Would you let DD use this word? - Page 2

[amynbebes]

I'd gently explain to her that it's not the best word to use and that it can be offensive.

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by flapjack

I'd talk about the hypocrisy that it's considered perfectly acceptable for men to label their penises as "**cks" but any and every slang word for a woman's genitals has a second meaning as an insult for one man to use to another- the worst insult, according to a PP. That ain't right, and girls and women should not have to use clinical terminology just because the patriarchy has chosen to misappropriate. If she wants to do a spot of reclamation, all power to the girl: as long as she remembers that generally, you don't actually need to talk about your genitals to anyone other than your lover, your doctor and at 12, possibly your parents. .

Yes! thank you

[Mandynee22]

I think I would have had a heart attack LOL
I don't think the moment has passed. She's old enough to remember saying it and to connect the dots. I think that the *mention it as soon as it happens* rule is intended for much younger children. I would just tell her it's not a nice word to use and things like x,y, or z would be better.

[MamaMandaJ]

No, I would definitely NOT allow my 12 year old to refer to herself with that word. It's incredibly demeaning. I've heard it used mostly by teenage boys and inappropriate men. "Gonna get some pussy." Vulgar.
I am actually a bit saddened that someone so young would use it so comfortably.

[mommyinIL1976]

Wow...thanks for all the replies. I think I've decided to speak with her and preface the talk with my appreciation that she is willing to speak openly with me about her body. I plan on telling her that I'm not comfortable with her using the word when she is speaking with me. I'm not going to tell her what word to use with other people...she's old enough that I trust her to make that judgement on her own.

MusicianDad....DH was not being childish IMHO....Guess you had to be there. I respect his wishes to not discuss his daughter's genitalia. DD has me for that and I don't think her father's unwillingness to discuss the issue will have any effect on her with her future partner. I NEVER discussed it with my father and I am very open with DH.

Once again, thank you all for the replies.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by mommyinIL1976

Wow...thanks for all the replies. I think I've decided to speak with her and preface the talk with my appreciation that she is willing to speak openly with me about her body. I plan on telling her that I'm not comfortable with her using the word when she is speaking with me. I'm not going to tell her what word to use with other people...she's old enough that I trust her to make that judgement on her own.

MusicianDad....DH was not being childish IMHO....Guess you had to be there. I respect his wishes to not discuss his daughter's genitalia. DD has me for that and I don't think her father's unwillingness to discuss the issue will have any effect on her with her future partner. I NEVER discussed it with my father and I am very open with DH.

Once again, thank you all for the replies.

Sorry but if he feels that strongly about it, what is wrong with saying "I'm not comfortable with this conversation"? Why does he need to act like a 5 year old about it? And why is it so bad that he discuss the issue of your daughter using words your not comfortable with?

[tinyblackdot]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Huh, I guess you never really listend to porn then? Trust me, that's not the only word used.

Personally I'm with the "explain that some people consider it derogatory" category. No use doing something if it might cause her to feel upset about talking about her body.

Ok, what other word is used regularly in porn's in reference to the vagina?

I dont think that explaining that the word its self has negative and derogatory meaning, just like the N word, or f*g or any other word that a group of "dominant" people make into a negative insult and spread hate, or use to show power with would have anything to do with her view on her body in a negative light.

I think saying something like "Why have you chosen that word to use?" And give her a chance to answer, and if she is not aware of the meanings of it, explain it, and that it is used to degrade a woman, and make her vagina into an object that is separate from the woman it belongs to. And then maybe go over some text (like the pp mentioned about the feminist movement) and ideas and thoughts about the word its self and her feelings about her sexuality as a woman. If she wants to use it then, fine, but i dont think a bunch of 13 year old boys, or porno, or movies made by men, or rap, should delegate how my daughter will and does think about her vagina!

[the_lissa]

Um really? I can think of about a dozen other words that are used. I'm not going to list them all as it is probably against the UA.

[tinyblackdot]

I could think of nasty words that are used, but the most common word is the p word.

[CAndMe]

OP, I just wanted to put my 2 cents in. When I read your post I immediately thought of a friend of mine (pastor's daughter who didn't normally curse) who used that word pretty much exclusively. I don't really think she realized it was vulgar and it may be possible that your daughter has heard her friends use it and didn't realize either.

