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Sick to my stomach over the whole Babywise thing...

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 
I'm just so sad, angry and even confused that this is still even out there...

A friend of mine is trying to sleep train her four month old. She's reading Babywise, and really thinks it will work if she just gives it enough time. Several of her friends are telling her that it is the best thing they ever did as a parent and she is so hopeful that it will help. I've offered some of my advice but she clearly thinks my parenting style is so out-there because of all the AP things I do. (I'm actually pretty main-stream as far as AP goes!) I know she takes my advice with a grain of salt.

So I did a little internet search of Ezzo and came up with SO MANY recommendations for why not to follow his advice. I just can't believe there are people out there who believe in his sleep advice. And I can't believe he has somehow connected it to religion and made it seem godly.

Ugh ugh ugh. I'm just so sick thinking about all those babies who are being put through this. And sick thinking that there are parents out there who blindly follow the advice. If they follow what Ezzo says, what other things are they doing that feel wrong yet they do because they think it is the "right" thing to do???
post #2 of 43
I know. I sold a baby back carrier on Craigslist the other day and delivered it to the purchaser who lives near me and had a 3 mo old baby. I could hear the babe screaming in another room while I was there and she said "yeah, he does that for 20 or 30 minutes and then he falls right to sleep". I nearly puked. Later I wished that I'd torn up her check and taken the carrier home with me, but I was in such shock that I just left.
post #3 of 43
doesn't ezzo have a less than ideal relationship with his kids? maybe buy her a less cruel book on nighttime parenting to give her another option.
post #4 of 43
enlighten me...what is this "babywise" theory?
post #5 of 43
I read through the Ezzo book so that I could see exactly what he said. I must say that SIL and I had a great time with it. AIyiyi! For my friends that are Ezzo happy, I just tell them that I read the book and also found a lot of great info on ezzo.info.
post #6 of 43
Babywise is all about scheduling your baby...scheduled feeds, letting your baby to learn to "self-soothe" at insanely young ages...I must admit I haven't read the book though, and I've read that the updated versions aren't quite as extreme, but still. Not good! Most of my friends & family sleep train, it's such a common thing. It makes me so sick. I always think - if their 3 or 4 year old came to them and said "mommy, I'm scared and I need to cuddle with you" would they say "no, go back to bed!!"??? (God, maybe they would...who knows)...but if their infant is crying and basically saying the same things without words, they're trying to manipulate you.
post #7 of 43
Every time I go into the bookstore, I take the Ezzo books out of the baby section and hide them in some random place where nobody with a baby is likely to be browsing. It's very therapeutic
post #8 of 43
so sad
post #9 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post
Every time I go into the bookstore, I take the Ezzo books out of the baby section and hide them in some random place where nobody with a baby is likely to be browsing. It's very therapeutic
: woohoo I do the same at the library!! They are sick of me I took the books to the lender and told them to trash them as they were just awful books !!
post #10 of 43
OP, you should give your friend some of the information that's out there about Ezzo. Babywise is the *only* parenting advice book that's ever been condemned by the AAP. There are lots of statistics on why it's bad for babies and especially for breastfeeding---lots of problems with failure to thrive due to the babies not getting enough milk (read: starving). I think that anybody who sees the information and research will think twice about practicing it. It isn't just AP opinions that go against it; even mainstream peds will tell you not to follow Babywise. It's just plain bad.
post #11 of 43
Can you tell her that the AAP is against it? That is what I tell anyone I know who has mentioned the book.

I've also hidden Babywise at Barnes and Noble.
post #12 of 43

I love that folks are hiding the book...I'm going to do this from now on too! If for no other reason than snarky pleasure.

I've been reading/posting on another site sometimes; there was a thread about STTN, where a mom advocated Babywise and two moms chimed in that they liked it!! And that it seemed fine to do!! I was aghast, and responded lengthily. I don't think that they understand why it's wrong to even think that just because they possible could train a baby to STTN at 6 weeks (or whatever) doesn't mean they should.

I think that a lot of non-AP parenting choices seem to be about the dominant cultural expectation that families get "back to normal" (whatever that is) as soon as possible after the birth of a baby. It also seems to be about selfishness on the part of some parents; like, I just need down time without the baby, whenever I decide it's time.

Hello? You signed up to be a parent, that means your kids' needs come first until they're able to meet their needs themselves...especially as newborns.
I realize that we all need to meet our own needs too, but sometimes one has to juggle that, especially with a newborn. Maybe you need 9 hours of sleep per 24 hours...you don't necessarily get that all in one chunk!

I am saddened to think of the vast number of kids that are having harm done to them on purpose in our country...it's even worse to think that some parents are doing unintentional harm while the think they're teaching a lesson, or doing something normal that everyone else is (i.e. CIO, Babywise, etc).

