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Forcing your kids to wear certain clothes. - Page 5

post #81 of 133
Quote:
I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?
I can expose my child to my idea of good dress sense through MY clothes. I don't need to impose my idea of good dress sense onto her, though.
post #82 of 133
Wow, I'd understand it more if it were the other way around: a mama not allowing her LO to wear uncomfortable shoes if they were going somewhere that required a significant amount of walking or something. But making her wear shoes that hurt, just because they were cute? That's odd.
post #83 of 133
Other than weather appropriateness, I let DS do the choosing. I got some weird looks from people when I let DS wear running shoes to a wedding. It was going to be a long day, it was easier for me than having him act up because he was uncomfortable. I figure the less battles, the better, there are more important ones that I need to conserve my energy for(like bedtime, teeth brushing and other related things).
post #84 of 133
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Originally Posted by BethNC View Post
OP, I know exactly what board and thread you are referring to. I've been talking about it with a few other posters in PMs throughout the morning.
Me, too. I had a feeling about where this discussion was happening, and I was right.
post #85 of 133
LOL. Small world.
post #86 of 133
This is less about clothes, entirely about power, authority, doing it 'my way'. It's just manifest in clothing, the parent's particular interest.

I went through the same issue with my daughter, who is my first child. I thoroughly enjoyed dressing her in clothes I'd so enjoyed picking out. It was fun, I got to submerge myself in girlyness.

Alas, little did I know I was only being humored. When she was about 4 she started asserting her own clothing preferences. It kind of caught me by surprise, and I tried to insist (sometimes successfully) that she wear this or that. She should wear what I tell her to wear! She wasn't supposed to be arguing about clothes till she was ...older! But eventually I didn't want to squash her and didn't want to fight about it and reluctantly let it go.

That was one of the first experiences as a new mom where I was learning how to get my priorities straight.

=========

Ah, there are 5 pages of responses. :
post #87 of 133
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Originally Posted by loraxc View Post
We have always let DD wear what she wants as long as it's vaguely weather-appropriate, and she puts together some REALLY weird combos. I have actually taken some grief for this from a friend of mine who says I am setting her up to be made fun of. (She is 5.) She says I should not let her go to school dressed like that (she thinks it's fine for home). Curious what others think.
I'm the same way. So was my mom. I once picked out some multi-coloured striped material (rainbow) that I wanted for my new pants. Mom told me it was unusual, and probably not meant for pants, but I loved it. So, she bought it, and made me pants. Yeah - some of the kids teased me. That happens. I'd rather be teased for being me than try to be someone else, and still get teased for not doing it right. DS1 thought about cutting his hair (about at his shoulder blades at that time) in 1st grade, because he was being teased. We talked about it. He decided it was his hair, and he liked it, and he left it alone...and finally cut it at the beginning of 7th grade, when it was down roughly to his bum. I bought him a pink t-shirt for an anti-bullying day a couple months (I think?) ago. He wore it today. He wears a studded belt, with a wallet and chain...but he has half a dozen Peek-A-Poohs hanging off the chain. He had a few hassles when he was little, but he's totally comfortable in his own skin now, and really doesn't care what other people think about his clothes or his personal style.

Quote:
I used to tell her what a conventional choice might be ("Some people think purple and red don't match") but I don't anymore because she never cares.
I do that with dd a little, just so she knows. She almost never cares, though. And, you know...she plays with a lot of the neighbour kids, and I don't think any of them have ever said anything about her offbeat way of dressing.

Quote:
ETA that I have always liked the idea of school uniforms because it removes that class/status indicator, makes it easy for parents and gets rid of that distraction...but it would break DD's heart to wear a uniform, so I'm glad she doesn't have to.
There were rumbles about uniforms when I was in high school. It would have been the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and I fully intended to drop out if they were instituted. I never gave a crap about the class/status garbage, but I wanted to dress like me.
post #88 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by marisa724 View Post
As a former urban school teacher, I like uniforms too. In my schools they were always optional, but I'd say 40-50% of the kids opted in. It was nice because it did even the playing field for them a little, and I know that it made it easier on some of the parents to have to buy only a few shirts and a few pairs of pants to rotate through. They had colored polos in long and short sleeves; pants, shorts, and skirts in khaki.
That kind of makes me laugh. In all my years of high school, I never owned more than two pairs of shoes (one kept for PE, but I used the same pair for years, as I basically didn't do PE), 2-3 pairs of cheap jeans, and a half dozen or so t-shirts. We never had a uniform, but we certainly didn't need to buy a lot of clothes. Mind you, I'm not sure how that works, anyway, unless the kids are wearing their uniforms outside school, as well. They still need clothes.