[Marsupialmom]

P**sy does not equal sex, it is also vagina, and wimp. Also clue your dd in the UK pussy means cat and not to giggle or let her mind go into the gutter.....ok only if she is a drunk adult at 2am looking for a cat (long story). I would think at your dd's age she might not get how vulgar the word may seem.

I would let my daughter know why I don't want her to use that word.

[youngwife]

Because I would not want my daughter slinging such an ignorant word around (which would/could cause her to appear to be ignorant), I would share with her why it is not at all appropriate to use. It would be sad if she only said it because everyone else did, but didn't really understand what it meant. :

FYI: I have a just-about-to-be 15yod and a just-about-to-be 12yod.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by tinyblackdot

Ok, what other word is used regularly in porn's in reference to the vagina?

Off the top of my head comes a wort that starts with a C and rhyms with runt... And yeah there are others but giving this is a family board I doubt I should list them.

[Minky]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Off the top of my head comes a wort that starts with a C and rhyms with runt... And yeah there are others but giving this is a family board I doubt I should list them.

That's what I thought, too. That's the one I would worry about my babies using. Pussy is mild compared to that.

As a child and teenager, I was expected to use the non-clinical term "middle" to describe my vagina. If she heard me saying anything different than the approved word, I was shamed. I wish my mother had let me use the words I felt comfortable using.

I wouldn't be against letting the girl know that "pussy" can have unpleasant connotations and that vagina/vulva are better clinical terms, but the teen girls I know have really reclaimed the word and don't see it as derogatory.

[Jessy1019]

As long as the words aren't racist, homophobic, or misogynistic, I don't intend to tell my kids what they can and can't say. My daughter is six and knows that pussy is a slang word for vagina/vulva . . . she doesn't use it yet, but she uses lots of other words most parents don't "let" their kids say. I never understand why parents try so hard to control their kids' word choices.

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

We had a similiar incident here not long ago with the word "dildo"... DD2 thought it meant something like a "dork" and was using it freely until I explained the actual definition. She was absolutely horrified! Sometimes it is simply something they hear from their friends and pick up without knowing how offensive it can be to others... Of course, she may choose to still use the word with her peers, but I would at least share your opinions with her since you obviously have a healthy, comfortable relationship.

[flapjack]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

P**sy does not equal sex, it is also vagina, and wimp. Also clue your dd in the UK pussy means cat and not to giggle or let her mind go into the gutter.....ok only if she is a drunk adult at 2am looking for a cat (long story). I would think at your dd's age she might not get how vulgar the word may seem.

I would let my daughter know why I don't want her to use that word.

Sadly, only Mrs Slocombe uses pussy in that sense any more. Pornification is everywhere. And where wimps are described as pussies, that's because an analogy to a woman's genitalia is apparently the worst insult that some pitiful freaks can come up with : Personally, I would have thought it a compliment, but people are strange sometimes.

[Frenchie2]

Originally Posted by THANKFULFORFIVE

We had a similiar incident here not long ago with the word "dildo"... DD2 thought it meant something like a "dork" and was using it freely until I explained the actual definition. She was absolutely horrified! Sometimes it is simply something they hear from their friends and pick up without knowing how offensive it can be to others... Of course, she may choose to still use the word with her peers, but I would at least share your opinions with her since you obviously have a healthy, comfortable relationship.

I have a cousin who once told her mom that a little boy waiting for the bus was a pr**k - that's what the kids at school called him. She was about 12 and when her mom told her what the word meant she was mortified that she had used it. I imagine at that age there is a lot of learning about different meanings of words and trying to figure out what works for you. I would imagine just letting her know what it is and what others perceptions are of it would be enough.

[tinyblackdot]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Off the top of my head comes a wort that starts with a C and rhyms with runt... And yeah there are others but giving this is a family board I doubt I should list them.

Ok maybe its where i live, but i have never heard that word used in relation to someones genitalia, only as a derogatory name for another woman.

I have never heard that word in porn (maybe its the type i have seen isnt violent) but the word used over and over again is the p word.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Sadly, only Mrs Slocombe uses pussy in that sense any more. Pornification is everywhere. And where wimps are described as pussies, that's because an analogy to a woman's genitalia is apparently the worst insult that some pitiful freaks can come up with : Personally, I would have thought it a compliment, but people are strange sometimes.

No, not in the UK..the dirty word would be fanny. Like in fanny pack.