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Would you let DD use this word? - Page 3

post #41 of 71
I'd just make sure she knew the context of the word and that it possibly could offend some people. If I were 12 I would WANT to know that. Imagine she may be embarassed using it in the wrong time and place if she really just doesn't know!

But no, I wouldn't bar her from using it. As long as she isn't using it to insult someone, I don't see why it matters what she calls her body parts.
post #42 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
No, not in the UK..the dirty word would be fanny. Like in fanny pack.
lol, yep! Reminds me of the Kevin Smith show in England where they're talking about euphamisms for sex and one girl calls it "a little fanny fun"-- he was confused and thought she meant anal since fanny means butt in the US.

Ok, that was off topic, sorry!
post #43 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaMandaJ View Post
No, I would definitely NOT allow my 12 year old to refer to herself with that word. It's incredibly demeaning. I've heard it used mostly by teenage boys and inappropriate men. "Gonna get some pussy." Vulgar.
I am actually a bit saddened that someone so young would use it so comfortably.
ive always used the word. I also use "the C word". not in public venues or at work, Im not uneducated or ignorant. But *I* define my body, and my language... Im not going to let crass, rude and ignorant men banish a word from use because i do not feel that any word meaning vagina or vulva is crass or vulgar.

Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
I have seen a lot more words than the p word being used in porn.

Ina May gaskin uses it in her books. I find it really off putting because I believe in using correct terminology, but lots of people use the p word in non sexual or putting down ways.
I love that ina may used it.

It is not a word owned by men to degrade women.

I do not have a teen, I saw this in new posts.... but I think it is *great* that your daughter felt comfortable and liberated enough to discuss her body in the way she feels comfortable with you.

If you start regulating her vocabulary with you, what message will that send? that there are certain things not to be said or discussed with your mother? certain words that you can only say with friends?
that she is vulgar or dirty for using a word?

Why not ask her why she identifies with that word and let her share what experience she has with it?

maybe that word empowers her in some way we havent thought of?

before you censor her- Id ask more questions!
post #44 of 71
Wow, I had no idea so many people still found the word pussy to be offensive! It's the word I use in reference to my vagina when I'm talking to other adults, and the word a lot of my friends use. When I started writing books with explicit sex scenes I was told that pussy and cock are now the accepted terms, and that the only word still considered offensive is c*nt (I've heard this from at least 50 different people in three different countries by now).

Maybe it's cultural, or something?
post #45 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
Sadly, only Mrs Slocombe uses pussy in that sense any more. Pornification is everywhere. And where wimps are described as pussies, that's because an analogy to a woman's genitalia is apparently the worst insult that some pitiful freaks can come up with : Personally, I would have thought it a compliment, but people are strange sometimes.
Mrs. Slocombe is the first thing I thought of too!
post #46 of 71
And to answer the OP, dd is almost 15 and has never used that word around me, but I would tell her what I thought (I hate it), and ask not to hear it again. And if her friends say anything offensive (calling everything retarded is a popular one), then I pull dd aside and give her the chance to stop it or I will. I do not need to listen to it, and she appreciates not having me speak to her friends on it.
post #47 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by tallulahma View Post
ive always used the word. I also use "the C word". not in public venues or at work, Im not uneducated or ignorant. But *I* define my body, and my language... Im not going to let crass, rude and ignorant men banish a word from use because i do not feel that any word meaning vagina or vulva is crass or vulgar.



I love that ina may used it.

It is not a word owned by men to degrade women.

I do not have a teen, I saw this in new posts.... but I think it is *great* that your daughter felt comfortable and liberated enough to discuss her body in the way she feels comfortable with you.

If you start regulating her vocabulary with you, what message will that send? that there are certain things not to be said or discussed with your mother? certain words that you can only say with friends?
that she is vulgar or dirty for using a word?

