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Forcing your kids to wear certain clothes. - Page 4

post #61 of 133
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
DD wore two different shoes once... for the next two weeks all the parents were complaining about how their daughters kept wanting to wear shoes that didn't match...
My dd wears one silver sparkly shoe and one red sparkly shoe. It's the best way to wear your favorite shoes all the time!

I don't care. If they are clean and dressed appropriately, I'm good. I won't buy flip flops for my 3 year old because I hate seeing little girls at the park that can't or won't run and climb because they are wearing flip flops. She covets them but I won't give in on that. Anything else goes.
post #62 of 133
I do have rules about clothes, but they really have (almost) nothing to do with pure aesthetics. Honestly, I've bought all of DS's clothes -- I don't have a problem with him wearing any of them. My few things I insist on are:

- weather appropriate (sometimes DS wants to wear his jean jacket when it's 15 degrees out -- he's reasonable about changing when he feels the cold though)\

- sneakers with fasteners to school (his teachers requested 'no crocs' because the kids would slip them off, and then they were forced to get everyone to put them back on to go outside -- no small feat with 18 3-year-olds!)

- *clean* clothes to school (DS has several shirts that he loves, but they have food or dirt stains so I've designated them as playclothes. I don't care if he wears them outside or all around town, but I prefer he looks clean to go to school! This is one thing I will insist on, even if he fights back a little. I just don't want his teachers or classmates to think we don't care about cleanliness.)

As a former urban school teacher, I like uniforms too. In my schools they were always optional, but I'd say 40-50% of the kids opted in. It was nice because it did even the playing field for them a little, and I know that it made it easier on some of the parents to have to buy only a few shirts and a few pairs of pants to rotate through. They had colored polos in long and short sleeves; pants, shorts, and skirts in khaki.
post #63 of 133
Ds recently started dressing himself and with that came some desire on his part to choose his clothes. We now have the following rules about what can or can't be worn:

It must be clean
It must actually fit
It must not be a safety hazard (for example, i don't allow crocs at the playground because they fall off too easily, especially while climbing)

Also some activities require specific clothes. There is a uniform for dance class and for t-ball games and if we're going to the pool ds has to wear a rash guard shirt to prevent sunburn, etc.
post #64 of 133
Originally Posted by poxybat View Post
personally im just happy when my kids are wearing clothes...
Yeah that too!
post #65 of 133
If DS wants to a wear a cap or mis-matched shoes, so be it. He's expressing his personality and I love it. He knows how to get dressed and undressed, but more often than not, I do it for him. I enjoy it.
I do let him choose between two or three things that I've picked out myself...we make it a little game.
post #66 of 133
My older son wears a uniform for school and he loves it. It makes mornings so easy. Of course, he does not care at all what clothes he has on. I usually put out clothes the night before for him to change into after school and I pick out his clothes for church. If he asked to wear something else, I would let him.

My younger son has cared about his clothes since he was 18 months old (he's turning 5 this week). He has certain shirts that he loves and he chooses his own clothes in the evening for the next day. Next year, he will wear a uniform for school but can choose his clothes otherwise. I do pick his clothes for church, but will not force him to wear something he hates. I do let him have some say when I purchase clothing, so that helps.

Re: flip flops. I don't allow either of them to wear flip flops. They don't own any so it's not a discussion topic while getting dressed. I do have a reason for not liking flip flops. My sister has a permanently disfigured toe from catching it on a door while wearing flip flops. I know that's probably not a reason to totally ban flip flops but at least for the time being, I only buy closed toed shoes for the boys (Keen Sandals or sneakers)
post #67 of 133
Originally Posted by loraxc View Post
ETA that I have always liked the idea of school uniforms because it removes that class/status indicator, makes it easy for parents and gets rid of that distraction.
I never wore uniforms growing up and I always thought similarly to what you posted.

Interestingly enough, a fellow student in my speech class just gave a speech on school uniforms, and said that they really don't remove the class/status indicator. He went to Catholic school all the way up.

His reasons are:

1) Kids can still "alter" the clothing they wear. They can belt the pants low and wear baggy shirts so as to still carry that thuggish look.

