. We were dealing with fertility issues with DS1, so they put me on progesterone as soon as I knew I was pregnant. After him, we concieved without fertility help, but I miscarried at 4 weeks. Called the ob and asked for progesterone for next time, to have the script filled so I could start on it ASAP when I'd get pregnant. He fought me on it, said progesterone won't save a bad pregnancy. Yeah, but it'll save a good one. He refused. I miscarried at 4 weeks again. I made an appt and looked him in the eye and told him he was personally responsible for that loss. He gave me a script that time. I filled it.

The very next month, I was at work when I felt the beginning of a miscarriage. Same feeling, same time, same everything. I didn't even know I was pregnant, but the feeling was there. I left and drove home. Took a test, it said pregnant and I immediately took progesterone. For the next three days, I felt sick, on a constant brink of a miscarriage. I just kept taking the progesterone. It was touch and go, but the progesterone won, and I have my sweet DS2.

Then, I was done having kids. DH wanted to try for a girl, but I was very hesitant. I never wanted more than 2 kids. I was done. Well, one day, the cat started meowing/yowling, the next night I had a dream that I was pregnant. Got a test, it said Not Pregnant. Breathed a sigh of relief, but the cat wouldn't stop. A week later, I kept thinking, where is my period? Took the other test in the pack and it said PREGNANT. No issues now, no need for progesterone, no G. diabetes yet, constant low-grade nausea (I never had nausea with the boys)... it's really different. So, maybe this is DH's coveted daughter.

I am strangely zen about this pregnancy. I keep having the thought that God obviously wants me to have another one, I'm due on Dec 5th, so I'll likely go on Thanksgiving (early like both previous times), so again, God telling me to be grateful. I'm still nursing DS2, although we're down to one session a day now. Trying to maintain normalcy for the boys so that they don't have to suffer through my rotten moods. That's all I can control.

[flapjack]

Bumping... how's everyone doing?

I'm here. Getting flutters. Huge- my fundus is only an inch under my navel. Sickness came, then went. I haven't got my scan date yet, but I finally told the doctor I'm pregnant so my midwife should be beating down my door any day now...

[Brisen]

I had a rough time at the beginning of this pregnancy. In the past, I've miscarried when I was tendem nursing, and then once the older nursling stopped, I carried to term. There are other factors too, but I worried that the tandem nursing was the cause. My dd was still nursing occasionally in the daytime, and to go to sleep at night. Due to eczema, she was waking up a few times a night. So I was torn between weaning her -- which I knew would not go over well -- and worrying about this pregnancy sticking.


Before my youngest was born, I had 4 miscarriages, and then started taking vitex, and then conceived him and carried to term. I wondered if I should start taking vitex right away, or wait until I had bloodwork done, or wait and see. I've heard that taking progesterone when you don't have low progesterone can result in a missed miscarriage. I did not want to go through that, but I also didn't want to have a miscarriage that I could have prevented if I did have low progesterone. I was so emotional and confused and just had no idea what to do. Dh and I did some talking, and I calmed down, and started on the vitex. I gradually cut down dd's nursing during the day, and gave her a sippy cup to have if she wakes up at night. Feeling like I was doing something really helped my mood about it.

I still have no idea if I needed the vitex or not, but I'm 16 weeks today and weaning off of it, and things seem to be going smoothly. We heard a heartbeat at 12w and my fundus is growing and I'm feeling little nudges.

ekblad -- my first miscarriage was twins. I had never had any interest in having twins, and felt guilty about miscarrying them. I still have no real preference for twins, but at the beginning of each pregnancy since then, I've wondered if I'll have "my" twins now. I guess you could say, my head says no, but my heart still wants them. It does leave things feeling incomplete, or undone.

I don't think you sound terrible or selfish at all. I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal.

[nina_yyc]

2nd tri doesn't have a lot of symptoms for me, so I'm getting really impatient for my July 2nd appointment where we'll hear the heartbeat. No movement yet. I keep sending the bump happy I-love-you-baby vibes in hope that it will get the message and everything will be OK