Why not ask her why she identifies with that word and let her share what experience she has with it?

maybe that word empowers her in some way we havent thought of?

before you censor her- Id ask more questions!
I agree with tallulahma, I would talk about it with her and help her see it as empowering.

As an aside, I love the idea of teaching kids "There are no bad words, just bad times to use them" so that's what we do.
post #48 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harmony08 View Post
Hey,

I don't belong here because I have one baby DS. I just wanted to say that I think it is super cool that your relationship with her allows her to be so open and comfortable. I wish I had had that with my mom. Things my mom said about that kind of thing put up walls and I still have never talked to her about sex or dating or anything like that. If it were me I would do anything I could to keep those lines of communication open. She could really need you someday. I think you should definitely have a conversation about how it made you feel and your view of the word. She may be embarrassed if you jump on her too sharply though. She may be just trying the word out and not have any idea what it means....like 3 year olds having "boyfriends". Once and Aunt of mine jumped all over me for saying "screwed up". I was mortified because I had no idea that screw meant what screw means.

Congrats on your open relationship with your daughter. It will come in handy as she grows through those awful insecure teen years. Ick. Okay, I'll get out of here now.
:

I think you could casually, later, away from the official conversation, say Hey hon, just FYI I'm not comfortable with that word. I trust you to use it in company that doesn't find it inappropriate, but that's just my thing"

That way it's not you 'coming down on her' but more a statement of personal comfort and boundaries.
post #49 of 71
LOL because the word came up at work in a report today and my boss was reading out loud. And yeah it was in the objectified way "get some P$#@!
I'm so glad for my training in psychology that I've had to say these words until I no longer blush so that I could work with victims of sexual abuse. I am comfortable hearing the words and having ppl use whatever terms they call their private parts.

I guess what you call it in private is your business is what I would tell her. And I would tell my daughter that it was a degrading term, that it objectifies people to the equivalent of their sex organs.

I would understand though that kids use the vernacular, common words in their peer group. I'd probably just say I overheard her say it and wanted to make sure she knew the history of the word as an insult.

I'm puzzled though, porn has WORDS? I never knew.
post #50 of 71
Dork is another word for penis so why would that be better than dildo?

I live in Ireland and pussy means vulva here too.
post #51 of 71
I don't have teenagers, but did have some thoughts.

I would definitely bring it up again to clarify that it's usage can denote negativity, but I would tell her it can be a powerful thing to choose words.

Definitely have her read Cunt. It is the best book and talks about the power of owning language instead of letting it own you.
post #52 of 71
Dork is another word for penis??? OMG....check out my senior title....I'm ROTFLMAO.....
post #53 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyblackdot View Post
Would you let her say c*ck? Thats the male version of that word.
ditto that. I wouldn't allow any such words in my home.
post #54 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
Dork is another word for penis??? OMG....check out my senior title....I'm ROTFLMAO.....
Yeah.

And despite what some may say, there are insults derived from slang terms used for male anatomy.

p.s. I don't consider dork one of them though.
post #55 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by tallulahma View Post
ive always used the word. I also use "the C word". not in public venues or at work, Im not uneducated or ignorant. But *I* define my body, and my language... Im not going to let crass, rude and ignorant men banish a word from use because i do not feel that any word meaning vagina or vulva is crass or vulgar.



I love that ina may used it.

It is not a word owned by men to degrade women.

I do not have a teen, I saw this in new posts.... but I think it is *great* that your daughter felt comfortable and liberated enough to discuss her body in the way she feels comfortable with you.

If you start regulating her vocabulary with you, what message will that send? that there are certain things not to be said or discussed with your mother? certain words that you can only say with friends?
that she is vulgar or dirty for using a word?

Why not ask her why she identifies with that word and let her share what experience she has with it?

maybe that word empowers her in some way we havent thought of?

before you censor her- Id ask more questions!
This is what I'm thinking.