2) Expensive coats, backpacks, shoes, and pocketbooks still show who has money and who doesn't.

With regards to the OP, I have never forced my kids to wear something they dislike or that hurts them. I have forced them to wear mittens, socks, and jackets. My DS1 thinks showers and such are overrated, and I have refused to take him out of the house unless he cleans up and puts on clean clothes. I don't know why he's so grubby....he wasn't raised that way, and nobody else here is like that.

My ex (the boys' dad) used to pick fights about clothes matching when they were small. It used to make me so mad....like, there are so many more important issues to battle over.
post #68 of 133
My little sister insisted in wearing one of three identical (but different colored) sundresses for an entire year. In the colder months she wore them around her waist and tied with a purple sparkly belt to keep the dress from dragging and also included some colorful stripped tights. Man she was so mismatched color wise it hurt your eyes.

But we did not care-it wasn't worth the battle. My hubby was the only person who could convince her to wear something else if we were going for a walk or something.

So, if something bothers me like flipflops, crocs, or those rollerball shoes I simply won't buy them. Since he is so young I will be the one in charge of buying his clothes and can exert my influence/preference that way.
post #69 of 133
I am probably in the minority here. DH and I believe that it is important to look nice for school/family gatherings, so DSD chooses an outfit instead of individual pieces so everything matches. That being said, she has a lot of say in the outfits. I try to buy things that I think that she will like, and let her pick out outfits to purchase as well. If she wants to modify an outfit, she can, as long as it still matches. For family gatherings, a lot of times we'll pick something out together. She is probably becoming a bit of a clothes horse at this point - for a child who lives here every other week, the size of her wardrobe is a little ridiculous.

DS really doesn't care what he wears yet, so I just dress him.

I wouldn't ever force the kids to wear something that was uncomfortable just because it matched, though. We usually try everything on right after buying it for that reason. If something is itchy or too small, we'll return it.

I also try to limit the numbers on shoes and buy a pair or two that match everything. It makes life easier.
post #70 of 133
Originally Posted by philomom View Post
I only insisted if it was a safety issue. If going to parks, playgrounds or theme parks, wildlife parks, etc etc... one should have on real sneakers. Not some flip flop or open toe thing.

I agree. I was apalled on another board that someone was bribing their kid financially to wear specific outfits, too.

Just not worth it.
post #71 of 133
The only thing I require is that their clothing is weather appropriate. And my oldest must wear closed toed shoes for PE.

Other than that, its their body, they can decide what they like and what's comfortable.
post #72 of 133
I'm glad to hear your view, since I was beginning to feel in the minority too! I did care what my kids looked like, I felt it reflected on me. I never forced them, but I wouldn't go out in dirty, mismatched clothes, so I just couldn't wrap my mind around letting them. To each his own, I guess!
post #73 of 133
Luckily I don't have to address "weather appropriate" as there just isn't that much weather in San Diego. When they were younger, it definitely wasn't worth a power struggle beyond basic "you need something on to go out" and "you need your privates covered at home". Now my kids are old enough (9 & 6) that they understand differences in occassion and the impact of dress on perception so we rarely even discuss dress choices. Very occassionally I will request they wear something specific and they are generally cooperative. As in "We are getting a family picture and it would be great if we were all wearing X". The most fun was a centenial celebration at church where I made everyone historical outfits.

I guess I do have certain standards and I mostly enforce these by not buying what I don't consider appropriate. For DD I am picky about skirt length/basic modesty and the safety of heeled shoes for a running girl. I also don't buy violent images for DS, nor anything that looks "military" or "gang-like". I do require that things fit correctly and generally simply remove things from the closet as they get too small. I do require "real" shoes when riding bikes/skateboards/scooters for safety, but beyond that don't care about shoes so much.

Both my kids wear uniforms to school, which I think we all appreciate because it cuts way down on morning stress. DS occassionally complains about the uniform shoes (not many choices for his wide feet) and grumbles about the jacket/tie on Fridays but nothing serious and its part of the deal for school.

When there are specific requirements for school/camp/sports I will enforce those, but these are mostly common sense safety requirements so its not a big deal. The only real power struggle we've ever had was over DS and wear a cup for baseball and now karate. I got tired of fighting it, coach benched him from the game for not wearing it, not an issue anymore.