Agh!:
post #13 of 43
I know I am late to this thread, but had to chime in.

A co-worker gave be Babywise when I was pregnant. She warned me that some of the stuff he said was pretty out there but that the info on scheduling was pretty helpful to her. I read the whole thing cover to cover and totally bought into the whole "baby on a schedule" nonsense. I would go on and on to my mom about how great the book was and how I was going to use it when the baby was born.

Then baby came. I instantly became a BF'ing on demand, co-sleeping, baby wearing mama. THANK GOD I listened to my maternal instincts instead of that book. I think it is criminal that he is allowed to print suggestions that are so detrimental to a baby's development. I cringe every time I see it at Barnes and Noble.

Just my experiance with it.
post #14 of 43
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cville-rn View Post
Then baby came. I instantly became a BF'ing on demand, co-sleeping, baby wearing mama. THANK GOD I listened to my maternal instincts instead of that book. I think it is criminal that he is allowed to print suggestions that are so detrimental to a baby's development. I cringe every time I see it at Barnes and Noble.
Thank goodness!

AP seems so instinctual to me but I often wonder how I'd have parented if I had never seen anyone BF or cosleep or practice GD. It is so refreshing to read that despite the fact that you thought it was the best idea pre-baby, your instincts kicked in.

I am totally going to start hiding the book in book stores when I see it. What a great idea!!!!
post #15 of 43
so many people I know use babywise, and have suggested that I do the same..

i would like to read it, just to see what it says, but i refuse to buy it, and i don't want to be seen with it!
post #16 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hokulele View Post
Thank goodness!

AP seems so instinctual to me but I often wonder how I'd have parented if I had never seen anyone BF or cosleep or practice GD. It is so refreshing to read that despite the fact that you thought it was the best idea pre-baby, your instincts kicked in.

I am totally going to start hiding the book in book stores when I see it. What a great idea!!!!
Ya it was funny. My son didn't even sleep in the bassinet in the hospital. It just felt right to have him next to me in bed. I was SO against co-sleeping before that too.

I think women in our society have this message of insecurity drummed into them by people like Ezzo. This idea that we have no idea what we are doing. That we need step by step instructions on how to mother. It is ridiculous.

If we were just taught to embrace our natural instincts as mothers people like Ezzo would not stand a chance.
post #17 of 43
What really makes me sick is that people seem to think it's "what's best" for every baby. My DD1 would likely scream for 24 hours if we tried it, making herself sick in the process. She'd never, ever be able to go to sleep the way that book suggests, she'd only sleep out of shear exhaustion, and she'd be damned sure to let us know immediately upon waking that she did not care for that - it wouldn't be "just" 20-30 minutes, it'd be days on end if we so much as tried a method like that.

DD2 (14 weeks old) on the other hand? Sleeping 6+ hours her first stretch of sleep most nights, and has since about 3 weeks old. Totally different kid, totally different temperment, totally different sleeper. Not that I would ever in a million years consider it, but I can see how she might be the type of kid who could be "trained" to sleep longer using some method. DD1 just needed time, and is a decent sleeper now (2.5 yo). DD2 has always been a decent sleeper. They just came out wired differently. But these types of sleep training methods don't seem tot ake any of that into account at all.
post #18 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by cville-rn View Post
;

I think women in our society have this message of insecurity drummed into them by people like Ezzo. This idea that we have no idea what we are doing. That we need step by step instructions on how to mother. It is ridiculous.

If we were just taught to embrace our natural instincts as mothers people like Ezzo would not stand a chance.
:

it is sad that people can't trust their own instincts and instead listen to an 'expert' on how to 'train' a tiny baby.
post #19 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post
Every time I go into the bookstore, I take the Ezzo books out of the baby section and hide them in some random place where nobody with a baby is likely to be browsing. It's very therapeutic
I'm guilty of reshelving ezzo books in the horror section.
post #20 of 43
[QUOTE=LadyCatherine185;13623965
i would like to read it, just to see what it says, but i refuse to buy it, and i don't want to be seen with it![/QUOTE]

I found it at a thrift shop, figured it was worth two bucks to keep it out of the hands of someone that might use it. This is a newer version, not as horrible about feeding as the earlier one that I read at another thrift shop but didn't buy about five years ago. But still, just awful. Awful, awful book.
Someone on my freecycle list was looking for it lately, said they had used it with their first and now were expecting again and needed a copy. I did not offer my copy! Although maybe I should put footnotes and endnotes and attach some research papers and position statements from the AAP and offer it next time...

Jen
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Sick to my stomach over the whole Babywise thing...