And, the poster who mentioned that her dh said uniforms don't remove the class/status indicators. That was my experience with my cousins, and the school my niece goes to. I see the kids from her school on the bus sometimes, and it's not hard to tell who has money and who doesn't.
post #89 of 133
Reading this thread makes me realize one of the reasons I tend to have different views on this than a lot of people. I will go out in "dirty" clothes, because I don't consider a clothing item with a stain that can't be laundered out to be "dirty". It has a mark on it, is all. I've seen people throw away clothes, because they're "ruined" by a stain, and it's always bothered me, as usually the clothes are perfectly usable. I just don't look at it that way. I wouldn't wear something with a stain to a wedding or funeral or whatever, but I have no problem with stained clothes when I'm out to visit a friend or relative, take the kids to the park, grocery shopping, etc.
post #90 of 133
I missed that this was a comfortable shoe issue. My feet hurt a lot of the time and I have a difficult time finding good shoes. So I am hyper vigilant about making sure my kids are wearing comfortable shoes. I would never in a million years make my kid wear uncomfortable shoes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola View Post
I think it's fine to make your almost 10 year old wear clothing that she picked out, tried on, said was fine, agreed to wear, but all of a sudden thinks is stupid and ugly and insists that you need to go out right now and get her new, GOOD clothing.

Oh my, this was definitely an issue for a while there!
post #91 of 133
I only require that clothing be appropriate to the season and event (playground, etc.) amongst what we've already accepted into our home.

That said, I won't purchase clothes that I consider inappropriate (the kids have never asked for anything inappropriate, being young still) and I have once in a great returned or thrift store-donated clothes that are inappropriate for our values (camo, guns, Disney princesses, Dora, Hannah Montana). Now that DD can ask for Dora or Disney clothes, I'm okay with them.

I have also once had to tell DD she needs to wear the new shoes we bought together, and not beg repeatedly for different ones. She picked out new shoes, they were comfortable and fine, and then 2 days later she decided she didn't want those, she wanted different ones she saw in a store window. That I said no, her new ones were great and she needed to wear them.
post #92 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Reading this thread makes me realize one of the reasons I tend to have different views on this than a lot of people. I will go out in "dirty" clothes, because I don't consider a clothing item with a stain that can't be laundered out to be "dirty". It has a mark on it, is all. I've seen people throw away clothes, because they're "ruined" by a stain, and it's always bothered me, as usually the clothes are perfectly usable. I just don't look at it that way. I wouldn't wear something with a stain to a wedding or funeral or whatever, but I have no problem with stained clothes when I'm out to visit a friend or relative, take the kids to the park, grocery shopping, etc.
Lol -- I do that too, and any time someone mentions the stain I say, "Where? Oh, whoops!" and pretend like I didn't notice.
post #93 of 133
Ah yes, DD also does the two mismatched shoes thing. I think it's cute. She's tried to get me to do it as well, but I think for an adult it wouldn't come off as cute!
post #94 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
That kind of makes me laugh. In all my years of high school, I never owned more than two pairs of shoes (one kept for PE, but I used the same pair for years, as I basically didn't do PE), 2-3 pairs of cheap jeans, and a half dozen or so t-shirts. We never had a uniform, but we certainly didn't need to buy a lot of clothes. Mind you, I'm not sure how that works, anyway, unless the kids are wearing their uniforms outside school, as well. They still need clothes.

And, the poster who mentioned that her dh said uniforms don't remove the class/status indicators. That was my experience with my cousins, and the school my niece goes to. I see the kids from her school on the bus sometimes, and it's not hard to tell who has money and who doesn't.
I kept wanting to say this when uniforms were first mentioned. I went to a middle school briefly where there was a uniform dress code. You could definitely still tell which kids had money, based on the clothes alone. For me, it was a humiliating experience. Not only did I hate the uniform, but everyone could still tell my clothes were bought at Wal-Mart. (I imagine it wouldn't have been humiliating if I'd always gone to a school with uniforms.)
post #95 of 133
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Originally Posted by EviesMom View Post
Ah yes, DD also does the two mismatched shoes thing. I think it's cute. She's tried to get me to do it as well, but I think for an adult it wouldn't come off as cute!
I used to do that...but I was...odd.