My dilemma ends up being "overdressing", especially DD likes to be really dressed for church and going out. Thank goodness for cheap finds on eBay because she likes a fluffy dress, dress shoes and maybe a hat for Sunday mornings. DS has figured out that this gets positive attention and will generally wear dressy shorts (he hates pants) and a polo for church, which I figure is pretty good for a 9 YO boy.
post #74 of 133
I won't force my 6yo DS to wear anything he doesn't want too, and never anything he wasn't comfortable in. But I will veto some of his choices if I don't feel they are appropriate, and sometimes, that means aesthetically appropriate too. Lucky it doesn't happen often, he is conservative and fussy about matching colors within a very narrow spectrum (me too). I will only intervene for outdoor wear though. He spent yesterday afternoon in a hoodie, long socks and underwear as the only matching pants were in the wash and nothing esle would do... I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?
post #75 of 133
The only thing that comes to mind that I force my children to wear is sunhats in the summer when playing outside. DD1 has shoes issues, she only wears crocs or flip flops, I'd prefer her to wear other shoes especially at the playground but it is not worth forcing the issue.
post #76 of 133
Forcing kids to wear clothes because they're "cute" or "match" is how you get stupid outfits like the pajamas I encountered in the store a few years back. The outside was adorable and soft and fluffy and the inside was this super scratchy plastic grid material worse than burlap.
post #77 of 133
My daughter wears the same blue mary-jane, knock off crocs to every occasion. We are talking, from easter to Christmas and everything in between. She loved them so much that when they went on clearance last year I bought another pair in the size up -- so, she has been wearing these shoes for a year straight.

What can ya do...

The only rule we have is you can't be naked while going out. Now, we have never forced clothing on her, she just knows the rule. I am not willing to risk a call to CPS just to give her the "freedom" to be a nudist in a clothed society that frowns upon such things.

Other than that, I think the OP's example is absolutely absurd.
post #78 of 133
OP, I know exactly what board and thread you are referring to. I've been talking about it with a few other posters in PMs throughout the morning.

The thread started because she only puts her kids in matching outfits- including shoes and hairbows. Her young child refused to wear the matching FLIP FLOPS. Many people on the thread said that THEY THEMSELVES don't like things between their toes.

Well, the other lady posted, quite emphatically, that she forces her kids to wear whatever she says. Because she's the grown up. It doesn't matter what they like or don't like. She compared it to making them try veggies they don't like. Which I don't even think is even close to being the same thing. And then jumped on everyone who disagreed with her (on the basis that she didn't ask for their advice....On a message board.)

I think that flip flops (and other types of shoes) fall into a category in which they are either comfy or they aren't (or need to be broken in.) If shoes hurt ME, why would I keep wearing them. Shouldn't my kids have the same rights?
post #79 of 133
I cannot understand forcing a child to wear something that is uncomfortable. Or that the child doesn't want to wear. I assume I can dress DD how I like until she decides she wants to be the one to pick out what she wears (she's 8 months now )
post #80 of 133
It is the life of a young child, to play and explore and create. It is hard to do these things, in shoes that are uncomfortable...I mean, I get trying to persuade her to wear a cute top or matching hat...but trying to squeeze uncomfortable shoes on a two year old? That sounds like torture to me!

As a kid who was told what to wear until she was almost out of high school....I won't force anything on my kids, outside of safety, weather appropriateness and special ocassions. I love the outfits that kids come up with when they are given the chance to pick their own clothes...I love seeing little styles come out...IMO, little ones who pick their own clothes, feel better....they are expressing themselves and that ROCKS!

I think the mama in the OP, needs to let some of that go....if she;s seriously going to pick uncomfortable shoes as a battle she wants to fight with a two year old...well, if I had to put money on who wins....I'm going with the two year old! She's wasting her time and causing unecessary tension.

But then.....I have seena growing trend....babies and doggies as accesories(sp?). Which is sad...because, you know, they are separate, living creatures.

THanks to all of you mamas who posted about your LOs budding fashion sense....it makes me look forward so much to the outfits that will come out of my LOs closets some day!! :
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