I don't have a teen but it wasn't that long ago that I WAS one. I cannot imagine using that word at that age because even saying "vagina" was hard for me. And I definitely wouldn't have said it to my mother, I was NOT that comfortable speaking to her about things like that. I agree with having her read Cunt, it was a great book. And FTR, I prefer that word over "pussy" any day.

I wouldn't have a problem with DD using words like that depending on the context and who she was saying them to. I would definitely explain that some people think it is inappropriate but I wouldn't censor her completely.
post #56 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Labbemama View Post
And I would tell my daughter that it was a degrading term, that it objectifies people to the equivalent of their sex organs.
Whatever one might think about the use of the word "pussy" to describe people, I fail to see how the above applies in this case. The OP's dd was using the term in reference to her sex organs, not in reference to a person. Using a term that refers to sex organs to refer to one's sex organs isn't inherently degrading, just because the term is also used in other ways. That just makes no sense to me. It's like saying there's something wrong with calling a dog a dog, because "dog" can be used as an insult when applied to people.
post #57 of 71
I don't think it is as simple as "It's a bad word because some people use is as an insult or in a derogatory manner." Look at the word "queer" Depending on the context, it might be negative, or simply descriptive. Most gay people I know use the work queer in a positive sense.

Many words can be used in a negative sense. "Girl" can be used in a negative sense--"You throw like a girl!" Does that mean we should switch to using the correct term of "female" instead?

I personally don't use the word pussy in general conversation. I use vagina and vulva. I might use it in intimate conversation, though.

And food for though--vagina comes from the word meaning "sheath" or "scabbard" as in, the man puts his sword in its sheath. It's not like this clinical term was invented to empower women--it was a term that *still* was defined by what a man wanted to do with it!!!

If my daughter used the word pussy with me, I'd have several thoughts:
a) I must be the coolest mom ever if my kid is just having a general conversation with me *and* wants to talk about her vulva *and* uses the word pussy
b) I better make sure she knows that in certain circles that would be considered inappropriate
c) I have a cool kid
d) We have a great relationship.
post #58 of 71
I think people should be able to talk about their bodies comfortably, using words with which they are comfortable. This includes teens and preteens. However, if I didn't think she already knew, I might gently let her know that some people see that word as vulgar, and she might want to think about her audience when speaking.
post #59 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by lorijds View Post
If my daughter used the word pussy with me, I'd have several thoughts:
a) I must be the coolest mom ever if my kid is just having a general conversation with me *and* wants to talk about her vulva *and* uses the word pussy
b) I better make sure she knows that in certain circles that would be considered inappropriate
c) I have a cool kid
d) We have a great relationship.
:
All this.
post #60 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by lorijds View Post
I don't think it is as simple as "It's a bad word because some people use is as an insult or in a derogatory manner." Look at the word "queer" Depending on the context, it might be negative, or simply descriptive. Most gay people I know use the work queer in a positive sense.

Many words can be used in a negative sense. "Girl" can be used in a negative sense--"You throw like a girl!" Does that mean we should switch to using the correct term of "female" instead?

I personally don't use the word pussy in general conversation. I use vagina and vulva. I might use it in intimate conversation, though.

And food for though--vagina comes from the word meaning "sheath" or "scabbard" as in, the man puts his sword in its sheath. It's not like this clinical term was invented to empower women--it was a term that *still* was defined by what a man wanted to do with it!!!

If my daughter used the word pussy with me, I'd have several thoughts:
a) I must be the coolest mom ever if my kid is just having a general conversation with me *and* wants to talk about her vulva *and* uses the word pussy
b) I better make sure she knows that in certain circles that would be considered inappropriate
c) I have a cool kid
d) We have a great relationship.
All of the above. Just want to note there are a few people who object to "female" because it contains "male" and feel it is yet another word that defines a woman by her connection to men (same with woman). Just food for thought...

... and another example to your point. We can't stop using every word that someone might find offensive or that can be associated with an insult.
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