In my late 20s, I went through a two-tone phase, and spent most of my weekends, as follows:

Left side: Blue jean (had a pair dyed black on the other side), white shoe, gold earring, blue/green/gold eyeshadow, blue eyeliner, blue mascara, red lipstick, pink-toned blush, red nailpolish (sometimes overlaid with gold sparkles), gold-tone watch, wedding ring set (gold).

Right side: Black jean, black shoe, silver earring, blue/purple/silver eyeshadow, black eyeliner, black mascara, "black cherry" (kind of a deep plum-like colour) or black lipstick, brown/beige-toned blush & black nailpolish (sometimes overlaid with silver sparkles), silver-tone bracelet, silver ring.

I didn't have any two-tone shirts, so I just wore a black t-shirt, usually from a Judas Priest tour.

People did think it was kind of weird, and my sister said I was a freak, but it was fun. Getting two colours of lipstick on correctly is tricky, though.
post #96 of 133
Quote:
I do think that as I try to expose him to my idea of beautiful and good in music, books, art, etc, why not in dress sense too?
(I couldn't find who wrote this only that it was Quoted on page 5)

I do expose my son to beautiful and good music, books, art, etc, and if he wants to paint crazy things with 12 different colors who am I to say its not beautiful? Kids do feel their choice of dressing is wonderful just as they feel their art, singing, etc is great and it is! I wouldn't want my son to paint or sing in a certain way and I don't really care how he dresses most of the time.

Now with that being said I do sometimes (sometimes often) have to force him to wear ANY CLOTHES AT ALL! You can not go to target with a 3 y/o wearing nothing but elmo underwear I do try to let him pick his clothes out or put him in something I know is comfy for him.

I do think its wrong to force a child to wear anything they are uncomfortable wearing..
post #97 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ducky5306 View Post
Now with that being said I do sometimes (sometimes often) have to force him to wear ANY CLOTHES AT ALL! You can not go to target with a 3 y/o wearing nothing but elmo underwear I do try to let him pick his clothes out or put him in something I know is comfy for him.
Oh, yeah - my kids have all been nudists. We just have a "you have to wear clothes when we go out" rule. If they ask why, I just tell them that's how it is. None of them like it at first, but they get used to it.
post #98 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by EviesMom View Post
Ah yes, DD also does the two mismatched shoes thing. I think it's cute. She's tried to get me to do it as well, but I think for an adult it wouldn't come off as cute!
I came home one day last summer after being out all day at different stores and running errands and took my sandals off only to notice that one was light brown with green and blue on stones it in and the other black with pink trim oops!! i'm sure i looked alittle nuts but at least i didn't notice til i was home!
post #99 of 133
Funny thing about the underwear.... my oldest girl has Cars boys briefs, and wears them backwards so she can see the picture. Boys underwear have cooler pictures than girls underwear do, of course she wants to see them!

Also, she went to the store the other day wearing a pair of her dad's white socks.... she INSISTED that they fit (sure, up to her thighs, over her jeans), and shoved her shoes on over them. They're only young once and the longer I can wait for the matchy-matchy phase to start, the better.

I think the only thing I insist on is that she put her shoes on the right feet, 'cause we've had 2 occasions now that she's worn them on the wrong feet, ran, tripped and fell on her face. She hasn't learned cause/effect on that one yet.
post #100 of 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelamariebee View Post
I kept wanting to say this when uniforms were first mentioned. I went to a middle school briefly where there was a uniform dress code. You could definitely still tell which kids had money, based on the clothes alone. For me, it was a humiliating experience. Not only did I hate the uniform, but everyone could still tell my clothes were bought at Wal-Mart. (I imagine it wouldn't have been humiliating if I'd always gone to a school with uniforms.)
There was a really extensive argument..I mean thread...about uniforms in the school section not to long ago. General conclusion was that it varied so much depending on the age of students, type of uniform/dress code, parent cooperation, and the enforcement policies. They can work, but they don't always.
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