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Forcing your kids to wear certain clothes. - Page 6

post #101 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post
There was a really extensive argument..I mean thread...about uniforms in the school section not to long ago. General conclusion was that it varied so much depending on the age of students, type of uniform/dress code, parent cooperation, and the enforcement policies. They can work, but they don't always.
Yeah, I'm not against them. I think most of my problem was that I was forced to wear it right as I was hitting puberty and was already self-conscious. I was just saying that I don't feel that they always eliminate the class issue.
post #102 of 133
i can understand wanting your LO to look put together and oh-so-adorable, but the idea of inflicting actual PAIN to do it makes feel sick.

there are SOOOOO many cute shoes out there that are good for little feet. i wont say how many pairs of robeez, pedi peds, see kai runs i've impulse bought to match an outfit... hehee... but i'd never force her to wear something that she hated or hurt dd.
post #103 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by seriosa View Post
I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?
You can do that without impeding on his idea of good or beautiful.

DD has her own sense of whats good and whats beautiful. Be it with music, books, art or anything else. It's this sense that leads to her unique outfits, that and she's not afraid to try something new. I have learned that what may seem like unmatched and unappealing dress before you see can in fact, be quite a nice outfit.

Now admittedly I wouldn't wear anything similar to DD's "Happy Clothes", but they are some pretty amazing outfits and have a lot more style then many of the "fashionable" clothes.

The only person I dress is DH and that's because I refuse to admit I married a dork who likes sweater vests.
post #104 of 133
Also, the conversation reminds me of our wedding.

DD wore her fancy "pinchy shoes" for the ceremony, but switched to "Happy shoes" for the reception... Multicoloured sneakers that went surprisingly well with her flower girl dress. A couple of people commented on the inappropriateness of those shows at a wedding, but when DH and I just laughed it off they stopped complaining. We didn't care if she wanted comfort for dancing.
post #105 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
You can do that without impeding on his idea of good or beautiful.

DD has her own sense of whats good and whats beautiful. Be it with music, books, art or anything else. It's this sense that leads to her unique outfits, that and she's not afraid to try something new. I have learned that what may seem like unmatched and unappealing dress before you see can in fact, be quite a nice outfit.
DD's taste is still definitely that of a child, but I think she's probably got way better dress sense and more style than I ever have. She probably gets it from my MIL (who never dresses really fancy, but is just one of those really put together looking people, as a general rule).
post #106 of 133
For me its more of trying to get my girls to not wear their fancy flower girl dresses from their uncles wedding out to play in the yard. Other wise what I worry about is weather appropriate, no shorts when there is snow on the ground, and closed toe shoes to the play ground...mainly because thats better than pulling splinters out of their feet.
post #107 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Also, the conversation reminds me of our wedding.

DD wore her fancy "pinchy shoes" for the ceremony, but switched to "Happy shoes" for the reception... Multicoloured sneakers that went surprisingly well with her flower girl dress. A couple of people commented on the inappropriateness of those shows at a wedding, but when DH and I just laughed it off they stopped complaining. We didn't care if she wanted comfort for dancing.
I can't believe that people made negative comments about what your DD had on her feet. That's crazy. She's a kid.
post #108 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Also, the conversation reminds me of our wedding.

DD wore her fancy "pinchy shoes" for the ceremony, but switched to "Happy shoes" for the reception... Multicoloured sneakers that went surprisingly well with her flower girl dress. A couple of people commented on the inappropriateness of those shows at a wedding, but when DH and I just laughed it off they stopped complaining. We didn't care if she wanted comfort for dancing.
*I* wore multicolored *Light Up* sneakers at *my* wedding you honestly couldn't tell under my big dress but I didn't want to try to wear high heeled shoes on the beach at night, I did show off my "fancy" shoes quite afew times!
post #109 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post

Interestingly enough, a fellow student in my speech class just gave a speech on school uniforms, and said that they really don't remove the class/status indicator. He went to Catholic school all the way up.

His reasons are:

1) Kids can still "alter" the clothing they wear. They can belt the pants low and wear baggy shirts so as to still carry that thuggish look.

