DH says other children will shun my boy - Page 2

[earthmama369]

DH is intact and he says that no one ever teased him about his penis when he was growing up. He never had a woman say anything negative, either. He can't imagine a guy checking him out in the locker room...he says *that's* the guy who would've gotten crap, for looking at another guy's penis.

[PuppyFluffer]

The last statistics I heard were that 52.6% of boys were circumcised in the US in 2006 and the education is getting out to parents. Most educated parents leave their children intact so the general trend will most likely be towards more intact boys.

Granted that circ trends vary in different regions of the US but overall, it's nearly 50/50.

[G8P4]

When my son was about 6 he told me he liked that he was intact because "it makes my penis look long and I like it to look long".

I couldn't believe that he'd absorbed that message...but apparently he had. At that time, where we live, the tide was just starting to turn and he was in the minority of boys. By the time I had my second boy, intact was in the majority.

[ColoradoMama]

When I asked my circ'd dh about "the locker argument," he said, "Honey, the rule of the locker room is DON'T LOOK!"

Really, maybe you could attack it from a different angle. At the heart of it - whose penis is it? Does anyone have a right to choose cosmetic surgery for anyone else? It's your SON'S penis - it should be your SON'S decision whether or not he wants to cut part of it off.

[femalephish]

Warning: This post is PG-13

It sounds like you are getting great advice- but just for your DH's sake I'll add;


(If you promise not to tell my circ'd DH) Before I was married, I liked being with intact men better. There is more skin so it's easier/more fun to play with. My girlfriends and I all agree about this. (Well, the few of us who would talk candidly about things like this in my college years.) I know that that is sortof crass, but I read these posts and I wonder if many more women think this and are just embaressed or think it's inappropriate to say anything. If it makes your DH feel better, I am ok with being honest about this.

Hope I didn't offend anyone!

[animallover]

My DH also had this argument 14 years ago. Being young and stupid, I did it. I circ'd the older boy...I did not circ my younger boy and DH had no argument with that. To see a baby boys penis cut, raw and bleeding and to see, hear and "feel" his pain is not a good thing. Stick to your guns lady, don't circ! It's wrong.
Cindy

[bluetoes]

You know it was only years later I realized an American boyfriend of mine was intact (he later married a friend of mine who mentioned it to me and then I remembered. I just didn't notice the finer details before or after. I don't get the 'girls will reject him' argument. Because if a girl will reject him over that, then isn't that a good thing? I mean seriously, how shallow would that be?

Anyway, regardless of his arguments, stick you ground because no matter what you partner says, leaving your boy intact is the only right decision!

[4chunut1]

Originally Posted by candipooh

I asked DP if he was ever made fun of (he is not cut) and he said no and then added "no one would dare make a comment about another boys penis for fear of being called gay"

Yeah that exactly..! I am intact and that was my experience as a teen in PE dressing rooms. You might take a quick glance and notice another guy's circ status (or size), but you made NO comments at all, for the reason stated...

[Greg B]

It was never an issue for my brothers who were intact and in grade/HS school back in the 70s.

It was never an issue for my sons, both intact, 18 and 16 years old now.

It really is just not an issue. yes kids will make fun of each other, at times quite cruelly. But you simply cannot avoid it. But having a foreskin does not make this any worse or better, and thus is not a deciding factor. An example is my son's school was considering uniforms. One of the justifications was that is everyone wore the same clothes, then they would not make fun of each other for not having the cool clothes. It so happened that at that time my sone reported being made fun of for his underwear. Sigh, there will always be something.

Your DH sounds like he is arguing from fear and insecurity. Here is a brochure that may help, but may not.

http://icgi.org/Downloads/FD2.pdf

Fear is difficult to deal with because it clouds reason and logic. Be strong and keep to logic and make him support his argument with sound reasoning and references. Otherwise the decision can wait until your DS is old enough to make his own choice.

Best wishes

[tutucrazy]

My intact husband grew up in central Tennessee in a time when the circ rate was around 86% or higher. He was on the swim team and wrestling team. He showered in front of the other boys. He was the guy who always ended up naked at the college parties. He only knew one other boy who was intact. NEVER once did he feel insecure about his penis. NEVER once did anyone comment about his penis. His parents raised him to have self-confidence and take pride in his body.

