DD says she was spanked at daycare today and other issues

[Satori]

I am so angry at daycare right now. dd is almost 3.5 and is potty learning and has been in panties for 2 weeks with no accidents till today. She was on her way to the potty but didn't make it. Daycare said they told her she was a bad girl instead of accidents happen and its ok and after we got home she told me daycare also spanked her for it! This is the last straw! Little things have been going on over a long period of time and i'm fed up with it! Its home daycare and I found out she was spanking her kids in front of dd which was causing hitting issues with dd and I had to talk to her about not doing it in front of my kid. She had a male adult relative move into her home and I was not notified at all (i'm sorry but I have a right to know who is around my child!) and she has visitors that I don't know and doesn't bother explaining who they are. She doesn't follow my directions either, its taken a year to get dd to potty train becasue she would not put her on the dang potty! School would do it, I would but if everyone's not on board its not gonna happen. I finally had to just start sending her in panties. I have dd on a waiting list at a full day preschool (not thrilled at a whole day of school but dd thrives on it) so tomorrow i'm going to visit them and see if I can get her moved up on the list while I look for other care. If she was spanked she will not be going back period. Don't know how i'm going to swing this one, finding fulltime childcare for a special needs kid is not easy! I went though half the daycares in town if not more to find this place

[pamelamama]

I hope you find what you are looking for. I would be livid.

xo pam

[DreamsInDigital]

If I was near you I would take care of your DD for you. That's so sad that someone would make a child feel bad about themselves over an accident. to you and your DD, and good luck finding a better daycare.

[mamaduck]

I would file a police report. I don't think daycares are allowed to spank children in their care. But either way, I would want it on record.

Good luck. You are doing the right thing.

[RidentMama]

Oooooh, I'd be ripping a new one for anyone who spanked my child! Good for you for not going back, and I whole-heartedly second mamaduck's advice about filing a police report! I'm so sorry that your daughter experienced that situation, and am sending prayers that you find a better daycare situation soon!

[shelbean91]

I, too, would file a police report. I don't know what state you're in, but I was going through the process to get certified for home daycare in AZ and one of the first things they told us was that we were NEVER allowed to hit the children, even if the parents said it was ok.

[hvl25]

I would be TICKED!!! You should file a police report and also report her to the state if she is licensed. I don't think she is allowed to hit any kids but her own. I am sorry you have to go through this, it must be so hard s

[Clarity]

the police AND child protective services. I am assuming they didn't lay out some detailed physical discipline policy you agreed to...and even if you did, spanking for a potty accident is unacceptable. A man in the house without your knowledge who's had no criminal backgorund check makes a lot of alarm bells go off. Call her, have a confernce, and if it seems fishy, turn her in. If you can I would not send her back at all. Are there any agencies in your area that can help you find emergency respite care if she's special needs while you wait for your spot to open?

[guestmama9924]

home day cares are tricky. I had a great one, I only took my youngest DD there 1 time per week in the morning so I could do my shopping/errands/writing. It was great and she was totally AP with her own child. UNTIL I found out that her BIL was living there, I was curious and did a background check on him and found out he was on probation for drug dealing

I also help train day care workers for my county, and they all have to have a license ( at least here in Florida). I would report her to the licensing agency ( here it is Florida Dept of Children and Families)

[chfriend]

This is just as serious as you are feeling. This situation is bad for you and your child. In my state it is illegal for a licensed daycare to use physical punishment. Is the daycare licensed? (In my state you can have 4 kids besides your own in your care b/f you need a license.)

I would not send my child back whether they spanked her or not. They told you that they called her a "bad girl" for not making it to the potty. They are unqualified to care for your child.

[LiamnEmma]

Just a big here. They all said it for me. File the report, don't take her back, give her and yourself some TLC. I hope you find something great for her soon.

Leah

[Marsupialmom]

I agree file a report!! To protect other people. Also call your local school district. See if they have any early education that can help you. Many schools have programs for special needs children. Also check into head start type programs.

[Clarity]

What state are you in? My mom said she has numbers of an advocate type person (state) in southeastern PA, Florida or MD that might be able to help with interim daycare...and maybe we could look up someone where you are.

[TiredX2]

I am so sorry that you and DD are having to go through this.

Keep us posted and know our thoughts & prayers are with you!

[Satori]

Thank you everyone I called and talked to licensing yesterday and its not against the rules to spank a kid in your care even if you are a licensed daycare (which it is) but they don’t encourage it I have the option to file a complaint and I’m still deciding what to do on that front. I didn't get a chance to talk to the daycare lady yesterday since I was stuck in a meeting with my boss all day (got a good yearly review and a raise! ) but I plan on talking to her later today to find out what the heck happened from her POV. I called the school she's on the waiting list for and there is one full time kid that may be transferring to another school and if he does she will get his spot but otherwise where stuck waiting possibly a month or 2 Now I’m looking at hiring a private care giver. dd will be in school till noon till at least the end of the month then I need care from 12-5 m-th and 9-5 on Friday. How much do you think the going rate is? I know I’ve been paying some one $4 an hour here and there but I can’t afford to pay some one 28 hours a week at that rate.

[phathui5]

Maybe you could ask for help in your area's Finding Your Tribe forum? I'm in MD and would watch her.

[Satori]

I asked daycare about it and she said she never spanked her and didn't spank any of the kids in her care besides her own even when the parents told her to spank them. She even went as far as to ask her 5 yr old if he'd ever seen her spank dd! Either way its the final straw and i've offered the job to a sweet 19 yr old who has always been home schooled and has watched dd on occasion. I told her she could take a few days and think about it but i'm hoping she doesn't take to long and says yes.

[hipumpkins]

That is awful! I will keep fingers crossed for you that the teenager pans out. I wouldn't bleeive that day care worker of course she is going to say she didin't do it. Best of luck to you!!!

[Sustainer]

I definitely would not let my child go back to that daycare even for one more day!

[mommy2three]

Wow- I couldn't even get through your post I was so upset!!! I too would be beyond upset at this! How dare anyone spank someone else's child! I would file a police report and also see about getting their license taken away... anything you could do to ensure that this didn't happen to anyone else's kid.

Now to push my rage aside and say please give your babe a hug from us!!! I too would watch her if you were in my area (no way you're in CT, right?) Good luck with your search and I'm so sorry you both had to go through this!!!