2) Expensive coats, backpacks, shoes, and pocketbooks still show who has money and who doesn't.
At my son's school baggy ill-fitting clothes will get you written up for a uniform code violation (same with skirts/shorts that are too short).

And their uniform code requires specific shoes (your choice of one of three styles) and our weather is such that heavy coats, etc are almost never needed. They have uniform sweaters and windbreakers, there are maybe 5 days out of the year that anything heavier than that is needed. I guess expensive purses are still possible, but it's not really an issue in Kindergarten.

It's a small private school so the student population is somewhat homogeneous, but honestly I can't pick out whose got more money than who until the carpool line starts and I can see the cars... and even then it's hard to tell because sometimes it's the nanny/babysitter's car.
post #110 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethNC View Post
I can't believe that people made negative comments about what your DD had on her feet. That's crazy. She's a kid.
Especially since it looked pretty good and I sort of regret not letting her wear them to the ceremony. She did wear them in some of the official photos though.
post #111 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
Interestingly enough, a fellow student in my speech class just gave a speech on school uniforms, and said that they really don't remove the class/status indicator. He went to Catholic school all the way up.

His reasons are:

1) Kids can still "alter" the clothing they wear. They can belt the pants low and wear baggy shirts so as to still carry that thuggish look.

2) Expensive coats, backpacks, shoes, and pocketbooks still show who has money and who doesn't.
That makes sense to me. I have no experience with either myself or my kids wearing a uniform, but another way I would think the uniforms don't remove the status issue is, you can buy "uniform" clothes almost anywhere these days. And you can really tell if your uniform clothes are from K-Mart or from Talbot's. Or if you are outgrowing them or they are old and patched, etc. If they really want uniformity, x number of new uniforms in your size should be included in your tuition each year or something.

Jen
post #112 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I used to do that...but I was...odd.

In my late 20s, I went through a two-tone phase, and spent most of my weekends, as follows:
Cool! I would love to see pictures!

Jen
post #113 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenP View Post
That makes sense to me. I have no experience with either myself or my kids wearing a uniform, but another way I would think the uniforms don't remove the status issue is, you can buy "uniform" clothes almost anywhere these days. And you can really tell if your uniform clothes are from K-Mart or from Talbot's. Or if you are outgrowing them or they are old and patched, etc. If they really want uniformity, x number of new uniforms in your size should be included in your tuition each year or something.

Jen
And even then, you can tell who has more money (or time.) I used to teach at an inner city school. My kids all wore uniforms. Some kids had really worn uniforms (even newish ones can look old rather quickly if not cared for properly.) Others had new-looking uniforms all the time.
post #114 of 133
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethNC View Post
OP, I know exactly what board and thread you are referring to. I've been talking about it with a few other posters in PMs throughout the morning.
Yeah, I was afraid to be too obvious about the other forum, but I REALLY wanted to talk about it here. The thing that I guess interested me so much (or concerns me actually) is the mindset that if you're the parent you get to do whatever you want regardless of the impact on the child. I have no problem telling my child "no" when necessary and I'm fully prepared to be the "mean mom" to my teenager when it becomes necessary, but I think something as petty as "fashion" is kind of like abusing your authority... and I love clothes...
post #115 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceili View Post
It's a small private school so the student population is somewhat homogeneous, but honestly I can't pick out whose got more money than who until the carpool line starts and I can see the cars... and even then it's hard to tell because sometimes it's the nanny/babysitter's car.
In my experience people there are quite a few people with massive amounts of wealth that drive good quality cars into the ground, complete with rust and missing door handles.
post #116 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigpokey View Post
In my experience people there are quite a few people with massive amounts of wealth that drive good quality cars into the ground, complete with rust and missing door handles.
True.

Having a nice car can mean that you have a lot of debt rather than a lot of money.

That really goes for any sort of material thing, though.
post #117 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
A child is not a fashion accessory.