[MeepyCat]

The argument I would push is that you really cannot make decisions based on how other children - people who haven't been born yet, and are famously capricious anyway - are going to react. We cannot guarantee our children perfect happiness and social acceptance, no matter what we do (or we would, I am sure, all do it), we just have to choose a principled basis for our decisions and hope for the best.

FWIW, I have seen people blame things like this for their social failures. "Guys hate me and I can't get laid, it must be because of my penis." But people who say things like this, IME, tend to have other features that turn people off - I think they'd have noticed a startling change in results if they'd just stopped being rude to waiters.

In any case, you should expect that fourteen to sixteen years from now, your child will plead that some thing that he wants is socially so important that guys will mock and girls will reject if you don't give in. You would not let this argument sway you to buy a car, you probably wouldn't let it sway you about buying a sweater. It's not a good reason to circumcise either.

[kell]

I dated 2 intact guys who both grew up in a VERY conservative state with a very high circ rate and when I asked them if they ever got made fun of they both gave me a weird look and asked "Why would anyone make fun of me?" One of them said, "If anyone ever said anything I would just ask why they were looking at my penis."

[blackapple]

Originally Posted by mysticmomma

Well, in the locker room... "Dude, why are you looking at my penis?"

Ditto, that is my husband's reply. He is circed, but that is what he will tell our son, according to him. Also, keep in mind, the rates are much lower and likely will lower further and further as years go by. I am confident it will eventually be a turnaround and circing will be uncommon. Just my opinion. Plus, locker rooms and stuff nowadays are more private, not just open stalls and such.

show your Dh the Penn and Teller Bullsh!t epsisode. It convinced my husband long before I even met him.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

In any case, you should expect that fourteen to sixteen years from now, your child will plead that some thing that he wants is socially so important that guys will mock and girls will reject if you don't give in. You would not let this argument sway you to buy a car, you probably wouldn't let it sway you about buying a sweater. It's not a good reason to circumcise either.

Very good point.

re: the rest of this.

1) I have a brother, and his friends hung around all the time as teens, and I heard their "man to man" conversations a lot. I also hung out with a crowd of mostly guys for almost two decades. I've never heard a guy admit to looking at another guy's penis in the locker room - never.

2) Girls? I've never been with an intact man (mostly stuck to my own age group, and they were circ'd at a very high rate). Every woman I know who has been with men who were both circ'd and intact - every one - says sex with intact men is better.

3) Girls again. If any girl/woman rejects my son because I chose not to have a huge piece of his penis removed, then I hope he gets over her quickly, because I'd hate to see him wasting his time on someone that shallow.

4) IME, teasing is part of life in school. It's going to happen, no matter what.

5) I have very few dealbreakers in marriage. Insisting on circing my son would be one of them. Fortunately, neither my first nor second husband had strong enough feelings on it to argue with me - but it would not have happened, under any circumstances. I know how I feel about having a surgical procedure (c-section) done on me without my consent...why would I do that to my own child??

[SmoothieMom]

Maybe this is TMI, well I'm sure it is lol, but - my DH is intact... and when we were dating and the first time I saw it/touched it he was hard, I didn't even realize that he wasn't circ'd. They look the same to me (erect) ?

Then like, months later I saw him undressed and I was like.. wow! I had no idea.

I think the OP's DH is really off on his whole way of thinking. lol

[sunflowergirll]

My husband also had the "locker room argument." I had the "my mom will disown me due to religious reasons if we don't."

We went through many conversations about how it's not medically necessary but we felt cultural pressures.

He decided that it's better for our son to face (possible) emotional pain later than real physical pain now.

I decided that I cannot control my family's behavior, but can only control my own. And I do not want to cut my son.

I tried to argue to my husband that if our son really was teased, we can always circ later. He countered that then he would be teased even more!

In the end, we both really didn't want to put our son through the physical pain and trauma.

[KBecks]

You don't have to convince your husband that circ is evil. It may be easier to let him know that

1. You aren't going to let your son be cut
2. Your son will be fine, happy, healthy, great without being circed.

Your husband is nervous about doing something different, but you can have a positive attitude and let him know it will be OK.

He does not have to agree. You do not consent to the circ, period.

You can listen to his side and try to reassure him when he is worried. But do not circ your son. Because it's not about how your husband feels about things, it is about your son, and your son doesn't want to be cut!