Looking for information to convince husband - Page 2

[tntmom]

I'm also from WI. From my experience at our local hospital I've noticed that about half the boys are circ'd. Unfortunately their "parenting class" is very pro-circ. I've sent information to them but it hasn't seemed to change things. They are very misinformed. However our ped seems to be very in tune with leaving boys intact - she also doesn't push vax either so I think we're just super lucky. My husband is circ'd yet it wasn't a difficult discussion when we decided not to. It just seemed to be logical.

I think more men aren't circ'd than let on. About half the men I've seen are still intact - even in hicksville, WI. =)

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by tntmom

I'm also from WI. From my experience at our local hospital I've noticed that about half the boys are circ'd. Unfortunately their "parenting class" is very pro-circ. I've sent information to them but it hasn't seemed to change things. They are very misinformed. However our ped seems to be very in tune with leaving boys intact - she also doesn't push vax either so I think we're just super lucky. My husband is circ'd yet it wasn't a difficult discussion when we decided not to. It just seemed to be logical.

I think more men aren't circ'd than let on. About half the men I've seen are still intact - even in hicksville, WI. =)

You might be right. From your experience though, I have to say that's great for your location, 50% or so. Just out of curiosity are you a Nurse or Dr at the hospital?

[Dev]

"I'm also from WI. From my experience at our local hospital I've noticed that about half the boys are circ'd."

tntmom:
Just curious, where in WI are you located? It's good news if some area's are approaching 50% intact rates!

[tntmom]

I'm from the Fox Valley area. I'm actually in Medical Records at our local hospital so I see all the "consents" that the parents sign. I'm just guessing at the actual % but I sort of took notice once I found out I was pregnant and was researching about circ. My son was in Milwaukee's NICU for 5 weeks and to be honest they asked if we wanted him to be circ'd once. I think only because he was going to be dischaged in a few days & they told me that they don't have many dr's that do it so I'm not sure if it's even less in that area? And I don't have a clue if the boys here are getting it done elsewhere or after their initial hospital stay. Hope this answers your questions!

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by tntmom

I'm from the Fox Valley area. I'm actually in Medical Records at our local hospital so I see all the "consents" that the parents sign. I'm just guessing at the actual % but I sort of took notice once I found out I was pregnant and was researching about circ. My son was in Milwaukee's NICU for 5 weeks and to be honest they asked if we wanted him to be circ'd once. I think only because he was going to be dischaged in a few days & they told me that they don't have many dr's that do it so I'm not sure if it's even less in that area? And I don't have a clue if the boys here are getting it done elsewhere or after their initial hospital stay. Hope this answers your questions!

Sure does, and welcome to the board if I didn't get to it yet. It must be pretty reasonable if there were enough that you noticed, sure some could have it done elsewhere but I doubt it would be many especially if it is routinely offered in the hospital. The number of doctors that do it could also be a sign of the times.

[KBecks]

I have two circed sons, and my third son is intact. I live in Milwaukee, WI.

My third son is intact because I told my husband that I regretted circing our first two and I would not consent to circing #3. I shed a lot of tears over the first two being cut. My husband knew that I would not do it, and so he went along with #3 being intact. I basically just shut down the option -- I decided we would not circ our third.

My husband still thinks circ is OK, but the result is that when I told him I would not circ, our son did not get circed.

You and your husband do not have to agree. Unless you both say yes to circ, it means NO. You veto the whole thing. You will have a healthy son and life will go on just fine.

I'd be happy to talk to you.

[KBecks]

I feel that with my 2nd, I made the mistake of hurting my 2nd to protect the feelings of my 1st. How screwed up is that? I hurt two boys instead of one. I think it's my greatest failure as a parent.

You can apologize to your #1 son. You don't have to circ your #2. Circing your #2 only hurts #2, it does not heal #1.

[jenP]

Originally Posted by twins+1

I think Dh and I have come to an agreement to leave our new baby boy intact when he is born. :

Congratulations to your husband! That has got to be one of the hardest things for him to face.
Below is something I wrote in another discussion about the courage it takes for a circumcised man to keep his son whole. It is even more courageous and strong for a circumcised man who has already circumcised one or more of his children to admit his mistake and move on. He is a hero! You too!

Jen

Circ'd men of course have issues. Penis issues. They know something was cut away from them, and may deep down feel they are diminished. But since they can tell themselves that what is missing was gross anyway and that they are now better and cleaner and more desirable they can deny those doubts and fears. If a man feeling like that has to face facts that foreskin is good, circumcision is not "cleaner" or "healthier" and it is wrong to cut a baby, then their fears have to come out. As in, if foreskin is not gross then maybe there is something wrong with me? Am I missing out on something sexually? Would my parents really have let me go through something so painful when I was just a baby if it wasn't medically necessary?
Naturally these thoughts can be very disturbing and upsetting. So the response is to shove them back down and assert that OF COURSE circumcised is better, of course it must be done to my son.
BUT what your husband does not realize is that when he decides to face facts and deal with his own feelings and put his son first, and protect his son and let his son grow into a man with his whole body and his human rights and his choices intact, THEN the father goes through an incredible maturation. He has faced his insecurities and not let them win. He is a MAN, he is a FATHER. He doesn't have to be worried or insecure anymore; his penis is how it is, what happened to him happened, but he realizes it doesn't control him. It is so empowering for a man to say, "The cycle of violence ENDS here. I will not put my son through it." It is like he is taking back control, the control that was taken from him as a baby.
And when a man puts his son's rights first like this, over his own issues, he usually becomes a HERO in the eyes of his wife. I know I see my own husband as so much more MANLY than the scared little men who cut their sons to make themselves feel good. My husband is strong, confident, courageous. Manly. I feel bad for guys who cut their sons (or keep on cutting them) and miss out on all that!