I thought I'd
this for more input on three-year-olds...
I feel fortunate that my three-year-old DD is generally easier to deal with than some other children her age, but of course we have the typical frequent emotional breakdowns, refusals to cooperate, and problems with listening to instructions. It's been a bigger challenge lately because I'm heavily PG with no family help (other than DH) and I'm really physically and emotionally tired of dealing with some of the issues.
The latest big problem has left me feeling a little blue. My DD has a good friend she's known for almost two years now and I have to end their relationship. For about a year, this three-year-old friend frequently encourages my DD to run away from their parents and into dangerous situations, e.g. out of sight in a public place, towards parking lots & streets, etc. The problem has escalated to the point where the last three times we've gotten together with this other child, either my DD and the friend have run away together or the friend has *constantly* tried to get my DD to run away and I've had to physically restrain my DD the whole time.
The other child's mom doesn't seem to be as concerned about the issue and doesn't make a lot of effort to stop it, and it's taking a toll on me now. At 7 months PG, I had to chase my DD and her friend across a large park as they ran toward a busy street because the other mother first dismissed their running as not a big deal and then finally moved very slowly toward the girls to stop them. I'd had enough watching this other mother's lack of action and ran after the girls myself, of course triggering Braxton Hicks contractions for the next 3-1/2 hours.
My child has not done this dangerous behavior with any of her other friends. I've worked with my DD for the last year trying to explain to her why it's dangerous to run away from her mommy, I've given her alternative ideas for saying no to her friend (such as saying, "No, let's go down the slide" when her friend says "Let's run away from our mommies"), and I've used natural consequences like telling her we will leave the park immediately if she runs away and then I follow through with it. NOTHING has worked -- if anything, the problem has only gotten worse. I've been so exasperated.
I've spoken to the other mom about this on multiple occasions and expressed that I try to avoid getting the two friends together in unconfined places, but I can't always control the situation. Our larger group has field trips and park days and I don't always know when my DD's wanderlust friend will be at these events. That's why I've continually worked on communicating the dangers of running away to my DD. I've also suggested making a game of "red light, green light" to the other mom, but she generally doesn't seem interested in doing much behavior modification with her child.
I made the decision yesterday that my DD can no longer play with this friend, EVER. Not even in enclosed areas because I see a subtle difference in my DD each time she spends time with this other little girl. After my DD has a running away episode with her friend, I see my DD increasingly starting to try to run away from my DH and me in public. I read
Hold On To Your Kids (Neufeld) recently and now I'm thinking, "Am I witnessing peer orientation and peer pressure in three-year-olds???????"
It breaks my heart because we are the longest members of our playgroup (nearly three years) and now we have to drop out because of one other child in the group.
: I feel angry about the situation and sad that my DD seems to lack the ability to say no to something that she seems to know is dangerous, and I'm angry that I've gotten little to no support from the other moms in our playgroup while I'm heavily PG and physically trying to stop my DD from running away.
Kristin
I also try and remember that this too shall pass, and they end up growing way to fast...my sweet boy is already 6! Seems like he was just 3 yesterday.