And that's all I have to say about that.
I couldn't agree more
post #118 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigpokey View Post
In my experience people there are quite a few people with massive amounts of wealth that drive good quality cars into the ground, complete with rust and missing door handles.
This is true, you should see my husband's Prius, it's a sad sad sight (not that we have massive amounts of wealth though... just no debt and a stable income, which in this economy is blessed enough). I was just saying that the distribution of wealth in my kid's school is apparently not as obvious as some of the other posters experiences with school uniforms.
post #119 of 133
Okay, now that I've posted twice off-topic, I'll address the OP's question!
It all boils down to whether we see children as their own human beings of whom we are guardians during their vulnerable years, or if we see them as our possessions. No surprise, from the responses, MDC'ers see children as autonomous human beings. We all seem to have rules about clothes that pertain to keeping the children safe from weather or physical hazards, and to some degree to learning when a certain type of clothing is appropriate, but that the child can within those bounds express his or her own taste and style.
Like most here, our own house rules are pretty much the clothes must be appropriate to the weather, and you have to wear underpants or shorts (or thick tights) under a skirt. Hey, who am I to give fashion advice? For me, it's a big fashion day if my bandana (worn to cover my gray and usually messy hair) matches my shirt! Besides, who wants the hassle of arguing over clothes, especially if the kid has actually dressed himself? When I tell the kids they aren't allowed to do certain things, I feel there should always be a good explanation for why. And if the best reason for "why can't I wear this?" is "because I think those socks look silly with that dress" then that just isn't a good enough reason.
My mother-in-law is really INTO clothes, and she loves to buy clothes for the kids. My daughter really enjoys the clothes, but when she is given an "outfit" she ends up mixing and matching as she pleases. So it causes some bad feelings: MIL sees DD in some crazy get-up and feels personally rejected because she thinks DD doesn't like her gift because she isn't wearing it the "right" way. DD feels personally rejected because she feels Grammy doesn't like her because Grammy insults the way she dresses.
Last year, Grammy got DD a Halloween-themed outfit: skirt, LS shirt, tights, socks. Well, the following week Grammy came to visit and it was unseasonably warm so she put on the skirt but with a short-sleeved shirt and with the socks but no tights and with white sandals. Grammy and Pappy seemingly could not stop with the rude comments ("did you get dressed in the closet? Are you color-blind?" etc.) even when we told them how rude they were and to STOP IT. Their excuse was, she needs to change or she will get made fun of. Well, YOU are the ONLY ones making fun of her! Then we all went for a walk in the neighborhood and, no lie!, FOUR different people stopped to say how CUTE her outfit looked!! So much for getting made fun of.
Then there's DS with his dresses... and the hilarious thing is, at Easter he went to Grammy's house wearing the complete coordinated outfit that she had bought for DD two years earlier. Hey, at least he was coordinated! Her only comment was, "what will you do when he gets OLDER and still wants to wear a dress?" Umm, let him wear a dress, what difference is it how old he is? Besides, I'm the wrong one to ask about that. I love dudes in dresses. One of my favorite things about Dead shows was all the hot guys wearing a skirt and nothing else (I think they were breaking the underwear rule!;-)). Then there's kilts (yum!) and David Bowie, and then Ashton Kutcher imitating David Bowie on That Seventies Show...I like drag too but that's a different department, guys dressing up to look like a woman. I'm more into guys looking like a guy in a dress/skirt. If that makes any sense. (As David Bowie described it, and this may not be an exact quote but close enough,"no, no, I'm not dressing like a woman. This is a MAN'S dress!")

Grammy seriously needs to get herself a doll to dress up! They always wear the coordinated outfit with all the accessories just the way you like, and they even wear their hair the way you want them to. None of those pesky ideas of their own...

Jen
post #120 of 133
I occasionally insist on looking "nice", but I'm pretty flexible on what that means. As they get older, it mostly means clean. I also make matching outfits for all three; it's really adorable. AND- they all usually enjoy wearing them together ONE time. Then it's all a mix and match kind of thing. But, I have never even mildly coerced them to wear the matching things, so if you see me with my kids in matching clothes, please don't assume I did it for the public's benefit. My children chose it, and they think they look cute, and their mother does, too.
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