parents of 2+ how to keep the peace

[pomplemoose]

Our living arrangement leaves something to be desired but its not all that bad. We have a 2bdrm apartment, so DC's share a room. I work from 8-4 and its like from the moment we walk in the door together there is nothing but arguing and fighting. I dont get it! i know kids fight, and i know i did with my sibling when i was a kid, what i dont get is how to make the 4 hours we have together each day fun instead of constant tantrums fights and arguments. Im sick of it. It doesnt matter if were doing something together, or if they're playing in seperate areas or anything in the middle there is always fighting.
Today for example, we get home and DS and DD decide they're going to play in the yard with DS's wiffle ball and bat, 2 seconds later theres DD's cry of "stop""dont""im telling""Ill only play with you if...." etc. and DS is no angel either, he threw grass at her so the argument continued. How do i get it to stop, i have tried separating them, i have tried time limits on activities everything i can think of. Then they want to do fun things and I am too burnt out from the refereeing from the moment i walk in the door to want to do anything fun.I have tried explaining that its hard to want to do anything fun when i cant even get the laundry folded for 10 minutes without having to listen to someone cry. Whats worked for you guys?

[mama_mojo]

Could they be hungry? Could it be attention getting behavior? Could they be cycling down from wherever they have been? Would spending the first 30 minutes home with them in a connected way help set them on the right foot? What if you redirected all appeals back to the sibling?

When we have this cycle, I remember to mostly get out of it. Their behavior escalates in a much uglier way the more involved I get. So, DS1 comes and says DDs are not letting him play. I say, "Go talk to your sisters." DD2 comes and says DS hit her; I say, "Are you hurt? Do you need an ice pack? Remind your brother not to hit." And so on... They get bored with it, and they finally settle into playing.